To ask those of you who's partners have their own businesses

[Shitshitshitshit]

DH has had his own business for around 3 years now.

It's going really well and he's doing well financially from it at the moment. I've been helping a lot with admin/paperwork side of things too as it's just sort of exploded straight away so there's a lot to do! I'm really proud of what he's managed to build in the short amount of time.

He works hard though. He very rarely has a break and will often have to go in at weekends etc... as he has a lot of work on. I worry that he will end up burning himself out (it's quite a physical what he does).

He also struggles to wind down at home. We really enjoy each other's company and he's a good partner but I can tell he constantly has things to do with work on his mind. He doesn't get stressed at me but I can tell he's generally stressed iyswim.

I'm also a natural worrier too so I always have a little bit in the back of my mind panicking about what we'd do if it all went to pot (which there's no sign of at the moment but still!).

Those of you who are married to/with someone who has their own business, do you find it hard sometimes? Do your OHs work a lot and find it hard to turn off when they are home? And was it worth it for you in the end?

My OH has his own business (together with his dad) and to begin with, and at busy times of the year (summer, which sucks for going on holiday) he can be working a lot but now the business has grown and he has employees he can take time off quite easily, like if I have an appointment he'll leave work to drive me and look after the baby. So much more flexible than if he were working for someone else.

We actually did manage to go on holiday last year which I'm thankful for! It was hard though and he was still making calls etc...

I've also woken up many a night shouting at him to turn his phone on bloody silent. He has a lot of customers in other countries so it can be going off all hours.

Could he delegate now that the business is growing? Someone to do the grunt work?

Delegation is so important, I love our minions, they even installed our car seat for us! (probably not in the job description but they were happy to help)

My dh has been self employed for about 7 years. I would say it’s easier than being employed, not harder. At times when things are busy and stressful, it can be difficult and work bleeds a bit more into family life. But that is no different from anyone with a demanding career. I’m not self employed and I have those weeks too.

What’s key is setting priorities and boundaries. My dh does the school run 3 days a week and though he works evenings after dc’s bedtime, he’s home for dinner every night and rarely works weekends (maybe 10 weekends a year due to specific events). That’s a conscious choice though. There is enough work that he could work til 8 every night and miss dinner and bedtime. But he chooses not to (and well, he has to be because I work too and he has to do school run, dinner, homework part of the week).

The business has been very successful but the whole point was to have more flexibility for family life. His/our attitude has always been what’s the point of working all the time and never making the most of the flexibility that being self employed can provide?

We seem to have all the stress of running a business but none of the benefits. DH has been to 1 sports day and 1 parents evening in the last 9 years. We have 1 week per year family holiday and dont have the budget to outsource anything other than childcare. I spoke to my Dsis the other day at how stresssed i was getting about making tax digital, accountants, auto enrolment etc and she was really breezily suggesting just do xyz, as if it was super easy. Not appreciating these things keep me awake for nights in end. A few weeks later she was saying she was stressed out trying to choose new items for their revamped lounge. My sympathy levels were very low!!

My husband has his own business and I have my own business too. Two completely different industries and totally different roles. We both earn similar amounts, coincidentally. We hardly ever talk about work with one another unless it’s something major and we try hard to switch off when at home. We support each other as neither of us is obliged to be the breadwinner - we contribute equally so it takes away some of the stress of it all.
It doesn’t have to be all consuming to be successful, but for most it quite often is.

Some of you mentioned flexibility that you wouldn't get with a regular job and I have to admit that we have benefitted from that aspect a few times.

I have to go back for forth to hospital appointments and being self employed usually means that he can work it so he can accompany me. Although it usually gets made up for later on in the evening or at the weekend.

We're hoping that one day I'll be able to work with him full time to ease up the paperwork side of things even more but I don't feel comfortable enough yet to give up my 9-5.

I have my own business, as does DH. I think it was like this in the beginning for both of us, but it’s important to know when to establish boundaries and when to bring in support staff.

For instance, neither of us answer phone calls in the evening, and never will. We have set business hours, communicated to our clients and that’s that. We (mostly) take weekends off. We check in occasionally when on holiday, but mostly trust our teams to get on with it - all stuff built in at the beginning.

For the long term, start thinking about boundaries and working patterns that will work for your family. Work smarter, not harder, and all that.

I’d also recommend you starting a business, however small or whatever lane. It’s helped us grow together and we understand what’s going on for each other at given moments. That understanding is such a big part of our relationship, because business can takeover sometimes.

My husband has had his own business for 8 years. Employs 45 staff. He works so hard. Works weekends, nights until midnight. Works all the holidays we go on, which drives me mad and really gets me down. I take children to the beach and pool on my own. So very many sacrifices. He doesn’t sleep. Huge responsibility to pay 40 + staff every month and keep everyone happy and motivated., Its hard on all of us and has a major impromptu our family life.