To be a bit disappointed about being fat AND ugly?

[PiggoSuperstar]

It’s a bit woah is me. But it really is unfair and it’s getting worse as I get old. There are so many women out there who are bigger and who are the most beautiful and perfect looking people because they have such gorgeous faces and confidence and everything going for them.

Then there are plenty of more average looking women who have the most perfect figures, stunning hair, beautiful long legs and who keep in such natural great shape.

Then there is me. I’m both fat and I am ugly. But when I say ugly I mean what a fucking munter. Thing is I can take a decent enough “selfie” but I just took some photos of myself today on my phone’s timer as I wanted to see how grotesque I looked in shorts (preparing for summer) and I was shocked at how disgusting I am. I didn’t think I’d be as bad as that. So incredibly ugly! Like painfullynugly. I’m early 40s and you’d think I was about 60.

At what point do you accept that that is it? Thing is even when I was younger I was fat and ugly. Especially ugly. I’ve been fatter and I’ve been thinner (currently about a 14/16 but with the arms and calfs of at least a size 22. No joke. I thought I may actually have lipidema.) My upper arms look like a normal woman’s thighs. I have extremely large sagging beasts but I’m fairly narrow in the middle so at least identifiable as a woman.

I’m definitely in a severe minority as there is no one out there who is more misfortune than I am with looks and body. The tragic part is that when I look in the mirror it’s not so bad. It’s only in photos where I notice just how disturbing my appearance really is. I’m actually quite embarrassed now after setting the camera to self timer, that I walk about my day to day life thinking that I’m not as revolting as I obviously am!!

AIBU to think that it’s so totally unfair that I’ve been cursed with the worst of both things?

It honestly could be the photos and that you’re not photogenic?
I can sometimes take a good pic but 8/10 times I look horrific in photos, friends actually comment on what a bad pic I take so maybe that’s part of it?!
However, please please try and do something about self-love..... CBT maybe? Self help books, affirmations, googling?
It can only come from within

You have a lot going for you that I would love

• a friend who obviously thinks you are great and made you such a thoughtful gift *
• a fantastic sense of humour (cruel reminder of not being able to polish a turd* was classic- )
• you can run ( I can't run to the fridge)
• you are generally fit

-you can actually be bothered to prepare for summer (I've sat sweating in my turtle- neck all day) -You can set a self-timer on your camera.

Go to your GP get some tests done if you feel there is something wrong, there may well be.

OP I can relate. So much so that I've pretty much accepted that I'm distinctly below average in looks.
I find it very difficult to be kind to myself, yet am praised for the very same quality I show to others.

My self esteem is on the floor, and am currently divorcing which can't be helping. I've been told by my parents that I am good-looking, but I simply don't believe them. They're biased. Ok, I've never been told I'm ugly, but, I'm never approached by men, my ex didn't want to sleep with me and it destroyed my confidence (what little I had)

Rambling here, but I think I understand that it all starts from within. I'm losing weight, too slowly, and pushing myself to try new things and care less about what I think others see in me.
I hope it will liberate me from this dreadful prison I inhabit.

If I could just quell the feelings of horrendous disappointment every time I look in the mirror. It saddens and frustrates me in equal measure.

some posters on MN are just insensitive idiots

Don't be silly. My family member with terminal cancer would give anything to just be fat, ugly and alive. If you find that offensive then that's your problem.

It could just be the photos OP. I look fine in the mirror, and not so bad in videos, but photos........argh..... I just don't know what happens to my face!!
I've also gained about 2 stone over the last couple of years, which I really need to get some motivation to shift.

Not everyone can be classically beautiful, but most people have features which make them attractive in their own way.

I am the same op. I fucking hate myself

I've been told I am hilarious, quick witted, clever, compassionate, generous and loving. I ask myself why that isn't enough. All. The. Time.

I'm thin, flat chested and an absolute munter. I own no photos of myself as I look so disgusting that I don't want the reminder.

Hugs OP, Do know how it feels to hate your appearance x

I agree with you Fairenuff.

I don't think it was insensitive and certainly not idiotic.

It'll do the OP no harm to have a range of different replies to consider, rather than just one chorus of "I'm sure you're lovely OP".

My sister died suddenly a week after her 36th birthday...just right out of the blue and it's really made me look at life in a different way ever since.

My 8 and 9 year old nieces didn't care what she looked like, they just wanted their mum back.

Life is unfair

people with facial scars/burns life's unfair

people are in wheelchairs through genetics or life ... unfair

People are abused/vilified/raped/ignored ... unfair

I can accept that you are unhappy with your lot, you can't help feeling unhappy BUT UNFAIR - what did you do to expect that you should have what you want. No more or less than anyone else.

You may be depressed or have other mental health issues for which you should try to get treatment but there are many out there whose life is more unfair than yours (and many who have had more good luck)

You don't deserve good luck, you don't deserve bad luck. Neither do others. You are who and what you are. Deal with it or get help to deal with it BUT ... EVEN THINKING life SHOULD be fair is just unreasonable. LIFE IS NOT FAIR and we all have to deal with whatever shit we are dealt

You are not fat 14/16 isn't I am almost that, but unlike you I am much older, and don't even take a good selfie.
For my age my legs ate not bad ( although they are a tad short and covered in psoriasis)
you are obviously nice from the inside out as you are not a diva .

I'm going to be 'that' person on this post.

I used to hate myself and my looks. Really hate myself. Then I had bells palsy when pregnant with my youngest. It's facial paralysis for anyone who doesn't know. Can be temporary or permanent. Thankfully for me it was temporary. It was then I realised just how fleeting and shallow it all is.

You only get one body and one life.

But it really is unfair and it’s getting worse as I get old.

AIBU to think that it’s so totally unfair that I’ve been cursed with the worst of both things?

It’s just so unfair.

My next door neighbour's daughter is 21 and is dying of an inoperable brain tumour. But she's so good looking and slim, the lucky cow.

Oh ffs @Fairenuff what utter shite.
So nobody is allowed to feel upset or have a moan because worse things happen in life?!

Jesus I have seen more trauma, devastation, abuse and death than you would believe but guess what, some days I feel really fucking upset over things on a lower rung of life's ladder.

It’s not a competition and it’s only the very sick minded people who would even think to compare.

Christ pull yourself together!
So self indulgent. How you look really isn't that important. Honestly why hate yourself? Stop taking photos if you don't like looking at them.
This stuff is such a waste of time and life. Force yourself to focus on other stuff. Calling yourself disgusting who is that helping? What difference would it make if you looked different? Honestly very little.

Why are people still saying a size 14/16 isn't fat?

The OP hasn't once said how tall she is. For all we know she could be 5ft or 6ft.

It may be or it may not be. Only the OP knows that.

There WILL be bits of you that you can enhance, focus on. Confidence comes from within also.

If it helps, I'm not the most conventionally attractive person aesthetically. On holiday once, I showered, stuck some slap on and my hair went right for once. I had some new clothes on, slight tan. Basically I thought I had scrubbed up not bad. I remembered a tip about taking a selfie (arm stretched, at an angle etc) so took a pic.

Well fuck me if it wasn't THE most hideous selfie in Hideous Selfie Land. It was SO bad I laughed. When I showed it to my friend in the hotel bar he laughed hysterically for half hour straight. Said the, now oft referred to, immortal line...

"Dhalink,that's a face only Picasso could love"

Lifecraft - that's incredibly sad but completely irrelevant to this thread. There is always someone dying, and actually we are all lucky here compared to most people in Syria or Sudan. However we all still have valid feelings, sometimes negative ones.

Start telling yourself (and believing it) that your outer shell is insignificant. Are you a good person? Do you love people and have them love you in return? We hold beauty in too high a regard. Focus on what is important

I dunno OP, some people do genuinely look worse in photos than they do in real life, so you may not be imagining it.

My mum looks lovely in real life, despite being 80 she gets a lot of compliments on her style, which is kind of glamorous granny.

But in many photos she looks bizarre and I don’t even recognise her. I took a photo of her the other day as she had a really stylish outfit on with a navy trilby, and she looked like someone else. I was disappointed I hadn’t manage to catch what I saw.

In short, believe what you see in the mirror and disable the camera function on your phone.

I’m loving the post that says even ugly women can be attractive, just like Charlotte Gainsburgh! if the OP looked like. Charlotte Gainsburgh I doubt she’d be posting!

I hear you OP. Life isn't fair but as pp said it could be a lot worse. Looking good is great but being healthy is priceless.

Sometimes people say being good looking isn't important, it's being smart and nice that counts. Well I'm fat and ugly, and I'm not smart either. And actually I'm not particularly nice to be around. I'm boring and kind of a bitch!

Do you think you could have Body Dysmorphic Disorder OP? You are incredibly down on your appearance, to an extreme extent ☹️

There's lots of ways to try and feel better about your appearance other than losing weight...buy some gorgeous shoes or jewellery, get a good haircut and colour, have your nails done and painted a vibrant shade

Can you find a part of yourself that you like and accentuate that? For example I have a horrible thin wonky mouth so I don't wear lipstick but I have nice eyes so focus my make up on them. I also have big ears so I don't wear earrings but I have nice hands and okay nails so I wear gorgeous nail polishes...little carefully chosen highlights can make a big difference

Try changing your personality OP and you might find the outside looks much more attractive too 🙄 ... maybe start with not moaning about it and change something if you're unhappy being fat. Or change something physical so you look more attractive (to yourself).