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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to my sister's school walk in?

104 replies

LittleMissMummaBear · 17/04/2019 15:34

I am a 25-year-old parent of two little girls, ages 4 and 3, and am pregnant with twins. My DH is in the army and is currently away from home. So I am living with my two daughters, and my younger sister who is 16 years old. My mum lives with her mum and looks after her on the daily so I took in my little sister as she is a lovely teenager and it wasn't fair to be living with my mum when my mum was already looking after my nan. plus she keeps me company as DH is away!

Anyway, my sister is in her GCSE and her school is doing a walk-in where parents can look at their work. I love my sister and I think she really deserves someone to see her work as she is a brilliant student. This walk-in day is tomorrow.

My mother is telling me I have to go. But I have two young children that need to be looked after plus I'm heavily pregnant with twins?! I was expecting for my mum to go, it's the least she can do as she doesn't even live with her daughter.

But my mum is looking after my nan who is really really sick so I kinda understand where she is coming from! I really want someone to go this bloody walk-in as my sister really deserves it but I just don't know what to do!! I know it would really disappoint her if no one went.

Have no where to leave the kids, could bring them to my mum's but she grumbles so much when I do that as she has to look after three people and she can hardly balance that.

I am at such a loss what to do and avoiding my sister's questions about who's going to her school walk-in so she doesn't know I strongly don't feel like walking around being humiliated by school mums because I'm 25 and have four kids.

Either tell me to suck it up and bear it or help me out by giving advice?? Thank you x

OP posts:
Dieu · 18/04/2019 09:05

How about you go to your gran's with the children, while your mother attends the event?
You sound lovely, OP Smile

7yo7yo · 18/04/2019 09:11

Your sister is lucky to have you.
Your mum is a shit mum and remember when your nan dies (as people inevitably do). She will come crawling as she will want company and comfort.
Do not provide it.
She doesn’t deserve it.

AestheticPerfection · 18/04/2019 09:21

You're not a sister. Your mum is a bad mother. I'm so sorry she yelled at you like that. And I think you're amazing.

Howmanysleepstilchristmas · 18/04/2019 09:32

I have 4 dc. I’ve regularly had to take the younger ones to school events for the older ones. Whilst the oldest has been at secondary that’s meant from a 3yo, 5yo (and 10yo) up to a 5yo and 6yo attending with me. We are never the only ones with small kids. During the sitting down bits, food helps (it’s the only time mine sit still, so a load of treats in my handbag help! Bonus points if I get them to eat something that passes as a meal). Playing on my phone on silent is an option but less effective. During walking around bits it’s easier, they tend to find a teacher to charm, which they seem happy enough about as it’s a pleasant change from teenagers and my dc get very enthusiastic about secondary school subjects! Ignore any bitchy children, they probably bitch about all the parents not just you. Ignore any judgy mums- the only thing that occurs to me when I see young mums is how old I look/ feel!

Chickychoccyegg · 18/04/2019 09:48

you sound absolutely lovely, what a great sister you are.
its your mums job to go to her dds walk in, she cant expect to do nothing at all for her own dd,because shes caring for nan, thats very unrealistic and a bit selfish of her too.

PrimalLass · 18/04/2019 10:05

Loads of luck - it will be fine.

Who gets the child benefit for your sister? I hope it isn't your mum.

skunkatanka · 18/04/2019 10:19

Is the walk in today? In the Easter holidays?

Acis · 18/04/2019 10:39

Does you mum really look after her mother 24/7? What does she do about shopping, her own medical appointments, etc?

If she either leaves her or trusts someone else to look after her for those purposes, she's on weak ground here.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 18/04/2019 10:54

I also think your mum is using your nan as an excuse. Your update about living with your Dad until his death pretty much proves she has no interest in either of you. You sound like an amazing woman and I'm so glad your sister has you.

Good luck for the walk-in later, hopefully the phone/tablet helps, and I don't think anyone would raise an eyebrow if you went for good old-fashioned bribery! A little bag of jelly babies etc each probably won't hurt just this once Wink

Sewrainbow · 18/04/2019 12:18

You are not a bad sister, she is a bad mum! She shouldat least give you money towards her keep and go to her special school open day even if she can't manage everything else due to her caring respinsibilites

PrimalLass · 18/04/2019 13:40

Is the walk in today? In the Easter holidays?

You do get that different LAs around the country take different holidays, right?

bobstersmum · 18/04/2019 13:46

There is absolutely no shame in your situation op, I personally would take my dc with me and hold my head up high, no one will look at you negatively, I'd have nothing but admiration for you!

skunkatanka · 18/04/2019 16:11

I do primal but it'd be very strange for a school to still be open on Maundy Thursday. It would make for a very late Easter holiday that's for sure.

CheesyMother · 18/04/2019 16:26

@skunkatanka or they are already back at school after the Easter holidays... I know there are some schools that went back at the beginning of this week.

CheesyMother · 18/04/2019 16:26

@LittleMissMummaBear you sound like a brilliant big sister! I hope it all went well.

imbluedabedeba · 18/04/2019 16:28

Skunkatanka, schools by me had 2 weeks off, went back Monday and now have 2 shorter weeks

MachineBee · 18/04/2019 16:35

Hope it all went well today OP.

skunkatanka · 18/04/2019 16:39

Fair enough imblue.

ittakes2 · 18/04/2019 16:53

Can’t you take your kids with you? I doubt people will get baby sitting for younger siblings. It’s none of anyone else’s business your age and how many kids you have. My mum had 5 before she was 27.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 18/04/2019 17:13

Hope you managed x

Susanna30 · 18/04/2019 17:38

Her mother should be going to the walk in.
Her mother should make arrangements to cover other care responsibilities she may have, her child should be her priority especially as she is not living with her.

This isn't on you.

Dizzywizz · 19/04/2019 10:10

How did it go op?

TheGodmother · 19/04/2019 10:30

Oh darling your posts made me cry. You're an amazing young lady and I'd be proud if my DD grew up like you.

I'm sure it went well last night and you did your sister proud.

From the sounds of it your mum hasn't really been a mum to you at all. I assume your dad looked after you both until he does when you were 11?

You need to go to citizens advice and find out about guardianship but at the very least what financial support you should be receiving. Your mum can't just pocket all of your sisters money!!

Also in the future be aware that your mum will expect to have you looking after her as she looks after her mum at the moment.

Get as far away as possible from her. With your lovely little family and your sister.

Hope all goes well with your pregnancy, it's lovely knowing there are some amazing people in this world! And you are def one of them!

Original poster
LittleMissMummaBear · 20/04/2019 15:32

Hi everyone, all the lovely comments made me cry, thank you for the support!
In the end I went with all the kids to the walk in and looked at my sister's brilliant work trying to ignore the whispers and stares some teenagers were giving me. It went relatively well, despite my 3 year old Ava harassing me every two minutes "when are we going home?"
A bit bitter-sweet but this thread has helped me come to terms that my mum is not fit to be a mum at all.
I am now getting Child Benefit for my sister and will be getting custody of my sister this year, hopefully. My mother doesn't seem to care in the least and my dear sister is happy with it. Thank you everyone for helping me accept what my mum was doing was wrong! x

OP posts:
IHateUncleJamie · 20/04/2019 15:37

@LittleMissMummaBear That’s BRILLIANT ❤️ Well done you. Always ignore bitchy teenage girls!

You are a wonderful sister - best of luck with the birth and best of luck to your lovely sister with her exams. Flowers