Taking 3 year out to funeral?

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It's my grandmas funeral tomorrow. Everyone who could watch my 3 year old is going. My partner works away but cant get back. His family wont help. My father is fine with me taking him but my aunt is kicking off over it. I'm torn on what to do, I really dont wanna miss it as we were extremely close I was the one who looked after her in her final weeks the only one that really had anything to do with her for the last ten years. My children are also extremely close to her. Would you take him? I'm so torn the last thing I want to do is upset anyone anymore but I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I dont go.

I would take him. Funerals are part of life. Prepare him for what to expect.

Ahh just saw you did. You did the right thing. You had just as much right to be there and to take your child.

Jellybabiesarebabies, the funeral was yesterday. Op has just said that she took him and it didn't go down well.

It doesn’t sound like it was a disaster. Hopefully your aunt will calm down and realise she was focusing her grief on something irrelevant 💐

You did the right thing. To the poster who said kids shouldnt see naked grief.... all the funerals i have been to the guests shed a tear but are not wailing! Not sure what there is to witness.

Well done op and im glad you got the chance to say good bye x

The idea of funerals not being suitable for children baffles me. But then, as an Irish person it would be deemed incredibly bad form here to exclude them, or for anyone to try to dictate to someone else as to who could attend a funeral. My dad's funeral had hundreds of people at it and about 3/4 of them were people I'd never met before.

I think you did the right thing although I'm sorry if it has caused a rift with your aunt. It seemed as if her objection was simply that children should not be at funerals, perhaps because when she was a child this was the case?
Funerals for older people are not generally dramatic grief-ridden affairs. At my mum's funeral a family friend offered to look after the grandchildren at the back of the church but they all wanted to sit with their parents and did so quietly. They were sad but not at all inappropriate.

If you think he will just sit quietly then take him. I think people are over the top about kids at funerals. When my Nana died my 4 and 6 year old cousins were they as they were sad she was gone and it was such a long way for the parents to travel, and like you I don't think anyone else could have looked after them. I don't think they understood it fully but it certainly did them no harm. I'm sure if they had caused a disturbance their dad would have taken them outside.

Your auntie has no right to be livid. Ignore her. It's a funeral and it's open to anyone. Barring some insane back story where your child somehow greatly wronged your GM I don't see why your DC shouldn't be allowed to go.

Ah, just seen your update OP. You did nothing wrong. Your auntie behaved very badly. Please don't take on any guilt for that. Perhaps she's projecting her grief onto you. It happens but it's unfair. Poor you

Your aunt sounds nuts, but she’s grieving, so ignore her. I’d possibly have sat at the back (I did when I took a four year old and an eight month old to a funeral) but sounds like your son was well behaved. And you got to say goodbye, which is most important.

I think the OP did the right thing. I took my then very nearly 2 year old to my father in law's funeral. My mother in law wanted her there. She behaved perfectly, but had she not, I would have taken her out. At my mother's funeral, 7 of her grandchildren were aged between 5 and 12. All went. Why would we have excluded them? They were a big part of her life, and she was a big part of theirs.

I agree about the 'naked grief' comment. Of course there are tears at funerals, but I have never seen anything stronger displayed. I have even laughed at funerals (including those of my parents).

Your aunt sounds nuts

All we know from what the op posted about the aunt is she, as one of the chief mourners, requested a toddler wasnt brought to her mums funeral. Then at an already difficult time for her, losing a parent, her wishes were selfishly disregarded and caused her unnecessary further upset on the day.

Her aunt sounds like someone who is grieving the loss of a parent and made a reasonable request.

Don't forget that the OP's father (also one of the 'chief mourners' - a concept I feel quite uneasy with, tbh) was fine about the child being there. And tbqh, I think the OP's need to say goodbye counts for quite a bit, seeing as she says in her OP that she was the only one who really bothered with her grandmother, and cared for her through her final period on earth. Yes, the aunt is grieving, but from the situation depicted in the OP it doesn't sound like she has much right to pull rank.

i was going to family funerals very early on, and i have taken mine to them at very young ages, i mean they are also family
also in NZ we do viewings, often at home, which is where the person who died is returned to the home and sometimes removed from the coffin and placed in a bed, sometimes left in the coffin, and friends and family are given the opportunity to say goodbye to them a day or so before the funeral, so we have taken the kids to that ( obviously explaining what has happened and what will happen etc etc etc) so it kind of makes it more real to the kids ( and everyone) and takes the mystery out of what happens when we die... i dont know your kids but for mine they now understand and are ok about seeing someone presented like that and its not scary to them, and they understand the person is now gone

I had to explain how we do funerals in NZ to two Swiss friends, i kept saying about going out to the house to see xyz and her family etc, and after a while they said what do you mean see xyz, shes dead... and i had to explain that she is there, in a alcove off the main room, in her bed, and when you get there that the family will take you to her and give you some time to talk to her, to tough her, to hug her if you like, and then welcome you to come and chat with everyone and share memories etc... they were mortified!

So your DS was beautifully behaved and she still kicked off? I think she really has the problem OP, not you. Your Dad was fine with it too, so ignore her. It is not nice to be in the middle of family conflict but she has caused this, not you. Hopefully she will calm down and as the grieving process moves on she will see it was not an issue at all. Sorry for your loss but I think you did the right thing!

oh i see you took him... if the aunt still goes on about it in future, remind her the funeral wasn't about her!!!

An impeccably behaved child has ruined a funeral? Your aunt has issues, OP. You did the right thing. Hope you’re OK today. 💐

So sorry about your GM, OP. I think you did the right thing. You had the right to say goodbye to your beloved Grandma and it sounds like your DS was very good.

Your Aunt is being unreasonable and as hard as it is, I think you need to let her go away and sulk. Weddings and Funerals often bring out the worst in people and hopefully she’ll calm down.