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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed?

90 replies

Trocadero · 18/04/2019 20:39

Had conversation earlier with DH discussing what we were having for evening meal (I usually cook - as am a better cook than him & he tidies kitchen afterwards which I don't like doing!)

Then I asked him if he fancied cooking it. It was an easy enough meal and I offered to do the kitchen tidy up. He agreed, all good.

When he called me through to eat he'd done a different meal to what I'd planned!

I'm annoyed because he never said he was going to change it, otherwise I'd have cooked it so as to get what I wanted to eat.
I spend my life asking him what he wants to eat and pretty much cooking that meal, so feel a bit irritated that he thought it was ok to just change the bloody meal without mentioning it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:43

I agree in the grand scheme of things, it isn't a massive deal but I think it's really hot home tonight how much effort I DO make to cook what he likes to eat and he just couldn't be arsed to communicate with me that he was going to change what we'd agreed on.
I also know that if it had been the other way round, he'd have been put out too.

OP posts:
sackrifice · 18/04/2019 21:49

Chips are potatoes
beans are veg.
no problem.

Youwanapizzame · 18/04/2019 21:52

Literally stop asking him. Just present him with his dinner and go

Original poster
Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:53

I hadn't realised that sackrifice, thanks.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 18/04/2019 22:04

It’s not about the veg though, is it? It’s about him doing as he pleases and being totally inconsiderate.

I must admit I’ve adopted the method I outlined above, eg; “dp, I’m making bolognese tonight. Do you want any?” He’ll either say “yes please”, or “no thank you”, or “I’m not hungry right now but I’ll have some later, please”. It works for us, despite the fact that I’d much rather we all sat down as a family every night like I did growing up. My stepdad ate whatever was put in front of him and enjoyed it!

Bringmewineandcake · 18/04/2019 22:55

Yeah that would have disappointed me too. At least if he’d have told you he was changing the plan you could have sorted your own meal out.
No more asking him what he wants, if you’re cooking then make what suits you.

Onehellofaride · 18/04/2019 23:01

I don’t think it’s a big deal but I do understand the frustration of making sure you ask him what he wants to eat but he doesn’t offer you the same courtesy! Next time he asks for spaghetti bolognese make lasagne. You don’t have to be especially thankful for him doing a job that you do day in day out.

AvengersAssemble · 18/04/2019 23:02

Oh get a grip OP Biscuit

SpoonBlender · 19/04/2019 01:50

You say ("I spend my life asking him what he wants to eat and pretty much cooking that meal"*. So you've spent your entire relationship deferring to his decision on what to have for dinner. You've taught him that what he wants is what happens.

And now you're surprised when... he makes a decision about what to have for dinner, and makes what he wants. Why are you surprised? You've built a rod for your own back.

SpoonBlender · 19/04/2019 01:50

Bolding fail.

JenniferJareau · 19/04/2019 03:39

YANBU. What he cooked wasn't what was agreed upon, I'd be pissed off too. Chicken, potatoes and veg isn't chicken, chips and beans.

Monty27 · 19/04/2019 04:02

But it's worthy of a post on MN .
Was it roast chicken? If not I can't see anything wrong with it albeit not what you were expecting.
But posting about it is just well, pretty petty

Sobeyondthehills · 19/04/2019 04:19

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You got dinner cooked for you, it might not have been in the way you wanted but you did get a chicken, some sort of potato and some sort of veg.

If it really pisses you off that much, stop asking him what he wants, decide what you want and then cook that

NoSauce · 19/04/2019 06:29

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You got dinner cooked for you

Big woopi do. The OP usually cooks every night. It’s nothing wondrous that he cooked dinner. I’m guessing it was easier to bung chips in the over and beans in a pan than what he should have cooked.

The OP does not have to be a grateful little woman because her husband made her dinner.

Thepacksurvives · 19/04/2019 06:37

Yabu

Why do you "consult" him every night about meals? I've been with my husband 10yrs he eats what I make. I'm a very good cook and he's never complained. When I do my online order I'll ask if there's anything in particular he'd like to eat that week but on the rare occasion he asks for something specific he'll get it which ever night I make it. This thread is weird

Raspberry88 · 19/04/2019 06:55

Does it really take two to decide what you are having for dinner?

Really!!? I think this is mad. DH and I always discuss what we want for dinner, I wouldn't ever just make something and neither would he. It's not difficult to have a chat!! Anyway OP, I would be annoyed too (although I love oven chips) because I do like to know what I'm eating beforehand, I enjoy looking forward to it. The evening meal is pretty much the highlight of my day so I would have been a bit disappointed! We write a menu for the week on a Sunday and tend to stick to that so it's easy for both of us to know what needs cooking and what we need to get in for it etc etc.

BeanBag7 · 19/04/2019 07:11

Given free choice, This is the sort if thing my DH would do. Basically chips and beans are easier to cook - bung in the oven or microwave and wait. No prep required like peeling potatoes and chopping veg. So it's laziness or lack of confidence with meal prep (for my husband it's the latter). Maybe you could encourage him to cook more often and help him so he can learn how to do it.

FrozenMargarita17 · 19/04/2019 07:15

Do you think it's because he just thought potatoes and veg were too much effort and he wasn't very happy about being asked to do the dinner (as he thinks it's your job) and so did the easiest dinner he could.

Original poster
Trocadero · 19/04/2019 07:42

I just think he thought he'd cook what he really wanted, rather than my suggestion, although he'd have eaten my suggested meal if I'd cooked it.

He certainly didn't object when asked if he fancied cooking.

It matters not any more; I have decided to just cook what I want from now on and not ask him what he'd like.
As a pp said, by being considerate & including him, I've obviously made a rod for my own back, so that's stopping immediately! Grin

OP posts:
Durgasarrow · 19/04/2019 07:46

Yes!!! If someone else cooks dinner, the right response is gratitude!

Decormad38 · 19/04/2019 07:50

I think you need to get out more 😬

Moomooboo · 19/04/2019 07:57

I “consult” my partner on what meals he would like and then cook them.

In reality I give him the option of two meals I would like to eat, and then he picks one.

But sometimes I cook the other........... because if I’m cooking I get to choose the food. If he ever goes shopping he can choose what we have........!

I think I would be irritated - but I think that’s because I’m a control freak. I get irritated when I see my partner butchering a meal...!!! I think sometimes I am unreasonable about it - because I always cook I’m used to things being a certain way and it sounds like you are too! So just don’t let him cook....

HiItsClemFandango · 19/04/2019 08:05

It's a bit like ordering something at a restaurant, looking forward to it arriving & then when it does, it's a completely different meal.

Except that it's nothing like that because your DH is cooking dinner and you've not ordered something from a menu that you're paying for, your DH is doing a nice thing and cooking for you and the right response is being thankful and appreciative, not whining like a child because it's not what you wanted.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 19/04/2019 08:27

I think spoonblender has it. He always gets his choice so why on earth shouldn't he choose this time.

DH and the kids get a choice as everyone gets to eat their favourite sometimes, but I cook and shop so I make what I plan. You eat it or don't in my house. I certainly don't consult every day.

HBStowe · 19/04/2019 08:46

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. It’s really up to the person doing the cooking to decide what to cook.

I also think, in the grand scheme of things, this is just so not worth being annoyed over. It’s not like that was your one and only opportunity to eat the meal you had planned. Ok it wasn’t what you were expecting but I’m sure you’re resilient enough to deal with that!

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