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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to give my children a double bed each?

529 replies

TheCherries · 16/04/2019 23:22

I am in the process of decorating new bedrooms for my two young teenagers.

Both are insistent their friends all now have double beds and it isn’t fair I am making them keep their single beds.

Changing their beds isn’t an option we don’t have the budget for it anyway but it got me thinking is it really a rite of passage to have a double bed as a teenager?

Surely you wait until you are an age to share the bed with another. My feeling is the larger the bed the more you get used to spreading out.

I would prefer to keep the single bed with guest bed underneath for sleepovers and enjoy the extra space in their rooms the rest of the time.

We have two spare bedrooms so we don’t need to double up the use of their beds for relatives staying over.

Do yours have a double bed?

OP posts:
PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 17/04/2019 11:42

I didn't have a double bed until my postgrad, but still used my single duvet. I'd only chosen the quilt covers a couple of years earlier (halls provided it, and it was washed for you) so I wanted to actually use them! It made washing and ironing easier as well...

FannyFifer · 17/04/2019 11:45

My two have always slept in double beds.

mrsm43s · 17/04/2019 11:54

DD (14) has a small double ottoman bed. Because its only for her, its pushed against the wall. Its really useful for both sleepovers and the underbed storage.

She also has a dressing table/desk, a (single) wardrobe, bedside table chest of drawers and an electric piano in her fairly average sized room, and its not cramped.

DS (13) currently has a single with pull out trundle bed. I would like to upgrade to a small double ottoman, but he's not keen on the idea of sharing a double bed with friends for sleepovers, so will keep his bed until he stops wanting friends to stay over (no room really for a double and an open z bed in his room). In addition to small double, he would have room for his (single) wardrobe with drawers under, his desk & chair, and his bedside table/bookcase. His room is a smallish double bedroom.

On the whole, small doubles for teens work well, especially if they are ottomans with storage underneath. Putting them against the wall means they will fit into all but the very smallest of rooms, which is fine when there's usually only one person sleeping in the bed. Teens don't need much floor space, so as long as wardrobe/drawers and desk fit in its perfectly fine.

RandomUsernameHere · 17/04/2019 11:55

Interesting thread, I've never thought about it before! My DC are still young but I'm now dreading the laundry if/when they ask for doubles. I can't stand changing our bedding (super King), changing singles is so much easier!

Raspberry88 · 17/04/2019 12:17

Putting them against the wall means they will fit into all but the very smallest of rooms

I'm just not sure this is true for the majority of houses. We've just moved from a three bed terrace that had what was considered to be a fairly large third bedroom. Might have just fitted a small double in but not as well as other furniture and it would have been difficult with the door. I've rarely been in a three bed house with any more than a box room. I would say that the majority of third bedrooms are too small for a double.

bingoitsadingo · 17/04/2019 12:37

@RandomUsernameHere if they're old enough for a double bed, they're old enough to change their own bedding Wink

Personally I think a single bed is fine, but single duvets are rubbish. I always had a double duvet on a single bed at home and university, I find a single duvet always slips off if you move, or you get a draught!

Drogosnextwife · 17/04/2019 12:40

Most of my friends had double beds as teenagers, we couldn't fit one into my tiny room do I didn't have one until I moved out, even then my dad couldn't understand why I wanted a double bed and couldn't just keep the single from their house Hmm

Floofboopsnootandbork · 17/04/2019 12:45

I had a double bed from when I was 12, some friends had one earlier, some friends never got one. I even had a friend who went straight from toddler size bed to a double, I loved saying at her house Grin It doesn’t really matter what everyone else has, most teenagers I know now have double beds but that doesn’t mean you have to if you can’t afford new beds. If you do have room and can afford it and that’s what your teens want then I think it’s pretty shit to not get them one because of your preference, it’s their room, and probably the only room that is fully theirs and no one else’s, at the end of the day.

What are your views about sex? Not prying, but whilst I might know my DD is having it, I don't want to encourage it in the house! Having a double bed, just makes it easier.
This is probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard Grin I use the same amount of room having sex whether I’m in a double or single bed and having a double does not encourage me to have sex anymore than being in a single.

RandomUsernameHere · 17/04/2019 13:28

@bingoitsadingo good point, I hadn't thought of that either! Wink

tantamountto · 17/04/2019 13:34

I think it's a bit over the top and indulgent. A single bed provides far more space than half of a basic size double bed, and those are commonly shared by 2 full sized adults. And a double bed will transform many single rooms into a very cramped room. I think the sense of space is more important. I think a single is fine at least until you leave university.

Cwtches123 · 17/04/2019 13:35

DD 14 has just redone her room. She has a high sleeper which is made for adults and a double sofa bed underneath.
Her preference was for more floor space and a sofa to lounge about on!

I don't think any of her friends have a double bed.

PicaK · 17/04/2019 13:38

Mine have double beds. Have done since they were 2 years old.
This is my cunning plan - so they will always think of their home as the most comfortable bed ever.

gamerchick · 17/04/2019 13:38

Mine went into doubles from the cot. Much easier for poorly nights and nightmares.

IckyTummy · 17/04/2019 13:39

Mine will have doubles because when we have guests (my parents from across the Atlantic, mainly) the kids get turfed out and camp out on an air mattress fort.

Original poster
TheCherries · 17/04/2019 13:46

Thanks all for your responses. So many thank you. I should have run a poll! Got through half of them so far will continue later.

For those who make the assumption I have unlimited money because I have a 5 bed house are incorrect

We are lucky to have a house this size and bought it as we both work from home so the spare bedrooms are offices for ourselves, we have an interest only mortgage to enable us to stretch to do so. The spare bedrooms have single beds in them so we can move guests and offices about when guests stay.

It is useful to suggest double beds are good for tall teens one is definitely heading that way and also good point about having them stay over at yours when the time comes for partners, and also good to do it before they do reach that age.

Useful mumsnetters as always thank you

OP posts:
Whoops75 · 17/04/2019 13:58

Ours went from cots to double beds.

Handy for nights they are sick/ lonely and for using as guest rooms.

Orangecake123 · 17/04/2019 13:58

If you can't afford a double bed OP it's okay. I had a single bed and shared a double with my other sister when we were younger.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/04/2019 14:00

"MN isn’t the real world. My two teenager’s bedrooms are too small for double beds - lots of kids have to share rooms.. All I can say is that everyone must have big houses on this post."

I'm sorry, @Beansandcoffee, but it is a bit daft to suggest that only people with small bedrooms for their children 'live in the real world'. My world is as real as yours, I am sure, despite having double bedrooms.

We did get double beds for two of our three dses - ds1 got one when we moved house to one with bigger bedrooms - as part of the move, we had some money in the budget to do up their rooms, and he chose to have a double bed, whilst ds3 asked for a single bed - and ds2 asked for a new bike instead!

When ds1 moved out, ds2 got his room and his bed, and for his birthday that year (iirc) ds3 asked for a double bed for his room.

However, if the money hadn't been there, they'd have had to stick with their single beds - it's a fact of life that most people's budgets have limitations, and you can only do what you can afford.

If I were you, @TheCherries, I would explain the limits of your budget, and talk to your dc about ways that it might be possible to afford double beds in the future - saving up birthday money, maybe, or getting a paper round or doing other chores to raise at least part of the money. They could also look on Freecycle, to see if they could find double beds there - then you'd only have the cost of new bedding - which they could save up for.

SilentSister · 17/04/2019 14:08

If you do have room and can afford it and that’s what your teens want then I think it’s pretty shit to not get them one because of your preference, it’s their room, and probably the only room that is fully theirs and no one else’s, at the end of the day

I'm obviously a shit parent then, because my kids don't always get what they want even when we do have the space, and the money, and I am at peace with that.

woodhill · 17/04/2019 14:20

Intake it all these young dc in doubles didn't have any problems with being dry at night?

gamerchick · 17/04/2019 14:33

There are mattress protectors for double beds.

woodhill · 17/04/2019 14:41

Yes of course but it must generate more washing, bad enough in a single bed.

notacooldad · 17/04/2019 14:49

[am I really the only poster on MN tonight thinking that way???]
The sex issue wasnt a consideration when we got the boys a double bed. The first one we got was for Ds1 when his brother moved into the box room and we got rid of the bunk beds.
As Ds2 out grew the box room it was evident he wasn't sleeping well as we could only sit z small single in the room so we built an extension when he was 11 and the size of the room justified a double bed.

Ginger1982 · 17/04/2019 14:58

I had a single bed until I was...actually I don't think I'll say, it's too embarrassing!!

Hecateh · 17/04/2019 15:09

I think, as and when you are buying a new bed for a teen or nearly teen it makes sense to go double if there is room but if beds aren't in the budget at this time they stick with what they've got.

My kids were 13 and 15 when we moved and both needed new beds as they had had built in ones before. There bedrooms were quite small, so not a lot of space, but just enough.

DS15 opted for a single and more room and DD13 chose a double.