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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious?

66 replies

Ourmaud · 18/04/2019 21:12

Daily mail are arseholes- get that out of the way just in case.

My 2yo dd stayed with my parents overnight last week so dh and I could have a date which was really kind of them. When I went to pick her up my mother had cut a fringe into her hair. Now dd doesn’t have a lot of hair but she’s now got a mullet.

What makes it worse is that I’d said earlier in the week that I’d booked her in with my hairdresser for her first haircut as I wanted to be with her when it happened.

I had a go at my mom for doing it and she then acted all wounded like she’d done me a favour. My father joined in and called me ungrateful and swore at me in front of the kids which I’m not allowing. I haven’t spoke to them since but now I’m second guessing myself.

Aibu? It’s not the first time boundaries have been trampled with them but this feels like they’ve deprived me of the choice as well as it looking absolutely ridiculous. It’s also the fact that they thought it was appropriate to cut my child’s hair without consulting me or even texting to ask then to abuse me for objecting. She was there from 8pm to 8am so not like she’d been left all weekend.

OP posts:
poglets · 19/04/2019 01:47

This is one of those NO GO areas. Nobody should take it upon themselves to cut your child's hair.

YANBU.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/04/2019 02:27

I would NEVER leave my children with them again. They are 1,000% in the wrong. It is absolutely staggering that your mother would do that. I would never trust her again. Who in the fuck does she think she is??

AvengersAssemble · 19/04/2019 03:09

She cut her fringe not the whole head, and has your DD never had a haircut at all? She is 2? Bigger things to fight over than a bloody fringe which will grow back!Hmm

llewellyn25 · 19/04/2019 03:53

YANBU!

brizzlemint · 19/04/2019 03:54

No, you aren't being precious. I'd be livid and woudn't be letting my DCs go there without me again.

TheSerenDipitY · 19/04/2019 03:55

did they at least save you a lock of hair?
i wouldnt ever be leaving them alone with the kids again
they cant be trusted

Alicewond · 19/04/2019 04:21

Nope very wrong, I would be annoyed if they cut my dogs hair, let alone my children’s. That’s a major boundary being crossed. Saying that I did let my sister cut my hair 10 years back and she accidentally gave me a mullet, don’t think she’ll ever cut hair again! I had a meeting the next day 😂. At least as a child it will grow out!

lboogy · 19/04/2019 04:37

Yanbu. They were bang out of order

Petalflowers · 19/04/2019 04:45

Definitely overstepping boundaries.

Firstly you don’t cut someone else’s hair, and especially so if it’s a ‘first cut’.

bevelino · 19/04/2019 05:07

The Grandmother should not have given OP’s dd a haircut, but to go no contact or not to leave the child with grandparents ever again would be a total overreaction.

81Byerley · 19/04/2019 05:14

I'd be angry, but it's hair , it will grow back. Don't fall out forever with your parents over this. It isn't worth it. There was an incident in my family where a little girl came back from her weekend with her father and step mum, and the step mum had cut her beautiful thick shoulder-length hair into a very wonky chin length bob.....

fargo123 · 19/04/2019 05:55

I wouldn’t let them have my kids again and I’d tell them exactly why too

Ditto.

miracleon13th · 19/04/2019 05:57

My mother did it to my DC and I went nuclear - especially when she kept denying it - the evidence was right there on DCs fucking forehead!

she was made to apologise by my dad but under duress and kept laughing about it so I know she didn't take it seriously

I think our mothers go through some kind of regression when their daughters have babies 🤣

ScreamScreamIceCream · 19/04/2019 06:10

I think your mother thought she was helping out and saving you money.

The issue was her attitude when it went wrong - she should have apologised before you said anything - and your father's - he should have kept his mouth shut instead of trying to defend his wife by swearing at you.

Personally I have ended up having little contact with relations who repeatedly act like that.

In your case only allow supervise visits with the grandparents and style your children's hair so it is out of their eyes before they visit them.

Ihatehashtags · 19/04/2019 07:52

They are so out of line. I’d be furious and not trust them in the future.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 19/04/2019 09:36

If it could be rescued by a hairdresser, I'd have been cross but not said anything. A first haircut I don't see as a milestone though. Gran obvthought it was in her eyes so trimmed it.

Your dad swearing was wrong and he should apologise for that.

Given you obviously don't like how they care for the children, stop using them as free sitters and pay for childcare.

Isth · 19/04/2019 09:40

I might find a situation like this easier to get over had you not have said about mentioning to them how important the first haircut was to you... that same week! This is 100% something that your mum has done on purpose, but I wouldn’t like to guess at exactly why, not kind motives tho.

kbPOW · 19/04/2019 09:42

From their response, they knew how absolutely out of order it was and were just using attack as the best form of defence. I'd wait for a full apology and I wouldn't care how long it took.

megrichardson · 19/04/2019 09:44

I would be furious too.

It has reminded me of a very early memory I have of my gran waiting till my mum had gone out, then chopping off the whole of my really long, thick blonde wavy hair. Why do some people get scissor happy when they see a defenceless child's hair??

Twillow · 19/04/2019 09:45

Can totally understand how upset you are and I was THE most precious mother with my first child particularly. Agree with others that its not, on one instance, a go-nc situation and it would be very sad if this destroys all of your relationships.
Trying to put a different perspective on it here -WHY would your mother do that? Do you think she might feel underappreciated/left out as a grandmother and this was a subconscious attempt to scent-mark as it were on a child she loves? Your dad getting angry because he knows your mum is in the wrong but is trying to have her back somehow?
You said there are other boundaries she has trampled: is she just that kind of person generally or do you think she wants your recognition of her as a role model (even if she isn't to you!)

standardaccount · 19/04/2019 09:46

Fucking hell! You are not being unreasonable! Why the fuck did she think it was okay to cut your child's hair?

Original poster
Ourmaud · 19/04/2019 11:55

She apparently saved herself a lock of hair but is not giving me it. I’ve had that second hand though from db so I don’t know how truthful it is. He has no reason to lie though. I’m just so hurt that my own mother would take the experience away from me especially since dd was a very long anticipated baby- we tried for over 13 years for her and she will definitely be my last baby as I can’t have any more. It’s a crap situation, I’m not going nc over it but I’m waiting for an apology and some changes in Behavior before I can try and get over it all.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 19/04/2019 11:58

I'd be having to go no contact with them for quite some time in case I did or said something I might regret.

What is it with people and other people's children's hair?!

Hullabalooo · 19/04/2019 12:01

My mum does that. I see it as her pissing on my territory. She's a narcissist I'm starting to realise. Makes my blood boil.

kbPOW · 19/04/2019 12:04

Ah ...the hair. Don't wait for an apology. That's no contact time.