Please settle an argument .......... in other peoples' houses ............shoes on or shoes off?

[helpamamaout]

On entering someone else's home, should the visitor keep their shoes on or remove them?

I didn't grow up in a shoes off house (our house was always filthy), but we always wore slippers because they are just more comfortable in the house than even the most comfortable shoes anyway.

I had some friends round yesterday evening, and they all took their shoes off when they came in because it is the norm round here. I wouldn't have asked them if they hadn't though.

You can get those

LOL grin We are shoes-on and have a dog. I should put him in woolly underpants grin

You can get those 😂😂

Off. I'm so fed up of washing my kitchen/diner floor as people don't take shoes off and walk all over it and leave dirty shoe inprints!

@MrsBlondie - I'm so fed up of washing my kitchen/diner floor as people don't take shoes off and walk all over it and leave dirty shoe inprints!

We have mats and people wipe their shoes before coming in.

This is a really easy one

When your host opens the door, are they:
a) wearing slippers
b) wearing socks
c) wearing shoes?

Yeah don't worry, the obvious and simple solution has been posted many times already. This is AIBU, the people don't want an obvious and simple solution! The people want 20 pages of ranting and arguments and bile and anger! Gotta give the people what they want.

@NunoGoncalves - This is a really easy one

When your host opens the door, are they:
a) wearing slippers
b) wearing socks
c) wearing shoes?

Yeah don't worry, the obvious and simple solution has been posted many times already. This is AIBU, the people don't want an obvious and simple solution! The people want 20 pages of ranting and arguments and bile and anger! Gotta give the people what they want.

Ah, but I may be wearing socks but I still don't want people I don't know very well taking their shoes off in my house as it's way too familiar.........

"When your host opens the door, are they:
a) wearing slippers
b) wearing socks
c) wearing shoes?

If the answer is a) or b) take your shoes off. If the answer is c) leave your shoes on."

I don't wear shoes in the house when I'm IN in, and I'd be a bit at a visitor just whipping their shoes off. Close friends fine, take your shoes off if you want and put your feet up. An acquaintance? Nope, bit too familiar and would make me think you're settling in for a long ass visit, so I'd see your shoes off and raise you my tiny tea cup to signal it's definitely not a long one.

It's just far easier and normal ime to say "would you mind taking your shoes off", it's a bit odd for someone to just do it I think, especially if you don't really know them

OFF! I can't bear wearing outdoor shoes indoors.

The principle of good manners is universal in the sense that it is about the host making the guests feel comfortable in their home

But what about the principle that a guest should not offend or unduly burden their host? So the host must not ask them to take off their shoes but the guest must ask what the host would prefer?

The host has issued the invitation so they should be prepared to be kind and considerate towards those whom they invite.

up to the host

I had beige carpets in an old house.

People are saying dog shit on shoes is “incredibly rare” but i was regularly finding shit, mud, grass, wet leaves and dirt trodden up the stairs where people couldn’t be arsed to take off shoes. Especially children and their little friends who would just nip for something.

So i ended up getting the stairgate back out and banning shoes upstairs. Downstairs is laminate so less of a problem, but i still encouraged shoes off as less work cleaning.

It's a class thing.

Upper classes traditionally had/have public rooms solely for entertaining guests, and guests arrive 'dressed up' so of course they would not be asked to remove their shoes.

Ah, but I may be wearing socks but I still don't want people I don't know very well taking their shoes off in my house as it's way too familiar.........

I thought the argument against shoes off was about it being rude to not make the guests feel comfortable?? Pick a side fam

It's a class thing.

Upper classes traditionally had/have public rooms solely for entertaining guests, and guests arrive 'dressed up' so of course they would not be asked to remove their shoes.

Exactly.. by many my family are considered upper class (me and my husband are just working out butts off in a small flat however) .. they have a hallway leading up to the guest reception room which has no carpets under the sofas...

The kitchen and bedrooms is a no entry zone for formal guests and the family living room is a totally separate room.. guests have their own toilet. Hell my in laws have a whole floor separate for guests which doesnt get used by the family and is fully tiled.

Cleaners come frequently if not live-in (husbands family). And they’re mopping the floor tiling with bleach daily.

So when guests come, while it’s good manners to offer to take shoes off... they might be told to keep it on if they’re not too familiar or if they’re not staying long.

Now back to reality world, with us young parents working our butts off and having no one dedicated 24/7 to clean, having no extra rooms just to entertain guests.. hardly scraping by with the “organised Mum method” and our day to day comfort is dependant on minimising how we minimize on all the work we bring onto our full plates... I think it’s not very hard for the guests imagination to understand a request to take off their shoes...

Seeing how the guest is being hosted, fed and given time of the day... I’m sure, they won’t feel unwelcomed by showing some courtesy.

This isn’t a stealth boast. This is aimed at all those claiming they have similar living standards to the queen because they’re shoes on. I won’t be taking off my shoes while having tea with the queen, because the dirt and poo I bring in with me, will have no bearing on her whatsoever...

I’m happy to consider it related to “wealth” and being able to afford that type of home..

So by all means, if you are walking into someone’s home who is or that type of wealth, you might be better keeping your shoes on because no one is inviting you to the “comfortable” parts of the house really.. you are just like all the other guests that get entertained somewhere outside the living space..

But if you are going into someone’s living space, it becomes a hygiene issue for me and many.:

Class is an outdated concept. Wealth isn’t.

I don’t think it’s either of those things, it’s generational. My very prim and proper Victorian granny would have been scandalised at the very idea of people who didn’t live in her house removing their shoes. Even more so at being asked to take hers off. My parents wouldn’t have dreamed of it and I - who am old - wouldn’t either.

Class is an outdated concept.

Except that it isn't. It's tied up in pretty everything, in the UK.

You can't even read a newspaper without signalling which class you belong to.

Shoes on/off - or at least asking your guests to remove or not - is absolutely a class marker.

@SchoolOfLife2 - I thought the argument against shoes off was about it being rude to not make the guests feel comfortable?? Pick a side fam

I don't understand your point? I don't want people who are not family or close friends taking their shoes off as I feel it is over familiar.

I responded to the post saying just look at your host's feet and you'll know what they want. I stated that looking at my feet won't tell you my preference. I said nothing about what I would say or how I would react. FYI - I would feel the person was a bit rude and over familiar but I would still make them feel welcome. I would politely tell them it wasn't necessary to remove shoes but wouldn't tell them not to remove them or put them back on.

I guess the difference here is that some (emphasis on some) shoes off people will insist visitors remove shoes and you are projecting that onto shoes on people by assuming they will insist visitors leave their shoes on.

The only person whose ever been to my house that hasn't removed their shoes in the porch before they come in is my Dad. No one tends to ask, they just take them off. Which I'm grateful for as I wouldn't dream of walking into someone's carpeted house in my shoes. Very bad manners imo.
Don't know why my Dad doesn't think to do it but I always have to ask him. He walks round his own house in his shoes so maybe that's just what he's used to.

@Ellapaella - I wouldn't dream of walking into someone's carpeted house in my shoes. Very bad manners imo.

Yes, but I, and many others, would consider it bad manners for you to just remove your shoes and walk into our houses.

I don't know why my Dad doesn't think to do it but I always have to ask him. He walks round his own house in his shoes so maybe that's just what he's used to.

Er, probably...

Isthis, agree, I'd be secretly thinking "wtaf " if someone just took their shoes off.

Ok, then it only sounds like those who are “aspiring” to be upper class are those actually happy for poo and vomit dragged into their carpets just so they can feel so high up there..

For the rest of us, it’s a very simple hygiene topic.

Can agree with it or not based on arguments to do with hygiene. Throwing class into it is desperate imo.