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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being precious?

66 replies

Ourmaud · 18/04/2019 21:12

Daily mail are arseholes- get that out of the way just in case.

My 2yo dd stayed with my parents overnight last week so dh and I could have a date which was really kind of them. When I went to pick her up my mother had cut a fringe into her hair. Now dd doesn’t have a lot of hair but she’s now got a mullet.

What makes it worse is that I’d said earlier in the week that I’d booked her in with my hairdresser for her first haircut as I wanted to be with her when it happened.

I had a go at my mom for doing it and she then acted all wounded like she’d done me a favour. My father joined in and called me ungrateful and swore at me in front of the kids which I’m not allowing. I haven’t spoke to them since but now I’m second guessing myself.

Aibu? It’s not the first time boundaries have been trampled with them but this feels like they’ve deprived me of the choice as well as it looking absolutely ridiculous. It’s also the fact that they thought it was appropriate to cut my child’s hair without consulting me or even texting to ask then to abuse me for objecting. She was there from 8pm to 8am so not like she’d been left all weekend.

OP posts:

7yo7yo · 19/04/2019 12:08

Does anyone remember the other thread where the mil did this and kept a lock of hair herself?
The op took it from her mantelpiece.

NoSauce · 19/04/2019 12:09

NC seems a bit ridiculous. Obviously she shouldn’t have cut the hair and she should be saying how sorry she is but if you spell it out that she must never cut her hair that should be enough.

Keep some perspective here people.

timeisnotaline · 19/04/2019 12:10

I wouldn’t resume contact until the lock of hair has been handed over. That is way over the line. I just don’t understand trying to undermine a parent like this.

AlexaAmbidextra · 19/04/2019 12:11

Daily mail are arseholes- get that out of the way just in case.

Why do people do this? Do they really think it gives them protection against their thread being lifted?

NoSauce · 19/04/2019 12:15

I wouldn’t resume contact until the lock of hair has been handed over. That is way over the line. I just don’t understand trying to undermine a parent like this

Undermine a parent? Surely it’s just a bit of sentimental nonsense. Why would the OP want it back?

timeisnotaline · 19/04/2019 12:23

Lots of parents keep the first lock! A grandma doing the first cut after hearing the op wants to do it herself, and keeping a lock of hair for herself and not giving one to the op is incredibly out of line. It’s saying this is a special occasion so I’ve marked it by keeping one of those sweet first locks and I got to do this special thing instead of you for your child nahnahnah. It’s pissing all over boundaries.

EL8888 · 19/04/2019 12:24

Wow! That’s so out of order and l would be fuming. Especially the lock of hair bit. I’m sure your parents only got aggro as you challenged their terrible behaviour, they don’t have a leg to stand on

NoSauce · 19/04/2019 12:26

At 2 I thought the OP would have already had a lock of her DDs hair, if this isn’t the case then yes she should have it.

cakeandchampagne · 19/04/2019 12:28

I would be angry. I wouldn’t trust them to be alone with her again any time soon.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 19/04/2019 12:40

I'd be fuming.

PompeyBez · 19/04/2019 12:55

YANBU!!!!
I would have gone ape shit!
She knew you'd had a haircut planned!
DD was only there 12 hours so the scissors must have been out as soon as you left their house!
Plus, keeping the lock of hair for herself!?!?
I'm guessing she isn't a hairdresser either?
She could easily have rang or text to check it was ok, but she didn't. It is not ok and massively overstepping imo.
I would cut unsupervised contact and make it clear why!
Sorry OP , you must be so upset

Youseethethingis · 19/04/2019 12:57

My DP didn’t dare take his 6 year old for a haircut when her mother dyed her hair a violent pink and purple (half and half) that went green and orange within a fortnight, just in time for going back to school. Because he felt that would be overstepping the mother’s boundaries. (Less said about the stupidity of dying the hair of a child that young the better)
For a DGM to take scissors to a two year olds hair without her mother’s permission is shocking. You are not being precious OP. I would worry very much about what other opportunities to overstep the mark these grandparents will take in future.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 19/04/2019 16:01

I would be angry (unless your mother is a trained hairdresser?) because you had already talked about the first haircut and that it was important to you. However, do you really plan to never speak to them again? How will you explain to your DD when she asks why she never sees her DGP? "Granny cut your hair" is going to sound a bit pathetic.
I think you can ask for an apology, for the haircut and the swearing. Although I'll bet your DF will say you were the one who started shouting and being rude first. You can set some guidelines for the future and not allow overnight or unsupervised visits. You can try to have a conversation with your DM about why she did it, if you think that would be fruitful.
Regarding the first lock, I'm sure your DD still has baby hair and you can cut a lock for yourself. Don't get hung up on the 'first'. If you had not left your DP's in an argument you could maybe have got the cut hair. I hope her hair grows quickly now and it probably does not look nearly as bad as you think.

HomeMadeMadness · 19/04/2019 16:04

Well it's only hair and it will grow back but it seems like a deliberately hostile act. Why on earth would you randomly cut a fringe in a child's hair - it would be a strange thing to do at the best of times but when you've specifically told her the first haircut is important it seems 100% deliberate. I would be grateful that at least they've shown their true colours with something that's temporary. I wouldn't leave my DC with them ever again.

ahtellthee · 19/04/2019 18:45

Oh dear, my DM also did this to all four of my kids at some point (I am rather lax about haircuts, to her dismay).

It did drive me crackers, but I chose to just roll my eyes visibly and let it lie. Now that they are past the toddler stage, I let them take them to the hairdressers when we visit them at their home (a few times a year).

I agree with you OP, really annoying but in the grand scheme of things not worth going NC.

As long as they know never to do that again, then I would consider the matter closed.

Ps: I never got this keeping a lock of hair from first haircut thing. But I don't keep teeth or any old body/flesh/skin related items. It makes me skin crawl.

Easterbunnynearlyhere · 19/04/2019 18:49

Have they got a ddog you can drop off at a grooming parlour and have it an awful style?
I wouldn't be leaving dd with them again and telling them that they can't be trusted.
Next it will be ears pierced op...

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