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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit pissed off by no child rule at wedding

63 replies

RoseLillian · 16/04/2019 21:05

Invited to the evening reception of a family wedding (not immediate family). No children allowed apart from those of immediate family. No issue with that. For me the kids made our wedding, but everyone has different feelings, so their wedding their choice. Unfortunately we were unable to go as youngest DD is breastfeeding (the wedding a distance away so would require an overnight stay). Plus no childcare. Without going into too much detail one side of family at wedding and other side parent very sick and has since passed away. Explained about childcare issues when declined the invite.

Since the wedding photos have appeared on Facebook including pictures of none immediate family with their DS’ in the picture. It turns out the couple have split up and he asked if he could bring them and couple who’s wedding it was agreed.

Feel sorry for the couple that split up. I do think you can’t make allowances for one person and not another though. AIBU to feel a bit pissed off that we couldn’t go because of no child rule and then they let someone else bring along their kids.

OP posts:
Netflixandchilll · 16/04/2019 21:59

Why would you take a child young enough to be bf to an evening loud event?

Erksum · 16/04/2019 22:00

They probably felt sorry for the guy who had split up with his partner and thought it would be nice for him to be able to bring his kids especially if he only has them EOW. I could imagine doing that 🤷🏻‍♀️
I wouldn’t assume he asked to bring them. The wedding couple could have asked him.

purplecorkheart · 16/04/2019 22:03

Must confess, I stopped reading your post at the start. Your kids were not invited by the bride and groom. They are not invited regardless if every other child in the world is invited.

No problem if you chose not to attend because. Just RSPV no without explaination.

EL8888 · 16/04/2019 22:09

Their wedding and their rules. Part of me wonders if they just brought them anyway without discussing it. That happened at a child free wedding l went to once. The brides cousin rocked up with 3 children. Not sure where they sat or what they ate. But that’s what happens when you are rude at someone’s wedding

bringincrazyback · 16/04/2019 22:09

Their wedding, their rules.

BummyKnocker · 16/04/2019 22:10

You should have asked, Babes in arms usually an exception!

Greekcheese · 16/04/2019 22:14

Honestly, at every wedding where the couple stipulates adults only, no kids .. someone will take the piss. That someone normally thinks that their situation is worse than anyone else’s. Sometimes the couple relent for an easy life , some just get apathetic fro the stream of excuses And reasons for how their situation is worse than everyone else’s . At the end of the day, they just dont want kids there and it is up to the parents to sort childcare but many don’t want to, won’t pay the minding fees or just cannot leave their children for a variety of reasoms . I wish they would just say no! Sorry we cannot go based on Couples wishes . One of my friends would not make an exception for a friend who had a baby. End of . She knew it would create a precedent . Said friend never spoke to her again . No loss

fruitbrewhaha · 16/04/2019 22:29

perhaps this guest is good friend of theirs. Someone they were in contact with each week and they knew he was havinga difficult time and wanted him there. Maybe he and his wife had RSVPed as a couple and so he later on had to change plans. So B and G made an exception.

I'm guessing they don't really fell that close to you.

ScrimshawTheSecond · 16/04/2019 22:31

I had to turn down invite an old friend's 'childfree' wedding because I was bfing and had no childcare. Sad, but there you go. Her choice, indeed.

Not so fair, however, was her sulkily making a point of letting me know how other people were managing it despite having more kids than me, living further away, etc etc ...

... and then in the photos various kids and babies frolicking merrily about.

Not really friends anymore.

If you're going to be childfree, at least be ruthless consistent.

eurgh · 16/04/2019 22:32

To be honest I couldn't get annoyed about that. HOWEVER, I currently have a situation currently where an immediate close family member is getting married and invited all the family children. Except mine. Because they're disabled. Needless to say I won't be attending, or speaking to them ever again probably

Yabbers · 16/04/2019 22:37

There are exceptions to every rule. We’re often the exception due to DD’s disability.

There is nothing worse in that situation than other adults whining “that’s so unfaiiiiir”

Unless you know the whole story, just accept they made a rule and felt it was right to make an exception for this one guest.

ScrimshawTheSecond · 16/04/2019 22:38

eurgh What?! That's unbelievable!

Greekcheese · 16/04/2019 22:39

If your children are not invited because of their disability and everyone else’s child is , well then if course you won’t go or probably never to speak to them again . Well done. You!

AJPTaylor · 16/04/2019 22:40

It's not about you.
They said no kids on invite. A few days before someone says can I? They know their numbers and the kids and say yes..
Jeez. It's supposed to be a celebration

RomanyQueen1 · 16/04/2019 22:52

Was it a very close relative getting married?

AventaRizon · 16/04/2019 22:54

I think that people who don't want children at their wedding are miserable gits, but there you go Grin

Buddytheelf85 · 16/04/2019 22:56

I think there are three things:

  1. It’s their wedding, not association football. They’re free to make the rules. They’re under no obligation to make the rules fair.
  2. You don’t know the circumstances in which the other kid ended up attending. Anything could have happened.
  3. Let’s say children were welcome at the evening reception. Were you really going to haul your breastfeeding DD away for a overnight stay in order to attend a wedding at which you were an evening-only invitee? Or are you maybe getting offended for the sake of getting offended?
JeNeBaguetteRien · 16/04/2019 23:00

I do think you can’t make allowances for one person and not another though.

Well you can if you're the bride and groom.
They might have been closer to this guy, one of his kids might be their godchild. Or he might be a CF and they're breathing a sigh of relief that the rest of their friends aren't.

OrangeJellySpread · 16/04/2019 23:01

I don't understand people who think others give a fuck about their little darlings. yabu.

Greekcheese · 16/04/2019 23:08

Oh for heaven sake! My sister had her own baby at her own wedding ! She attended her baby for feeding as needed up on the roomof the childminder that she had brought with her . Lots of preciousness

CaledonianSleeper · 16/04/2019 23:16

You were invited for evening reception only, and wanted to take a your baby? Why??

Cherrysherbet · 16/04/2019 23:17

YABU. They probably felt awkward when they were asked directly if he could bring his kids, and didn’t want to say no. Doesn’t mean they have to open the flood gates for everyone else though.

You need to drop it.

BadLad · 16/04/2019 23:45

Look on the bright side. You got out of having to go to a wedding.

faffymcfaffer · 17/04/2019 06:53

I can understand you being pissed off, but I suspect they felt sorry for the guy who's marriage had broken down and made last minute allowances for him. It wouldn't have been practical for them to then allow all children. Plus, as you'd have had to stay over, maybe it was too last minute for them to suggest you go along.

SnuggyBuggy · 17/04/2019 07:00

Evening only invites for people who have to travel are tacky anyway. I'd have declined just for that anyway

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