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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids in holiday clubs when you’re not working...

120 replies

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 15/04/2019 10:10

It’s the school holidays. You are not at work (either a SAHP or work term time only).

Person A thinks putting your children into holidays activity camps for any amount of time is not ok, because you don’t need to. That if you’re off work or don’t work they should be with you.

Person B thinks if the kids are happy to go, and you can afford it, it’s absolutely fine.

Person C thinks if you are a SAHP of school age NT children it’s not ok as you have loads of time off in term time. But if you work term time, it’s ok because come the holidays you probably need a couple of days off too.

Thoughts?!

OP posts:

AWishForWingsThatWork · 15/04/2019 11:37

This probably won't be popular but I do get miffed when parents who either stay at home full time or have term time jobs take up spaces in holiday clubs which are so essential to working parents who can't get the time off. So many by us are oversubscribed.

I say too bad. Plan better and book earlier like we do. Booking systems' opening times for most camps are advertised and known to all well in advance. If you know you'll need the space, then you need to book it in a timely manner.

unicorncupcake · 15/04/2019 11:47

I’m a teacher and therefore with DCs for all of the holidays. We do loads of activities. In the summer I’ve booked two separate weeks of things for them (private school so they get 8 weeks off!) so it will be two weeks with me, a week on adventure camp, a week with me, performing arts camp, a week on holiday, and then last two weeks with me. I am well aware that I’m so lucky to get the full holidays off, but I don’t feel guilty for booking them into their summer camps, I looked online early, put the ‘booking open’ dates in my phone and then booked them the day it opened. The time they’re away will be used to clear out bedrooms, meet friends for lunch and generally sort stuff out.

Springwalk · 15/04/2019 11:51

You want an honest answer, assuming we do care about the child enough to have a view:

Person C

Kids need downtime, they need to be at home and spend some time with their parents, the whole point of a holiday is to relax. If you work term time and need a few days off, fair enough, but if you are at home all day every day anyway, I think it is bad form I really do. Unless the parent is mentally ill, physically ill or is dealing with serious life issues such as bereavement etc.

Children will remember that they were put in camp whilst you were at home, and you made a conscious decision for weeks on end to not spend time with them.

I want to see my dc in the holidays when not working, of course I want to have fun with them and make the most of their time off. I don't understand why you would choose to put them in a camp all day for weeks and not see them.

Angellucy07 · 15/04/2019 12:08

I think it's fine.
People should do what ever works best for their family.

I just wish there were holiday clubs for children with additional needs.

ukgift2016 · 15/04/2019 12:10

Nobody business!

My DD an only child and I think it's good.for her to spend some of the holidays in a holiday club with other kids.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 15/04/2019 12:12

If you are forcing your children to go but they hate it then that’s not good but that’s extremely rare. Otherwise it’s great for kids to got out and try different things and meet kids they wouldn’t know from school.

Original poster

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 15/04/2019 12:12

Just back after some sorting.

Just to reply to a few points- the only reason I mentioned NT children was in the context of if you have NT children and are a SAHP non working parent of school age children with no children under school age, you have those days ‘free’ (I know I will get flamed for that) if you have children with additional needs they may need to be taken to appointments, be at home sometimes, etc, so you have less downtime. In no way was I saying that children with additional needs shouldn’t/couldn’t attend a camp! Hope that makes sense.

Spring walk- sorry if my OP wasn’t clear- I didn’t mean putting them in camps for most of/all the holidays. Would you still object if a SAHP but a child in an activity for say, 2-3 days in the holidays, if they child wants to go? (I work btw so this is not me!)

OP posts:

MichonnesBBF · 15/04/2019 12:12

@Springwalk

But what about what your children want and not just you?

without knowing the ages of your children and myself having a 10 and 8 year old, they are looking for a little more than just being with me for a whole 6 weeks everyday.

It really is acceptable to allow your kids to spread their wings in a safe environment, meeting up with friends, making new friends and learning new skills, that really cant be bad thing ?

I facilitate this because my kids show a desire to do so, I would feel I was doing them a disservice in ignoring their request to do things without me.

We love our time together on busy and lazy days but its also great seeing them have fun in an all together different environment without me standing over them.

I don't send them to overnight camps though don't think there is any round here and probably wouldn't be able to afford to do so.

RomanyQueen1 · 15/04/2019 12:23

It's nobody else's business.
I didn't do it myself as there was no need, but if there was I wouldn't have hesitated.

Monkeyssplit · 15/04/2019 12:25

I think all 3 people should mind their own business and make their own choices for their own families.

I am a sahp with 3 children and one of them is going to an Easter camp for a week of the holidays. They love the sport it is for and it will be the highlight of their time off school. Other people's opinions on whether my DC should go or not will not be welcomed.

SnugglySnerd · 15/04/2019 12:27

I'm a teacher. Today is the first day of my holidays and I am exhausted. I wish I had booked holiday club for a couple of days so that I could get the house straight, catch up on some school work and have a bit of time to myself. I never get to properly do any of these things!

OutdoorApathy · 15/04/2019 12:48

I am a Sahp. My kids have just done a "week" of sports club for their chosen sport. I say "week" because it runs 9-12 and 1330-1630 so someone has to turn up to give them lunch. They went last year (when I was working) and have been asking all year to go back. They have already asked if they can go again next year.

Person A is being narrow minded. No matter how long I have my DC at home with me, I can never teach or train them for a team sport. Because I have only 2 DC.

All of your options are on the assumption that the parent is trying to get rid of their child for part of the holiday rather than the child would like to do x activity.

Wincher · 15/04/2019 12:48

I'm only working two days this week, today (currently on my lunch break!) and tomorrow. My kids are in a sports camp today that they absolutely ADORE, and tomorrow they are going for a day out with the grandparents. I have said if they really want they can go to the sports camp again on Wednesday (if there is space, which I think there will be). I feel a bit bad as I feel like I ought to be spending time with them while I can, but they love it so much and it will give me a chance to get stuff done! I will leave it up to them. I'll then be off with them every day from Thursday to Monday anyway. The camp is only school hours, 9-3.30, so it's not a full day anyway, and it is £20 each per day which I don't mind spending if it's something they really want to do.

Trying to justify it to myself here!

AryaStarkWolf · 15/04/2019 12:51

Person B probably but it's really none of their business unless it's their kids they're talking about

AllTheFunAndGames · 15/04/2019 12:55

Person D thinks it's no one else's business if a parents is doing what suits their family...and doesn't suspect the op is being a GF at all. 😜

Original poster

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 15/04/2019 12:57

Allthefunandgames- I’m actually really not trying to be a GF. I work term time and have had several people tell me it’s selfish to put my kids in a couple of days of an activity during the holidays. So just seeing what the consensus is.

OP posts:

PregnantSea · 15/04/2019 13:01

Can't people just do whatever they want? I don't think any of those options sound damaging to a child so really it's just up to the family.

dreichuplands · 15/04/2019 13:04

I don't work at the moment last summer dc (10) had the whole summer with me as a result. This was the first and last summer I'll be doing that. They got bored at home and I ended up taking them to all the same places the summer camps were taking kids.
This year they have 3 weeks with me and 3 weeks at day camps.
Other parents can do what works for them.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 15/04/2019 13:08

Dh and I were both teachers when ours were young and we would often keep their usual days at nursery or book them into the odd days/week at a holiday club once school age. They were happy to go, to be with their friends, and it meant we could tackle jobs like decorating/going to IKEA/ building furniture/clearing out the loft/shed/garage or, God forbid, chilling in the garden in a deckchair with a beer.
Why do some people insist on being such martyrs? Do what suits your family.

Isitmybathtimeyet · 15/04/2019 13:08

I was the child of a teacher, at a time when almost none of the other mums I knew worked. I was in after school care and deeply resentful.

BUT I loved holiday clubs, even though my mum was off work. It was a chance to do fun stuff, meet new people or see my friends, and stop the holiday boredom. I didn't think it was a reflection on my mother's desire for my company at all.

My own kids complained when I changed my working hours to collect them from school one day a week rather than them going to ASC. And they love holiday activities regardless of what I'm up to.

winbinin · 15/04/2019 13:13

I was SAHM. My DC did a few (mostly drama based) because their friends were going and they loved them.

Bumpitybumper · 15/04/2019 13:14

I think that A and C sound as though they are obsessed with what parents should/could be doing as opposed to what is in the best interests of the child.

If a child wants to go holiday camp and the family can afford to send them then why on earth wouldn't you do that? Surely it would be selfish for a SAHP to insist that their children stay with them all of the time when the child really doesn't want that and could join other kids their age in enriching and exciting activities.

If the child doesn't want to go to holiday club then I think it is WOHPs and SAHPs responsibility to limit the amount of times that they are sent there. There are usually multiple clubs and activities so hopefully a better alternative can be found, but if not then I think it's sensible that parents do all they can to limit the amount of time a child spends at somewhere they really don't want to be.

I suppose I find it odd that people like A and C seem to think that all children hate or are unsuited to holiday clubs. I also find it strange that the assumption is that children of WOHPs will survive holiday club without being too severely detrimented because they're a necessity, whilst children of SAHPs shouldn't be subjected to such hardship because it will scar them for life and they "need" the downtime. It's honestly as though some people view this as a different breed or perhaps more likely that they hate to think that a parent is getting more down time than they personally view as acceptable. It's all about stopping the SAHP being lazy than what the child actually wants.

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/04/2019 13:15

Jeezo, do what is right for your family. I don't give a fig what other people think!

GabsAlot · 15/04/2019 13:20

i know of someone not close that child doesnt do any activity whatoever and i dont just mean holidays
theyre rude and highl strung-i wonder why

monty09 · 15/04/2019 13:21

Well mine are going 2 days this week and 3 days next week as they've actually begged me to go, I can't say no to that but I'll also have 2 at home as one is 2 old to go and 1 is too young

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