Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit pissed off by no child rule at wedding

63 replies

RoseLillian · 16/04/2019 21:05

Invited to the evening reception of a family wedding (not immediate family). No children allowed apart from those of immediate family. No issue with that. For me the kids made our wedding, but everyone has different feelings, so their wedding their choice. Unfortunately we were unable to go as youngest DD is breastfeeding (the wedding a distance away so would require an overnight stay). Plus no childcare. Without going into too much detail one side of family at wedding and other side parent very sick and has since passed away. Explained about childcare issues when declined the invite.

Since the wedding photos have appeared on Facebook including pictures of none immediate family with their DS’ in the picture. It turns out the couple have split up and he asked if he could bring them and couple who’s wedding it was agreed.

Feel sorry for the couple that split up. I do think you can’t make allowances for one person and not another though. AIBU to feel a bit pissed off that we couldn’t go because of no child rule and then they let someone else bring along their kids.

OP posts:
SillyMoomin · 16/04/2019 21:06

It’s their wedding. They can make the rules.

ShatnersWigIsActuallyAMammoth · 16/04/2019 21:08

Well you should have split up with your partner, then you could have asked and taken yours.

madhousee · 16/04/2019 21:09

Yes you are!

Nicknacky · 16/04/2019 21:09

It’s just one of those things. Everyone’s situation is individual to them and one kid was possibly fine but 10/20/30 wasn’t.

Loopytiles · 16/04/2019 21:10

YABU.

Awrite · 16/04/2019 21:10

Perhaps if you'd asked, they would have said yes to you.

However, an evening reception requiring an overnight stay. That's the unreasonable part.

Biancadelrioisback · 16/04/2019 21:11

Did you ask if you could take your DC?

noctu · 16/04/2019 21:15

Their wedding, their rules.

Original poster
RoseLillian · 16/04/2019 21:16

It was actually all 3DS’s he brought. To me the situation are the same we couldn’t come because of BF plus sick parent meant no childcare. It was difficult for him because of the split. Just feel a bit wrong that an exception was made for one person and not another. I guess it is their wedding though so their choice and I am certainly not falling out with anyone over it.

OP posts:
WitchyBollox · 16/04/2019 21:18

I agree, I would be hurt by that. it is their choice but doesn't mean it's not upsetting. Maybe they would have said yes if you had specifically asked.

Original poster
RoseLillian · 16/04/2019 21:21

Wouldn’t have even thought to ask to bring Dd’s would have felt rude when they had said no children. Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong 😀. It was clear that was the reason we weren’t coming though.

OP posts:
itssoooofluffy · 16/04/2019 21:23

We had a child free wedding... there ended up being 3 children there for various reasons, none immediate family.

Unless they invited everyone’s children except yours, YABU. It’s a difficult day to plan with difficult decisions. You don’t know the thought process behind it.

Biancadelrioisback · 16/04/2019 21:33

It was clear that was the reason we weren’t coming though.

Are you sure? Lots of people make up an excuse not to go to evening do's of weddings. And I'm guessing they didn't give your reply too much thought. You went in the yes pile or the no pile. You ended up in the no pile so they probably didn't give it any more headspace.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 16/04/2019 21:36

That’s a shame and I can understand why you’re annoyed.

Worriedmum32 · 16/04/2019 21:41

I assume you mean as in the couple have now split so he has the DC on the day of the wedding?

In which case not really the same as one of you could have gone to the wedding. Presumably he asked before and said he wouldn't be as to attend now as he would have his DC (probably quite early in child arrangements to say sorry I have a wedding to attend) and they said bring them.

LuluBellaBlue · 16/04/2019 21:42

Have you not thought about the poor bride and groom who were clearly asked if someone could bring their children, putting them in an awkward position after they’d said no children?
They obviously said Yes, probably to be kind and keep the peace.
Sorry but YABU and a tad self-centred! Perhaps think of them seeing as it was their wedding??

Survivingorthriving · 16/04/2019 21:43

We were invited to a wedding without our children and so was surprised (and a little upset) to find lots of other children there. After an hour I was rather pleased, wasn't mine trying to grab handfuls of the uncut cake, get on the stage with the band etc Grin.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 16/04/2019 21:52

I can see why you're annoyed but the most likely thing is that the bride and groom were put in an awkward, last minute situation where they felt they had to say yes to this guest and his kids.

It's unlikely they blithely said "Of course! I don't know what we were thinking, having a child free wedding - we'd love your little treasures to join us!" Much more likely that they felt railroaded into a last minute exception - their friend may have already booked transport/a hotel and is (probably) v upset about the end of his marriage and what it means for his kids.

Not to mention all the snide remarks they will have had from other guests about how their kids weren't allowed - but there is a difference between giving guests time to find childcare/decide which one of the couple is going to attend/gracefully decline the invite and a last minute childcare emergency.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 16/04/2019 21:53

Perhaps they just like that invitee more than they like you.
Maybe their attendance was more important to the wedding couple than yours. These things don’t have to be fair. The couple get to indulge their feelings.

Original poster
RoseLillian · 16/04/2019 21:54

Maybe they didn’t take us at face value as to why we couldn’t come. I certainly fully explained. Thanks to those who understand the way I feel about it. Probably best not to give it anymore headspace it is what it is.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 16/04/2019 21:55

Wouldn’t have even thought to ask to bring Dd’s would have felt rude when they had said no children.

They may have been put under a lot of pressure to say yes to the children that were there and agreed it through gritted teeth.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 16/04/2019 21:55

I'm missing why a split means he had to bring his kids. What would he/they have done with them if they'd still been together? Surely the split means that the kids could have stayed with the other parent who wasn't attending?

Nicknacky · 16/04/2019 21:56

He might just have turned up with them on the day, cheekier things have happened.

Dippypippy1980 · 16/04/2019 21:57

This other guest may have embarrassed the bride and groom into saying yes - you don’t know the back story.

Let it go.

CripsSandwiches · 16/04/2019 21:58

I can see why you're upset but I don't think they're unreasonable to make allowances for one particular case. Also how old is their DS - I do think a baby who might cry is different from an older child who might be known to be calm and well behaved.

Swipe left for the next trending thread