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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask those of you who's partners have their own businesses

60 replies

Shitshitshitshit · 17/04/2019 18:31

DH has had his own business for around 3 years now.

It's going really well and he's doing well financially from it at the moment. I've been helping a lot with admin/paperwork side of things too as it's just sort of exploded straight away so there's a lot to do! I'm really proud of what he's managed to build in the short amount of time.

He works hard though. He very rarely has a break and will often have to go in at weekends etc... as he has a lot of work on. I worry that he will end up burning himself out (it's quite a physical what he does).

He also struggles to wind down at home. We really enjoy each other's company and he's a good partner but I can tell he constantly has things to do with work on his mind. He doesn't get stressed at me but I can tell he's generally stressed iyswim.

I'm also a natural worrier too so I always have a little bit in the back of my mind panicking about what we'd do if it all went to pot (which there's no sign of at the moment but still!).

Those of you who are married to/with someone who has their own business, do you find it hard sometimes? Do your OHs work a lot and find it hard to turn off when they are home? And was it worth it for you in the end?

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 17/04/2019 18:33

Why isn’t this directed at those MNers who have their own business rather than those whose partners have their own business?

Original poster
Shitshitshitshit · 17/04/2019 18:34

Because I'm asking for people's experiences being the partner of someone who has their own business like I am...

OP posts:
Original poster
Shitshitshitshit · 17/04/2019 18:35

Obviously happy to hear from people who have their own businesses too but their experiences may be different to those of their partner.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 17/04/2019 18:38

Do your OHs work a lot and find it hard to turn off when they are home?

But surely this is a question better answered by the person who is doing the business work?

littlemeitslyn · 17/04/2019 18:41

Oh give poster a break ffs

iklboo · 17/04/2019 18:41

Why isn’t this directed at those MNers who have their own business rather than those whose partners have their own business?

Because the OP is asking for the experience of people whose partners are working very long hours to make their business work. Not how those running their own business feel themselves.

And no, it's not best asked of the people doing the work. The OP is referring to how her husband is not fully engaging with her because he has other things on his mind. Like. You know. How she feels about it and if anyone else feels the same.

RomanyQueen1 · 17/04/2019 18:41

Mine works about 16 hours a day but when you speak to him he says it isn't work. I suppose this is good because if it's fun to them they become less stressed.
I'd advise keeping your eye on the ball as nothing is guaranteed, not like pay from an employer. But there again your employer could make you redundant so not much difference.
It's great you are helping him and probably the reason he's been able to grow so much.
The first few years are the worst and then it does get easier. There's so many one offs with setting up a business.
good luck to him

ItsBloodyFreezingg · 17/04/2019 18:41

Jesus, OP is allowed to ask the experiences of other people in her own situation.

I agree the experience of the partner and the experience of the business owner may be very different.

It's very different living with someone who's stressed than it is being the person who's stressed for example.

Fwiw, yes my DH has his own business and we've been through every stage you mentioned above whilst it was finding it's feet.

He has employed a few staff now so he seems a lot more relaxed which in turn makes our home life a lot more enjoyable!

He still has manic months but yes it's got better!

ILoveMaxiBondi · 17/04/2019 18:42

No little, I wanted to know why it wasn’t direct at MNers, but their husbands.

RomanyQueen1 · 17/04/2019 18:43

I didn't read it as husbands but partners, it's in the title Grin

Whitechocandraspberry · 17/04/2019 18:44

MY husband owns his own business. He works 7 days a week. He never switches off. It’s the way it has been for years

ItsBloodyFreezingg · 17/04/2019 18:44

OP mentioned her own husband but actually directed the question to anyone who's PARTNER (male or female) own a business.

Springiscomingsoon · 17/04/2019 18:46

Yes it's hard sometimes. But very much worth it if it's what he/she wants to do and provides fulfilment.
I support my partner and give lots of encouragement and make lots of tea when needed during the long working hours. Evenings and weekends.
I don't ever moan. Even when OH works on holiday.
He does the same for me.
It is very different than working for someone else but the rewards are greater. It's definitely worth it.
Encourage him positively to allocate time for relaxing as everyone needs to do that.
If there's lots of money coming in at the moment put some aside for the quieter times.

Halo1234 · 17/04/2019 18:46

My husband has he own business. When he first set it up he was working crazy hours and for a few years it was really tough...not knowing if it was even going to work out or not. He had lots of nights working through the night to meet deadlines and would catch a few hours sleep when he could. Its was tough. Now it's a little bit bigger and he has 3 members of staff to share the load and it's much better. He was able to do take a random day off yesterday to go on our sons school trip as a parent helper and there is a much better work life balance. But he still takes his laptop on holidays and has to work at night occasionally. But he isn't taking every call personally and it has got easier. I went part time too so I dont mind taking the slack at home. In the beginning I was working full time too. Dont know how we did it looking back. Xx

WheelyCote · 17/04/2019 18:48

DP has his own business, doing well. He works long hours and has recently only started taking two days off a week ish. His second day he uses for scouting out new contacts and casual meetings.
Its the responsibility.....its on his shoulders if it works and after a bankruptcy years ago...he never wants to go back.

Its a lifestyle choice....hes burned out multiple times but theres no telling him.
We even split up because it was heartbreaking watching him wear himself down.

Original poster
Shitshitshitshit · 17/04/2019 18:49

I'm not just referring to husband's. I mention my own because that's my situation but the question (as per my OP) is open to anyone who's partner has a business, not specifically males.

I'm not trying to imply men are the only ones who can run a business. I'm talking about my own experience. Very happy to welcome posts from men who's wives own businesses too.

Thanks to those of you that have replied sensibly.

Whitechocandraspberry are you used to it now or does it cause problems for you? I just worry about him doing too much but he has no choice if he wants it to succeed.

I'm trying to find the balance between being supportive and looking out for him!

OP posts:
CorianderDestroysFamilies · 17/04/2019 18:51

My OH has his own business and I can kind of get why you’ve asked partners as opposed to those with their own business because my husband would get defensive and say he can switch off and keeps work stress separate whereas I’d say he doesn’t and it does affect us as a family.
My husband works a lot, quiet times of the year (late jan - early March) he may get 2 days off during the week, busy times he might just get the odd afternoon or evening. I’d say his average hours per week over the year are 60 ish.
He finds it really hard to switch off at home and is always “on” as he gets a lot of messages even when he’s not in work from staff, clients and suppliers. To get him to fully relax we tend to have to go away, I’m hoping this will get better as we build a good team and he can step back a bit.
Has it been worth it?! It’s too early to tell but I’d like to think it will have been however it has nearly broken up our family a few times due to the sacrifices it’s forced us to make so we’ll see.

VladmirsPoutine · 17/04/2019 18:51

'All ye non-feminists must not enter here.'

@ILoveMaxiBondi Put the placard down.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 17/04/2019 18:53

Ok fair enough. Apologies OP.

Whitechocandraspberry · 17/04/2019 18:54

I’m used to it now and resigned to the fact that he will never change. He will never relax. We have 4 children and I also work full time in very demanding job, but I have always been able to switch off at home. I’ve never taken work home even though sometimes it can take me a while to wind down. He has had his own business since before our first was born. It is a bit like being a single parent in a lot of respects

TeddybearBaby · 17/04/2019 18:56

We argue (or used to) because I felt like I was on my own all the time. It used to be a joke with friends and family that I was like a single mum cos I went everywhere alone. My husband still jokes now that my son had to go and be born on the busiest day of the year. I remember clearly as well him trying to convince me that he goes to work and then I call him if need be 🙄. BUT he will argue that he would rather be at home / out with us but what can he do, he has to earn money and the buck falls with him. I do get it but I think he’s missed out on some times that he’ll never get back. I don’t see any way round it either though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Whitechocandraspberry · 17/04/2019 18:57

He is never home evenings so when me and kids are at work and school all day don’t see him apart from at breakfast time.

I don’t think he’d be happy winding down

TeddybearBaby · 17/04/2019 18:58

Ps he switches off at home work wise but can’t sit still! That’s just his nature, came in from work last night and took the kids swimming, will often take them to badminton or the park. He just doesn’t sit still generally!

Whitechocandraspberry · 17/04/2019 18:59

When i has my first he took 1 day off. Same with 2nd. With 3rd and 4th he picked me up from the hospital dropped me off at the house and went to work. No days off. It’s what I’ve always known so well used to it by now.

TellItLikeItReallyIs · 17/04/2019 19:00

One of the things that is really annoying is that he won't take a long holiday because he worries his clients will go elsewhere.

The longest he will take is 10 days (from Friday to a week the following monday) because he says that people don't expect him to work at the weekends and he can prepare clients for him being unavailable for a week but longer than that they will go elsewhere.

It's enormously inconvenient for me but we don't have children so it could be worse!