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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Let him leave and be free

69 replies

Brumbee6 · 16/04/2019 08:02

Hello il try and keep it short and sweet

Been seeing a guy for a while now, hes nice enough but lately I've had enough and I need an outsiders opinion.

He comes over to stay at my place sometimes but lately hes been here all the time. Every day and night to the point it's like he has moved himself in. I have a toddler that I spend my days cleaning up destruction from but I actually find my days full of chores now. I cant sit down because I'm either doing errands, cleaning after child and him, he leaves his washing on floor, dishes out, recycling and trash on counters instead of bins.
He either stays in bed all day until the afternoon when hes not working or sits on his laptop or in front of the TV.
The only thing he does lately which is of any use is he will throw abit of money at me. Rarely tidy after himself.

I had to stay at my parents house for a few days and then I want to do some decorating. I told him to pack his stuff up and go back to where he lives. Anyway he messaged me saying hes upset I went to stay at my parents because it's time alone we could of had!

So long story short I went mad at him, told him I spend enough time with him lately, confronted him about how messy he is and our alone time is essentially me doing jobs and him doing nothing. Hes upset that I find things to do at the weekends when my child is with their dad.
Well he doesnt want to leave the house, hes got no motivation to do anything! Frankly I'm so sick of seeing him I enjoy moments I can be away from him.

I told him I wont isolate myself from.friends and family, if he doesnt like it it's tough.
Hes been ignoring me on and off for a few days now.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling like this and should I just let things fizzle out?

OP posts:

Bambamber · 16/04/2019 08:04

Let things fizzle out, that sounds miserable

Lllot5 · 16/04/2019 08:04

Tell him to piss off. Why should you clear up after him.

Berthatydfil · 16/04/2019 08:04

He doesn’t want to leave - well that’s just tough isn’t it.

toomuchfaster · 16/04/2019 08:05

Just dump his ass!

BaronessBomburst · 16/04/2019 08:06

You're best shot of him!
Don't let it fizzle out, tell him clearly it's over and then get on with enjoying your evenings and free time.

Darkstar4855 · 16/04/2019 08:07

I would give him the boot. He’s not helping you at all (or even tidying after himself) AND he’s complaining when you take time for yourself. He sounds like a bit of a man child who wants you there taking care of him all the time but isn’t giving you anything back.

HBStowe · 16/04/2019 08:08

God just ditch it. Sounds totally miserable and way too soon in a relationship to be putting up with so much shite.

CookieWarbler · 16/04/2019 08:10

You're worth so much more than being a lazy man-child's maid. Kick his entitled lazy arse out and don't look back!

pictish · 16/04/2019 08:10

Ooh god. Look, he wants an easy life being cared for and entertained by you. He’s got no motivation, makes a mess, is possessive over you, lazy and sits around like a lump doing naff all.
No thank you.

Tell him his mother’s house is that way ———>

He’s not a good prospect is he? You’re already sick of the sight of him. It won’t work. End it and move on.

User7308cftj35902z · 16/04/2019 08:18

Does he have a key? I don't think he needs one to only stay there sometimes. You must have given the impression it's okay for him to stay for as long as he wants so, if you don't want him to, you need to tell him and lay down your boundaries or dump him.

It doesn't sound like he wants to spend time alone with you at weekends if he lies in bed until the afternoon and just spends time on his laptop or watching TV.

I'd demand he moved out back to his own place. It doesn't matter whether he wants to stay - it's your home, not his. If he is this blooming irritating already then he's not a keeper.

Original poster

Brumbee6 · 16/04/2019 08:22

It is pretty miserable at the moment I feel like he wants me to tell my friends and family to piss off so that I can sit in with him all weekend. I've been getting out because it's horrible and hes so depressing and unmotivated at the moment. We barely talk all day either. Like il talk and just get a few grunts from him, but he will bitch about work and his life and it's just horrible. He hogs the bed and disrupts my sleep. I'm actually glad in a way hes not talking to me. I just hate it when people ignore me instead of telling me what their issues are. All hes said is hes upset i find things to do at weekends and staying at my parents has disrupted our alone time.. rest is blank

OP posts:

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 16/04/2019 08:25

I’m confused as to why you are finding the decision a problem.

Sculpin · 16/04/2019 08:25

I enjoy moments I can be away from him Just dump him OP! Honestly this one's not going to work out.

Weenurse · 16/04/2019 08:28

Tell him it is not working for you anymore and it is time to go your separate ways.

TheSerenDipitY · 16/04/2019 08:28

set him free, then change the locks

pictish · 16/04/2019 08:28

Some men have the notion that a woman should be grateful that he has chosen her to tend to his golden self. Even if he brings nothing to the table, his presence is reward enough for her and she ought to be suitably willing to accommodate his needs in order to keep her prize.

Not saying your felly there is one of those...I don’t know him...but if he’s ignoring you for telling him you have need of company other than exclusively his, he certainly sounds like one.

Men like this don’t learn or change. They simply go round the houses until someone is downtrodden enough to comply.

JenniferJareau · 16/04/2019 08:29

Dump him pronto!

Goawayquickly · 16/04/2019 08:33

Just ditch him, I’m struggling to understand why you’d let this drag on. A boyfriend should be more than ‘nice enough’ especially if he’s in your child’s home.

MrsMozartMkII · 16/04/2019 08:34

Time for him to go! And to stay gone.

pictish · 16/04/2019 08:35

He’s upset you find things to do at the weekend?

As a motivated, sociable person with interests and pastimes, he wouldn’t like me at all.

I read a saying about love once which really resonated with me. It went something like;
“Love does not consist of gazing inwards at one another but of looking outward together in the same direction.”

You carry on being you, with your family and friends and weekends an independence...and save yourself for someone who’s a match.

Frouby · 16/04/2019 08:40

Fuck that shit.

Tell him it's over, breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy life without him.

Don't be someone who stays because it's easier and you should be grateful for any relationship. A relationship should add value to your life, make you feel happier with them in it than out. If it doesn't it's time to call it a day.

OKBobble · 16/04/2019 08:42

Why even let it fizzle out chuck him out!

afrikat · 16/04/2019 08:44

Seriously, it's not meant to be this hard. Get rid and I'm sure you will feel relieved

sevenyears · 16/04/2019 08:45

What are you doing?!

icelollycraving · 16/04/2019 08:48

Get rid. You are setting an example to your child of what a relationship looks like.
Is there anything remotely positive about this relationship? It doesn’t sound like it. Move on, move up.

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