Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister-in-Law's party

75 replies

Orla0502 · 17/04/2019 15:07

Visiting in-laws' for the holiday.
MiL very upset when we arrived as she had invited DH's brother to come over to have a BBQ but it turns out SiL is having a party to which she is not invited.
DH goes out with brother for a drink and he extends an invitation to us for SiL's birthday. I text SiL as I had a bad feeling. She did not know that DH and I had been invited but said that she is more than happy. I commented that the kids will be happy to see her two. BUT it turns out that our kids are not invited, while her kids will be there no other kids are invited as she feels that her kids will become hyper! She suggests out mutual in-laws can babysit as we are staying in their house.
I am a bit miffed if I am honest. DH is embarrassed and MiL flat out refuses to babysit as she won't enable bad manners.
Now DH has said he would like to pop over for an hour and I could go as well when he comes back.
Don't know who I am more pissed off with and want to pack up and go home.
Any comments?

OP posts:
BlueMerchant · 17/04/2019 15:12

I'd want to go home too.
Take the kids out somewhere. Just you and them.
They all sound delightful.

Hotsummerplease · 17/04/2019 15:14

I think SIL having a party and not inviting MIL sounds fine. But it has got all a bit awkward for you, especially with the kids situation. I just wouldn't bother and have the original BBQ with MIL who you are staying with. It wld seem rude to snub her for a party she isn't invited to, whether that is right or wrong. If DH really wants to go to the party that's his call but I wld be hacked off about that.

Shoxfordian · 17/04/2019 15:14

Keep well out of it op
Go out somewhere else with your dc

YouTheCat · 17/04/2019 15:15

If you're supposed to be having a bbq at your mil's then that is what you should do. Bugger the sil's birthday gathering.

Bluntness100 · 17/04/2019 15:16

God, the thought of having to invite the in-laws when I was having a party with my friends has me clenching my bum cheeks.

The kids though is a different matter, if she wants a party focused on the adults, I think that's fair enough. If she invites your kids, she may get the same from others then it's a whole other vibe.

I really don't think uou should all be dictating the terms of her party, and your mother in law is behaving badly.

Cherrysoup · 17/04/2019 15:16

You really can't ask mil to babysit while you go off to the BBQ, that's dumb of sil. No, she doesn't have to invite mil to the BBQ, your bil has been silly.

IncrediblySadToo · 17/04/2019 15:20

It seems a bit shite to invite you guys and not your MIL when you’re staying with her, but your SIL is entitled not to want her MIL at a party, it does generally change the vibe. Your BIL should have just said they were going out with friends...

However, I think she’s behaving unreasonably to YOU though, it’s not your fault she wasn’t invited.

If you get on with your MIL I’d tell DH to go, I’d stay home with the kids, play games, watch movies etc with some nice snacks & wine, but if you can’t relax there then tell DH none of you are going as you are not spending the evening on your own, with HIS mother, so he can go and party 🤷🏻‍♀️

dayswithaY · 17/04/2019 15:21

Entitled MIL assuming she should have a party invite? I wouldn't want my MIL at my party. Totally fine. But even I would draw the line at swanning off to said party leaving her to babysit. Stay out of it, you'll be back home soon.

YouTheCat · 17/04/2019 15:22

Does nobody think it would be very rude to just swan off to a party when they are staying with the mil?

BackforGood · 17/04/2019 15:22

How is it bad manners to invite only adult friends to a 'do' you are hosting? Confused

IncrediblySadToo · 17/04/2019 15:23

If DH really wants to go to the party that's his call

No, it’s really not. They’re staying at HIS mother’s and HE has children that need looking after. He doesn’t just get to drag them all to his mothers then fuck off to a party if the OP doesn’t want to him to.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2019 15:24

Why is it so awful that your SIL and BIL don't want the MIL at their party? They probably want it to just be friends. Having the MIL there would totally change the dynamic. Can your MIL really not understand that? Does she really think she should be a part of absolutely everything they do? That's just ridiculous and very self-absorbed.

churchthecat · 17/04/2019 15:24

What kind of party is it? Unless it's all family excluding only MIL I don't see why she is pissed off.

We don't have all of our friends round and also invite MIL.

Bluntness100 · 17/04/2019 15:26

Op, she's having a birthday party with her mates.

You, your husband and her in laws were not invited. There is nothing wrong with this. She was having a birthday party with her mates.

Your mother in law kicking off because apparently she feels she should have been invited for some odd reason, is what caused your brother in law to invite you and your husband, it's a last min invite and your sister in law didn't even know. This event is about her and her mates.

You now wanting to bring your kids, your mother in law wanting to come. It's all a bit shit.

Let her have her birthday as planned with her mates. If you can get a baby sitter who isn't your mother in law, then you and your husband go. If not, just have a bbq with your in laws.

And explain to your mother in law that your sister in law is allowed to have friends and a social life with them. She doesn't need to invite her in-laws. As I'm fairly sure your mother in law didn't invite hers.

thecatsthecats · 17/04/2019 15:34

Bluntness

Spot on. Your MIL is shit stirring, to be quite honest. Who sulks and spats over not being invited to a DIL/SIL's gathering of friends? My parents probably couldn't imagine worse than joining my friends for an afternoon, let alone my husband's.

The comment about not enabling rudeness is just pathetic. Not being invited to a party is not rude.

(My MIL has this blindspot - she would absolutely love it if we just enmeshed our entire social lives with her friends and family. My family err on the side of liking to keep things separate - they don't want me spoiling thier dynamic with their friends!)

RhiWrites · 17/04/2019 15:35

Absolutely with @bluntness100 on this. It’s not fair to SIL that all of you are trying to crash her party.

MIL is sulking about an invite. Now you’re assuming you can bring your kids,

She wants to get drunk with her mates in the almost sunny afternoon. Leave her alone. And tell your husband to pay attention to his mum who is hosting him.

Why don’t you have a BBQ where you are?

AryaStarkWolf · 17/04/2019 15:37

It's her birthday and her Dh invited you without asking and then you want to bring your kids and her MIL is annoyed with her.....I feel bad for her, birthday ruined haha

Neolara · 17/04/2019 15:37

You're staying with your MIL and she wants to do a BBQ for you and also asked other family. You really can't bugger off to your SILs party and miss the BBQ. That would be the height of rudeness. It's dumping your MIL for another / better offer.

magicstar1 · 17/04/2019 15:43

Bluntness is spot on here. It's a party with her friends for her birthday. We have both my parents and inlaws around a lot, but also have nights with friends that we don't invite parents too...it's a different type of night.

Erksum · 17/04/2019 15:43

I agree with bluntness too. I can’t see the SIL has done anything wrong at all.

If I were you I’d not go but if your husband wants to pop over for a quick visit I wouldn’t mind either.

There is no need for anyone to be offended or for things to be awkward.

Bluntness100 · 17/04/2019 15:44

I can't believe you want to go home over this op. And expected your kids to be invited. You and your mother in law are quite similar really.

Do you not have friends? People you socialise with and don't invite your parents, in laws or siblings out with? Your sister in law is doing nothing wrong here. You and your mother in law are.

I simply can't imagine a scenario where my daughter told me she was having a party with her mates for her birthday and I insisted on crashing it to hang out with them, never mind her partners birthday.

All in you and your mother in law need to really take a step back here. Have your bbq. Let your husband go for an hour. Leave it there. Being related to this woman does not mean she is not entitled to a birthday party with her mates.

eddielizzard · 17/04/2019 15:46

Agree with Bluntness. We are all allowed to have social events without having to invite our entire fucking family. Let alone our in-laws (shudder). Don't take offence, just have a nice meal at your in-laws and ignore your shit stirring MIL.

thecatsthecats · 17/04/2019 15:47

I simply can't imagine a scenario where my daughter told me she was having a party with her mates for her birthday and I insisted on crashing it to hang out with them, never mind her partners birthday.

A good rule of thumb for this would be "If this exact group of people were having a meet up but it was hosted by one of the others, would X be invited?"

If the answer's no... it's no!

Easterbunnynearlyhere · 17/04/2019 15:49

Why should the dh go and op stay with his dps? Sil hasn't been a cf in stating no more dc, or mil!! But dh is a cf of he thinks he gets to party while you stay behind with his lemon sucking dm!!

Knittedfairies · 17/04/2019 15:50

If your SIL was having a family BBQ you may well all have received an invitation. But it isn't; it's a birthday party with her friends.