Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious?

66 replies

Ourmaud · 18/04/2019 21:12

Daily mail are arseholes- get that out of the way just in case.

My 2yo dd stayed with my parents overnight last week so dh and I could have a date which was really kind of them. When I went to pick her up my mother had cut a fringe into her hair. Now dd doesn’t have a lot of hair but she’s now got a mullet.

What makes it worse is that I’d said earlier in the week that I’d booked her in with my hairdresser for her first haircut as I wanted to be with her when it happened.

I had a go at my mom for doing it and she then acted all wounded like she’d done me a favour. My father joined in and called me ungrateful and swore at me in front of the kids which I’m not allowing. I haven’t spoke to them since but now I’m second guessing myself.

Aibu? It’s not the first time boundaries have been trampled with them but this feels like they’ve deprived me of the choice as well as it looking absolutely ridiculous. It’s also the fact that they thought it was appropriate to cut my child’s hair without consulting me or even texting to ask then to abuse me for objecting. She was there from 8pm to 8am so not like she’d been left all weekend.

OP posts:
MoreSlidingDoors · 18/04/2019 21:14

I’d go no contact.

BrutusMcDogface · 18/04/2019 21:16

No, yanbu or precious. They were both in the wrong, and I’d be furious.

Iloveacurry · 18/04/2019 21:16

No you’re not being precious. They were out of order. Don’t contact them, let them come to you and apologise.

whywhywhy6 · 18/04/2019 21:16

YANBU

HoraceCope · 18/04/2019 21:18

Yanbu

Original poster
Ourmaud · 18/04/2019 21:18

Their response has made me doubt myself iyswim? Like it’s a normal thing to cut other people’s kids hair when they visit

OP posts:
ElizabethMountbatten · 18/04/2019 21:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

HoraceCope · 18/04/2019 21:18

They overstepped the mark

Ohtherewearethen · 18/04/2019 21:18

Oh my God. What the hell possessed her to do that? And think it was a good idea and a favour to you? You're not being precious at all, I'd have hit the roof. There is absolutely no excuse for that. And as for your dad swearing at you?! What does he think you have to be grateful for? That she took away your experience of sharing your daughter's first haircut? That she made your daughter look ridiculous? That she betrayed your trust?
They have a lot of apologising to do before I'd even consider letting them see daughter again!

bellinisurge · 18/04/2019 21:19

You are not being precious. Horrible behaviour.

Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:20

Massive overstepping, why would they even think it was ok to do that?! 😮

Original poster
Ourmaud · 18/04/2019 21:21

They do have form for both boundary stomping and for still treating me like a child myself but it’s not been this big before. I let it slide because I prefer to pick my battles and I know they are a bit dramatic generally

OP posts:
Ilikethinkingupnewnames · 18/04/2019 21:21

Hmmm

CupOhTea · 18/04/2019 21:24

Shock yanbu

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2019 21:24

Yeah this isn't ok,

But it did make me laugh as I cut s fringe into my daughters hair when she was a tot, and my husband walked into thr room and said " Jesus, she looks like Jon Bon jovi" still makes me chuckle. She actually did.🤣🤣🤣

The point of my story is your mum probably did think she was doing uou a favour, had this image in her head, and then when the job was done realised her mistake, so is now all defensive.

Thr difference is clearly I did it to my own child, and of course it's not ok for her to to It to her grand daughter, but as said, she likely thought it would be lovely and she was helping you out.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 18/04/2019 21:25

No you're not being precious. My DM has done this to both my DSs over the years, and she is very vocal (after wine) about the length of DS2's hair in general. She can fuck right off - it's not up to her to cut their hair or make PA comments about their hair or lecture me on the proper length of males' hair. I think sometimes that just because a parent is looking after your child, they think you should be grateful to them regardless of what they do. Er, no - babysitting your DGC and doing a favour to your adult child doesn't give you the right to wield the scissors. You are absolutely right to be angry and upset, I completely sympathise, OP.

balloonyellow · 18/04/2019 21:26

My DM does this and it riles me silly! I’ve told DD not to let Nanny cut her hair and so far it’s worked. Been trying to grow it out for ages, she’s done it a few times. It’s overcrossing the boundaries, not sure she’d like it if I gave her dog a massive hairstyle change! YANBU or precious

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 18/04/2019 21:26

@Bluntness100 Jon Bon Jovi Grin

Shootingstar1115 · 18/04/2019 21:29

They shouldn’t have cut it. They probably thought they were helping out getting the fringe out of her eyes, but made it look worse. I would be angry too. It wasn’t their place to cut it.

My grandad once cut my hair when my mum and my Granny were shopping 🙈

My mum cut my sons hair when it was little. He’s always had a thick mop of blonde hair and he’s been a bit scared of hair cuts (sensory issues) and she thought she was doing me a favour by cutting it but she has no idea what she’s doing and just cut massive chunks out. It looked hideous. She knows never to do it again now anyway.

She also attempts to cut my younger sisters hair. She has NO idea what she’s doing. Drives be bonkers!

AnnieMay100 · 18/04/2019 21:30

They’re in the wrong and I’d seriously reconsider ever leaving her with them again. Next time it could be ear piercing (used as an example not being judgemental) for all you know as they clearly don’t respect your choices as her mother. I’d be horrified if someone done that to my dd without my permission a fringe can take a while to grow out.

lazyspoon · 18/04/2019 21:31

Nope nope nope! It may be a trivial subject and not one to fall out with your parents over but I wouldn't be allowing them to get away with this.

Your children, your life, your rules. They've had their children! Maybe now is the time to stand up to them and tell them they can't control you or aspects of your life.

Original poster
Ourmaud · 18/04/2019 21:31

Why do they do it? Seems like a common problem. I’m more irritated because they didn’t seem to see how inappropriate it is. Also I’d literally just managed to get braids in her hair and now it’s too short again. Bloody back to looking like wurzel gummage

OP posts:
CantStopMeNow · 18/04/2019 22:45

They do it because they want to undermine you as a parent and show that they are in control.
It's just plain nasty.

I'd be cutting back on the contact with them and definitely not leaving your dc with them ever again - and don't tell them any of your plans either as they will enjoy ruining them for you.

Pinkprincess1978 · 18/04/2019 23:06

Completely out of order. I remember as a child a neighbour cut my brothers hair (it was his first curls too) and my mum was furious- it didn't stop her years later cutting my two cousins hairs without asking. My Aunty and uncle were particularly upset has their daughters cut as they had been trying to grow her fringe out as it was one of those that started from the middle of her head. They were almost at the stage of being able to cut a smaller fringe in and pin the rest back and my mum cut it all. She couldn't see what she did wrong.

My dd used to have very long hair which my mil thought was just a bit too long. I often worried she would cut a couple of inches off when she had her but thankfully she never did.

7yo7yo · 18/04/2019 23:15

I wouldn’t let them have my kids again and I’d tell them exactly why too.

Swipe left for the next trending thread