DH has just gone off in a strop because he walked poo through the house!

[ANewEra]

DH has just got back from his hobby. I was asleep, having fallen asleep watching something on my phone. As he comes in to turn it off, he stands in a present the cat has left and walks it across the room.

I then wake up to him scrubbing poop off the carpet with baby wipes and zoflora! When I suggest that this might not be the best course of action, i then get a long diatribe on how and why he thinks it is, blah, blah, blah! He is always like this whenever he is responsible for something. Gets super defensive and his ASC goes into over drive!

He's now gone off in a strop because I apparently 'attacked' him by suggesting that his way of cleaning wasnt the most effective and that accidents happen, don't worry about it! These things happen, just clean it up and move on! (I did help to clean it too btw- with hot soapy water and kitchen towels!)

AIBU?!

She was just trying to help by explaining a better way to clean it up.

If it's a case of her always telling him how to do things better, that would be really annoying though, infact the OP herself said she thinks that may be the case.

Maybe look into transactional analysis.

You may have a pattern of going into controlling parent mode to which he responds as rebellious child.

The ideal would be to conduct our exchanges in adult mode.

In this case, it might work better if you asked him if he needed help or if he had considered using wet paper towels instead.

OP you need BLEACH to clean up something as unhygienic as cat poo so you were both doing it wrong.

You can’t bleach a carpet. Don’t be ridiculous.

Zoflora is a disinfectant. You don't necessarily need bleach.

I tend to use 70% ethanol, but I'm a lab person.

Or steam it.

OP you need BLEACH to clean up something as unhygienic as cat poo so you were both doing it wrong.

Yeah, if you want to completely ruin your carpet

You can bleach some carpets with a dilute bleach solution. I’ve just bought a carpet for my hallway which you can do exactly that to.

"I think DH and I need to have a chat."

Don't you mean that you need to apologise for interferring when he wasn't doing anything wrong?

Don't you mean that you need to apologise for interferring when he wasn't doing anything wrong?

OP has already said she's going to apologise for the poo incident. But from the responses to this thread, she is now questioning whether she shows this behaviour more than she realises and so is going to discuss it with DH - and the way I read it was with the idea of changing her way of approaching things if indeed she does criticise more than she's realised.

I think that's a very mature response to an AIBU thread.

I’d love to see this thread as a reverse. Wife is cleaning up cat poo. Husbands says don’t do it like that, use soap and water. Wife goes into a strop and still isn’t speaking to him the next day. She’d have her arse handed to her. I think MNers are just in awe of a man cleaning. Bonkers!

Is it his cat, did he want a cat.
I'd be disgusted with cat poo in my home, yuk.
I certainly wouldn't be cleaning it up if it wasn't my animal.

I’d love to see this thread as a reverse.

Why? Numerous people have already said their husbands' have done this kind of thing to them and it's pissed them off.

When we got our puppy and he was toilet training, he obviously had a few accidents in the house. DH did once tell me I was cleaning the mess up wrong - I told him to do it himself if his way was so much better!

Either a grown adult is capable of cleaning up a mess (in which case, you leave them to it, surely) or they're not, in which case - why on earth are you married to someone so incompetent?

I’d love to see this thread as a reverse. Wife is cleaning up cat poo. Husbands says don’t do it like that, use soap and water. Wife goes into a strop and still isn’t speaking to him the next day. She’d have her arse handed to her. I think MNers are just in awe of a man cleaning. Bonkers!

I disagree with you on that actually. It's incredibly annoying for someone to tell you you're doing stuff wrong all the time, male or female.

To add I have a DH who cleans as much if not more than me. On occasion he tells me I'm doing stuff wrong, it's annoying as fuck

I’d love to see this thread as a reverse. Wife is cleaning up cat poo. Husbands says don’t do it like that, use soap and water. Wife goes into a strop and still isn’t speaking to him the next day. She’d have her arse handed to her. I think MNers are just in awe of a man cleaning. Bonkers!

The reverse would be the husband posting for criticising how his wife was cleaning.

If OP's husband posted here he'd have his arse handed to him for stropping like that and told to do more cleaning. Then there would be a huge argument about the best way to clean cat poo from carpet. Oh, wait...

In that case, I think you need to address that. It’s not normal to be so offended by such a small thing. Couples should work as a team. I’d rather hear a suggestion of how to do things better, than have someone afraid to suggest things to me. But I’m pretty open minded. I’m always interested in getting tips and advice.

I’d rather hear a suggestion of how to do things better

Yes, but it's very different to hear "I prefer to use X instead"/"have you tried X?" or "you are doing it wrong, you must use X".

I can't actually see why his way of cleaning the cat shit was wrong?

I’d love to see this thread as a reverse. Wife is cleaning up cat poo. Husbands says don’t do it like that, use soap and water

Stop looking for double standards where they don’t exist

It’s a dick move to criticise someone who’s taking a perfectly reasonable method to cleaning.

If you didn’t like it, you could have said “hey dh, let me clean that for you while you sort your shoe/foot”

Yes, but it's very different to hear "I prefer to use X instead"/"have you tried X?" or "you are doing it wrong, you must use X".

Did the OP post her exact words? She just said she suggested he do it a different way. That sounds perfectly polite to me.

🤷‍♀️

In that case, I think you need to address that. It’s not normal to be so offended by such a small thing. Couples should work as a team. I’d rather hear a suggestion of how to do things better, than have someone afraid to suggest things to me. But I’m pretty open minded. I’m always interested in getting tips and advice.

Was this aimed at me? Me relationship is absolutely fine but thanks for the concern. It's perfectly normal for a partner to get annoyed by the other the odd time, won't be LTB just yet

Well the OP is certainly better at handling criticism than her DH!

I’d rather hear a suggestion of how to do things better, than have someone afraid to suggest things to me.

Doesn't that depend how you suggest it? Offering help is very different to telling someone they're doing it wrong!

But, again, the OP said she suggested that wasn’t the best way to do it and got out of bed to help. Her husband then went off on her. I really don’t see that she did anything wrong.

When I suggest that this might not be the best course of action

I'd really love to know the exact words, but it implies a criticism, not really an alternative suggestion.
Did she even know if it was working or she just jumped in?

Anyway, he could have been a last straw at the wrong time.

Certainly no need for a long sulk, but I do think it's best if he cools off. He may even be feeling unreasonable for sulking but not being able to come off it (it happens to me). If it's a one off or a rare event, I'd just let it go. If it's very common, then, as I suggested previously, he should seek professional help to get over his problems with minor perceived criticism.