Taking 3 year out to funeral?

[changed1]

It's my grandmas funeral tomorrow. Everyone who could watch my 3 year old is going. My partner works away but cant get back. His family wont help. My father is fine with me taking him but my aunt is kicking off over it. I'm torn on what to do, I really dont wanna miss it as we were extremely close I was the one who looked after her in her final weeks the only one that really had anything to do with her for the last ten years. My children are also extremely close to her. Would you take him? I'm so torn the last thing I want to do is upset anyone anymore but I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I dont go.

I’d go, but sit at the back so you can pop out if DS starts fussing. I’m sorry for your loss.

I was contemplating taking my 6yo to my grandmas funeral but I’m not sure it’s appropriate.

This may sound silly but I think it depends if they have just turned 3 or are nearly 4. My DC3 who will be 3 in a couple of months will not understand at all, although would pick up on the emotions. My DC2 has just turned 4 and he would understand what was going on so would say no.

What a horrible situation you’re in. Unfortunately it would prob be a no. Your child will be dealing with too much on that day. Everyone crying, emotions flying high.

How about a babysitting company? I’m not sure I would be too comfortable but I think I’d make an exception in this case.

I took my 4 yr old to my stepdad’s funeral recently and she was amazing. It was a catholic service too so longer than some.

I went to another funeral recently too and there were 2 great grandchildren who I would say were about 2 and 4. They were playing at the side but were quiet enough and no one seemed to mind. I didn’t feel they disrupted the service at all.
Good luck!

There have been children at every funeral I've been to (unfortunately rather a lot!). It would be odd to me to exclude part of the deceased's family. And people I know like their children to understand that there are sad things in life occasionally, and that people support each other through sad times.

Obviously parents sit so that they can run out if necessary, although, IME, gentle evidence of the child's presence (eg an occasional quiet but audible remark) has been appreciated.

How do you think your child will feel? If you think they will cope well then I’d take them.

I took my dd to one about s similar age for the same reasons. Actually for her it was quite useful, as she had done a few visits to the hospital so it was helpful to explain the what happens next bit. My elderly relatives also liked seeing her skipping around at the wake. I wouldn't have if it would have been a very long sombre one though, too much to expect her to sit quietly for too long.

I've never been to a funeral without my children. The idea of sheltering them from such an important part of life seems odd to me.

We took my son to our neighbour's funeral when he was 18 months old, and took a 4 year old and a one year old to my wife's uncle's funeral, including the crematorium. Last year they both came to my grandma's funeral. Why wouldn't they? Obviously we take them out if they are disturbing people, but this has only happened once.

I’m really sorry for your loss. Is there really no one that can have the 3YO? Can you ask a friend? If not then I’d take them but sit in the back and pop out if they get fussy. My main concern would be if you get upset during the service and how they would cope with that.

I was always planning on taking him he will be 4 in July. I think he will sit quietly well i hope he would but you never know. There are only my children going as my aunt decided it's no place for children but my eldest two fully understand what's happened and want to go at 11 and 13 I feel that's there decision. But that was her mother and not sure whether I should respect her decision or listen to my father and myself and go cause that's what she would have wanted.

Sit at back or try registered child minder or even back up care in a nursery?

I've never been to a funeral without my children. The idea of sheltering them from such an important part of life seems odd to me.

I agree with this. Definitely take him, if your aunt doesn't like it she can fuck off stay away.

It depends on what your DC is normally like. I went to SIL's funeral in Monday. My niece left her 2.5 year old at home as she is very energetic and would be running round all over. If yours is likely to sit quietly with, say, a colouring book then it will be fine. You may have to explain in advance though that some people may be in tears so that he's not surprised.

My DH always says that (as long as they won't play up) if DC are too young to understand then it won't matter and if they will understand then being there will be a learning experience for them.

Take him. Important kids are exposed to this sort of thing

I would take him. Death is a part of life. And actually, funerals I've been to, with children, the children have provided very welcome relief after.

I presume your aunt is grieving, hence her silly behaviour

If you have no other child care then I'd take him and sit near the back so if he gets noisy you can take him out.

It's my DH's Nan's funeral next week and we're not taking our 2yo or 8yo to the service. The 2yo would run riot and the 8yo is very sensitive and I think would struggle with it. We are taking them both to the wake afterwards though.

OP this is really selfish but it’s not your aunts choice, it’s your choice.
The only thing that would concern me is you/bro/sis/family crying and you’re dealing with extremely difficult feelings yourself. Would you be happy to look after DC feeling like that. Tbh your 13yo could watch your DC at funeral for you, if they weren’t that close to Nan that is.

I took my then 2.5 to my uncles funeral and it was a nightmare trying to keep her quiet. Could you maybe stand in the back or stand in the hallway so your there in spirit?

we are taking our 3yo to GMIL's funeral next week - it wouldn't have occurred to any of us not to take her.

There’s nothing wrong with your child seeing you upset because someone you love has died. It’s normal. Your decision, OP, and nothing to do with anyone else.

I went to a funeral of a retired teacher and my friend had to bring her baby who started crying, the vicar actually commented "please don't leave the room J would have wanted children here" which I thought was lovely!

I would absolutely take him, but I'm Irish and kids at funerals here are a given.
To hell with your aunt. Okay, it's her father presumably but that doesn't mean she gets to dictate to you whether you can bring your son or not.

Sorry, I just realised you said grandmother not grandfather as I somehow managed to read it.

I took my DS to his DGF funeral when he was around 6. I regret it. He was so very upset and pale. I remember more about DS’s face than anything the vicar said about FIL.

As a church warden I have often looked after children outside the church when parents feel they need to go out at funerals. If it is a church service hopefully there will be someone there to help.

I didn't take my then two year old to my husband's great uncle's funeral as I was worried he would be loud and it would be inappropriate. My husband said actually everyone was asking why he wasn't there and was really disappointed and surprised we hadn't brought him. To be fair his uncle was over a hundred and had died very peacefully after a short illness so while it was a somewhat sad day it was also very much a celebration of his life and a chance for the family to congregate and remember him it wouldn't always be fitting.