DH has just gone off in a strop because he walked poo through the house!

[ANewEra]

DH has just got back from his hobby. I was asleep, having fallen asleep watching something on my phone. As he comes in to turn it off, he stands in a present the cat has left and walks it across the room.

I then wake up to him scrubbing poop off the carpet with baby wipes and zoflora! When I suggest that this might not be the best course of action, i then get a long diatribe on how and why he thinks it is, blah, blah, blah! He is always like this whenever he is responsible for something. Gets super defensive and his ASC goes into over drive!

He's now gone off in a strop because I apparently 'attacked' him by suggesting that his way of cleaning wasnt the most effective and that accidents happen, don't worry about it! These things happen, just clean it up and move on! (I did help to clean it too btw- with hot soapy water and kitchen towels!)

AIBU?!

He was probably just annoyed and tired, not a good mix. I’m sure after a good nights sleep he can have a little chuckle about it this morning. I was 8 months pregnant when our dog was spayed and she had diarrhoea in our lounge at 10pm at night 🙄 my DP ran and put her out, got the cleaning products etc, he’s much better than I am, I was so tired but stayed helping (and moaning) he was annoyed too. Next morning we did have a bit of a laugh about it (whilst searching for a professional carpet cleaner). If your partner is going to get stroppy maybe he should come home earlier from his hobby and get an early night.

Agree with PP he was tired and was standing in poo probably just grumpy.

@ANewEra I don't think I would want someone making comments about how things should be done if I had stood in cat shit, but then again, I don't have pets for that reason 🤣

He still isn't speaking to me this morning! I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said he 'just can't right now'. Barely said two words to me after that and has gone off to work (I'm at home with the DC for the holidays).

I'm pretty pissed if tbh. He is completely unable to cope with not being perfect. He had a bit of a rough upbringing and was criticised over everything, the result being that he cannot cope with being wrong- even if it's an accident. It doesn't help that he has ASC, so has very set patterns of thinking, and associated germ-phobia. Basically last night was his nightmare! That being said, I didn't actually do anything apart from get out of bed to help him (I would have been in the wrong if I hadn't!)

FFS! I hate confrontation and we never argue, so this is a big deal in our house. What a stupid situation!!!

I suspect he thinks that your little chat about it will actually be you telling him what you think he should've done better. I'd avoid that too.

I'd use the time more productively to sort the cat out. It's really not normal for cats to shit with impunity. And how asleep would you have been to not have smelled that?

I would be pretty annoyed if someone told me how to clean up when I’m tired and pissed off
But clearly this is not about the cat shit for you

Depends on the tone of this, to be honest: When I suggest that this might not be the best course of action,

I'd be pretty sensitive if I was cleaning up cat shit late at night. We use baby wipes for similar- really effective, much better than soap and water which always leaves a dark patch on our carpet. It depends on your carpet!

I probably wouldn’t have criticised him for his clean up method unless it was actively damaging the carpet. I can see why he felt it was poor timing on your part!

Sulking about it the day after is worrying. That I think is more important than a spat at the time. Adults need to move on from trivial things, otherwise life becomes hard work for all involved.

It doesn’t sound like you got up to help. It sounds like you got up to criticise.
What’s wrong with baby wipes and zoflora? The wipes get shit off babies and zoflora is a disinfectant I believe (don’t use it myself).

He had a “nightmare” as you say with the poo and you weighed in with criticism.

He was tired and had just stood in cat shit (grim). You woke up to criticise his cleaning methods rather than to help him. In future, go get whatever it is you think will be better instead of dictating to him.

I would have been annoyed too if I were him, clearing it up and then you basically come along and tell him that he's doing it wrong.

However, the still not talking the following morning is worrying. I know it's a bit of a cliche on here, but it sounds like you could do with some couples therapy to help with communication.

Sorry but I would be hacked off too. Why did you need to criticize how he was cleaning? What's wrong with using disinfectant to clean up cat shit?

Making mistakes and being criticised can be a real problem for people with ASC. Ideally you should have left him to clean it up in his own way.

Ok, guess I was being unreasonable. I'll apologise to DH. Thank you

I don't think you're bring unreasonable at all! You made a suggestion and he's gone off in a sulk. His behaviour is the issue here.

I would have got up and got him better cleaning products and said "you might find this works better" or (more likely) left him to it. His reaction is ott though. Cleaning cat shit is miserable, listening to someone comment on how to do it would drive me mad.

I would be pissed off too if I was your DH.

Why is the cat not shitting in a litter tray?

These things happen-are we talking catshit in the middle of a room or had he walked it in fro outside?

Making mistakes and being criticised can be a real problem for people with ASC

It's not just a problem for people with ASC though. A lot of folk wouldn't take kindly to being told that they were "cleaning up wrong" when they're doing their best to clear up cat shit late at night. I can see both myself and also my DP reacting defensively to that. Sulking the next day is a different issue if there's a pattern for that. But generally I don't think many people appreciate "back seat drivers" when they're getting on with a household task.

I wonder if this is the straw that broke the camels back for your DH? I remember a similar situation with my now ex DP, except I was the one being criticised for doing something my way. I was so sick of being told how to do things (or him redoing things such as rehanging the washing on the line) that I just didn't want to talk to him for a few days as I was just so fed up. Maybe not the most mature response, but all attempts to explain how he was pissing me off (at 40 years old I had managed successfully to hang washing for some time) by treating me like an idiot had fallen on deaf ears.

I would have done what you did op and can see how reeeally irritating it is to criticise how another grown up does something! I think we both need to practise a little restraint( and maybe have a go at it ourselves when he’s gone out if we can’t manage to live with it)😁

Baby wipes are very effective in cleaning baby poo, so can't really see the problem with the cleaning method he used?

My DH used to tell me "the best way" to do things. I put a stop to it. He's an adult and it's shocking to tell another adult how to manage basic tasks.

Unless he's wiping up shit with your best dress leave him alone! I can't see what's wrong with baby wipes and a bit of zoflora anyway. Though....Zoflora is HIGHLY toxic to cats and any cat owner should not have it in the house.