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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed?

90 replies

Trocadero · 18/04/2019 20:39

Had conversation earlier with DH discussing what we were having for evening meal (I usually cook - as am a better cook than him & he tidies kitchen afterwards which I don't like doing!)

Then I asked him if he fancied cooking it. It was an easy enough meal and I offered to do the kitchen tidy up. He agreed, all good.

When he called me through to eat he'd done a different meal to what I'd planned!

I'm annoyed because he never said he was going to change it, otherwise I'd have cooked it so as to get what I wanted to eat.
I spend my life asking him what he wants to eat and pretty much cooking that meal, so feel a bit irritated that he thought it was ok to just change the bloody meal without mentioning it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:08

It's a bit like ordering something at a restaurant, looking forward to it arriving & then when it does, it's a completely different meal.

OP posts:
Lucems · 18/04/2019 21:08

I meant that meanwhile there are actually people/kids whoever in this world suffering...starving...wars going on...and you post this.

Widowodiw · 18/04/2019 21:08

Get over it you can cook it tomorrow no real harm done eh.

Nicknacky · 18/04/2019 21:09

Does it really take two to decide what you are having for dinner? He probably doesn’t care!

Original poster
Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:09

Haha, yes I can see what Lucems meant now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:12

I think what's pissing me off is the fact that if I asked him what he wanted then served up something different, he'd really sulk, yet I'm supposed to just suck it up?

Anyway, no problem, he can bloody well cook for himself from now on 😆

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 18/04/2019 21:14

Oh bloody hell, I totally agree he can cook his own food OR, why don’t you just choose what to cook and cook whatever you fancy from now on? Just say “this is what I’m having, take it or leave it”.

Original poster
Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:17

Yep Brutus, good point!

OP posts:
lalaloopyhead · 18/04/2019 21:21

I get you Op, if I'd planned salmon, new potatoes and salad and was presented with sausage and mash I would be a little irked. Having said that if I'm cooking I don't ask Dh what he fancies, I must make what I fancy and check he wants some.

lalaloopyhead · 18/04/2019 21:22
  • just not must
Nicknacky · 18/04/2019 21:22

So what were you expecting and what did you get?

Bringmewineandcake · 18/04/2019 21:23

I want to know what the 2 meals were too Grin

KnitterOfSocks · 18/04/2019 21:25

My husband for years has fussed over what we eat, likes nice food with lots of twiddly bits, lots of variety etc.

For the same years I have been part time with kids, so have done the bulk of the cooking. One meal for the kids and then started over cooking for DH and I in the evening. With him interfering, wanting things different, wanting to know why we were having the same thing over and over.

I was so so SO over having to meal plan in detail every week, with recipe books, websites etc to make sure we had enough variety for us and the kids.

I snapped a couple of months ago and told him I JUST DIDNT FUCKING CARE after a decade of producing up to 3 cooked meals a day. Told him if he wanted that kind of service he was now going to to be solely responsible for food planning and food shopping. I'd share the cooking, but on any week where he failed to produce a meal plan and the ingredients to cook it, he would be getting whatever the hell I managed to throw together.

In a massive shocker for all concerned, he has managed to produce a meal plan and shop twice in that time. He doesn't moan anymore at what he is fed which is an improvement. The couple of times he has started, I have Looked™️ at him and he's shut the fuck up PDQ.

Ironically now the pressure is off, and the kids getting older, I am enjoying cooking again and actually being more adventurous because I want to. But he does have to suck it up and eat what I cook.

TL:DR let your husband cook what he wants.

Bambamber · 18/04/2019 21:27

I totally get you! If I'm looking forward to a specific meal and get something different, I would be miffed too. If he didn't want to cook it, he should have just said

Treaclesweet · 18/04/2019 21:28

I think you're just resentful from cooking for him all the time. Cook what you want if you're doing most of the cooking. Then if this happened again you won't mind.

Original poster
Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:30

I was planning on chicken, potatoes & veg. He did chicken, oven chips & baked beans.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 18/04/2019 21:31

So not massively different? Maybe it’s what he fancied to eat.

Original poster
Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:35

I really don't have a problem if he wanted something different, as long as he'd mentioned it beforehand, so I could have done my own!!

OP posts:
SallyWD · 18/04/2019 21:35

I'm sorry, I misunderstood. It's just one meal though. You can cook what you wanted tomorrow?

Nicknacky · 18/04/2019 21:36

So you would have made separate meals? Why? Were you really so desperate for potatoes and veg?

Original poster
Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:38

That's ok Sally. I was just disappointed at getting something different to what I was expecting, when I always ask him what he'd like (and cook it for him).
I'm clearly too nice and take his feelings into account more than he does mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trocadero · 18/04/2019 21:38

Yep Nicknacky, I actually was!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 18/04/2019 21:39

Don’t be such a martyr. Now he isn’t taking you feelings into account because he cooked chips instead of potatoes?

Is there more to this than a tin of beans?

NoSauce · 18/04/2019 21:39

I understand OP. You look forward to something and then when it’s put in front of you it wasn’t what you expected. Not a huge deal I know but it still would bug me a bit.

Still18atheart · 18/04/2019 21:42

Yanbu I need to be prepared to know what I am eating. And like to know so what I can know what to expect and adjust taste buds accordingly.

It’s like if you ordered food at a restaurant say lasagne and a burger appeared for me I wouldn’t be best pleased. And it would be no different at home.

However yab slightly u in that it wasn’t a massive change of menu. But I would still would like to have been told that there was a slight change of plan. I would tend to be ok with the change unless it was something I don’t like or in a foul mood so it would be like fire to a powder keg.

But overall yanbu Smile