Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

MIL Rant - so know I probably am not being unreasonable

59 replies

LieselVentouse · 14/07/2007 22:32

Im booked in for elective section on Friday 0730hrs - they said theyre coming in to see me at lunchtime and I said no theyre not - they fail to see what the problem is - problem is Ive been told I wont be in ward until late afternoon but they want to see the baby not me

OP posts:

MotherFunk · 14/07/2007 22:34

Message withdrawn

tiredemma · 14/07/2007 22:35

whats the point if you are in recovery? surely they cant visit then?

Dawnybabe · 14/07/2007 22:37

Let them get on with it. You'll be in recovery and they can sit in the restaurant and fume over the midwives telling them they're not allowed in yet. They might believe you then.

Original poster

LieselVentouse · 14/07/2007 22:41

Im worried that they think they can get in and see the baby without me being there. This did actually happen with my first child

OP posts:

tiredemma · 14/07/2007 22:42

tell the midwives that nobody is to see the child without your say so.

MotherFunk · 14/07/2007 22:44

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 14/07/2007 22:45

Message withdrawn

crokky · 14/07/2007 22:48

Security is so high for babies these days. You can easily get them banned for the entire of Friday - tell the staff no visitors for you or baby that day (apart from DH).

sidge · 14/07/2007 22:49

Oh god no YANBU.

I had an elective CS with DD1 and my bloody mother was hovering by the lift waiting when I came out of recovery heading back to the ward!!

So DH and I never got that precious time alone with our new baby

Original poster

LieselVentouse · 14/07/2007 22:58

See thats what I would like, also I would like the first person to see the baby to be my DD - who is with my mother.

OP posts:

helenhismadwife · 15/07/2007 12:17

I would just tell the midwife caring for you that you dont want anyone apart from your dp coming to see you or the baby on Friday you dont have to explain why, they will do (or should do) what you ask. I can understand their excitement at wanting to meet your new baby but its your special time, I had my mum and inlaws in the to see me 20minutes after delivery but I had a normal delivery and they were bringing our dd1 with them and it was what i wanted

good luck with your section hope it all goes well for you.

southeastastra · 15/07/2007 12:19

ooh good luck was wondering what when your baby was coming! surely it's up to your dh to tell them when it's convenient!

edam · 15/07/2007 12:26

Hope everything goes well. Of course YANBU. Agree, just tell midwives no visitors bar dh and anyone else you actually want.

Boredveryverybored · 15/07/2007 12:31

Definitely not unreasonable. Would do as others have said and tell midwives no visitors except whoever you actually want there.
Might be worth telling your DH that you are going to do this and if he wants to avoid the hassle/fallout of them turning up and not being allowed in to talk to them and tell them not to come!!

WinkyWinkola · 15/07/2007 14:00

YANBU. A c-section is a major op. Can totally understand why you don't want any vistors. And just perhaps you want some time to recover and to get to know your baby a wee bit. That mother-child first few hours or even days is very important and if the mother wants to be alone during that time then so be it.

They should leave off and respect your wishes. I don't understand why having a baby means suddenly what the mum wants isn't important.. it seems to be so often the case.

zookeeper · 15/07/2007 14:05

It's quite sweet though that they want to see the baby so desperately - why not suggest that they come in the next day?

CarGirl · 15/07/2007 14:06

Has it occurred to you/them that just because you are booked in first on the list it doesn't actually mean you will be, there could be several emergencies that mean you get bumped down - one of my friends didn't have her booked CS until 8.30pm in the end!

lulumama · 15/07/2007 14:12

definitely tell midwives you don;t want any visitors, except those you specify...also , as cargirl rightly points out, you might not even have your c.s first thing !

have you explained how important it is, to you and your DH that your DD is the first to meet the baby ? or have you just told her you don;t want her to come?

really stress the importance of your feelings on this to her

WigWamBam · 15/07/2007 14:14

The baby will probably be with you all the while you're in recovery anyway, so they won't be able to see the baby until you're both back on the ward. And even then, if it's anything like the hospital I was in, they won't let anyone (other than your dh) in to see either you or the baby until you are well enough - which won't be the same day.

WinkyWinkola · 15/07/2007 18:06

Desperation is never sweet.

HonoriaGlossop · 15/07/2007 18:39

no, YANBU, it's a really emotive thing isn't it; I remember two 'friends' coming the day after I'd completed my three day, back to back, ending in 'crash' cs under GA; totally uninvited, and they were by no means close. Some odd protective instinct kicked in and I did not let them see the baby I came out and talked to them in the waiting room and told them ds was having a check with the midwife.

Gawd knows why I was quite so determined. I suppose if it had been my in-laws I may not have been. But I totally understand. Tell the midwives you don't want visitors on the day itself. Good luck.

Original poster

LieselVentouse · 16/07/2007 10:23

The thing is my mother will have my DD and I want them to come up first. They fail to see why my mother should be in first - not thinking I want to see DD before I see PIL's. They are also now talking about their other grandchildren coming up the next day - which I really dont want - (I sound a right fussy bitch but believe me you dont know these people) however DH is completely in agreement with me about this.

OP posts:

YeahBut · 16/07/2007 10:34

Why don't you just say you don't want ANY visitors apart from your dh and dd (who has to go with your mum) until you get home. A c-section is a major op and it's hard to do smalltalk for a while.

Original poster

LieselVentouse · 16/07/2007 10:36

Well thats what Ive said - theyre not happy and I bet they turn up anyway - but its good to know from these posts that they cant get in without my say

OP posts:

GreebosWhiskers · 16/07/2007 10:43

In our hospital the only kids under 12 allowed in were the baby's siblings so they may not get to bring in their other grandkids anyway. I agree with the others - you should make sure the mws know who you do/don't want visiting.

And definitely YANBU!

Good luck

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread