Please settle an argument .......... in other peoples' houses ............shoes on or shoes off?

[helpamamaout]

On entering someone else's home, should the visitor keep their shoes on or remove them?

It’s just rather odd that someone isn’t comfortable taking off a shoe

There are lots of reasons why taking off their shoes might make someone uncomfortable ...

Their feet get cold, they feel more vulnerable, they’re embarrassed about their feet or socks, they’re worried about slipping, the floors might be dirty. And that’s before we get into medical conditions that make it painful to walk without shoes.

The lack of empathy (and consideration) is eye opening.

Take them off, though I'll only frown rather than ask you to take them off when you decide to wear shoes on my rug

If you can’t afford to have your rug cleaned, buy something more practical. Although I’d probably quite enjoy your wincing Hyacinth Bouquet routine.

The lack of empathy (and consideration) is eye opening.

Oh just don’t be silly please.. most of us shoes off people have expressed that it is perfectly fine if there is medical reasons to keep the shoes on... the host will arrange a way for that to work for them (i.e not host around carpets).

Stop using the sympathy card.

Really what Was eye opening was your original comment that it’s about “class”.

@SchoolOfLife2 - most of us shoes off people have expressed that it is perfectly fine if there is medical reasons to keep the shoes on

Do you require a medical cert or is embarrassing the person by expecting them to explain why they can't remove their shoes sufficient?

only on mn is this such a drama llama, I'm a shoes off house because of shit/mud around us and of course I require everyone who steps across my threshold to provide a medical certificate for their non compliance
In reality "oh is it OK to take your shoes off?" "is it OK that I don't i have sore feet" "no problem or here's some overshoes or mop up after they've gone

Do you require a medical cert or is embarrassing the person by expecting them to explain why they can't remove their shoes sufficient?

No I expect them to learn how to walk on their hands. They owe me that as their host.

Why are people so triggered by shoes off households that they’re choosing to be stupid is beyond me.

@Azitii - yes but @SchoolOfLife2 said she makes an exception for medical reasons. That sounds like it requires more verification than a simple statement that you have sore feet

Also, chances are, if you're asking someone to take off their shoes, it's not someone who generally visits you as otherwise they would know to take them off. Therefore they may feel a bit embarrassed explaining why they can't comply with your request.

@SchoolOfLife2 - you're the one who is willing to make an exception for "medical reasons".

I'm merely responding to stupidity with stupidity.

Oh just don’t be silly please.. most of us shoes off people have expressed that it is perfectly fine if there is medical reasons to keep the shoes on.

When said the lack of empathy was eye opening I was talking about your inability to see why people might find it uncomfortable to take their shoes off. Medical issues being just one of those reasons.

In fact, people with good manners in any culture where it is the norm, (ie not the U.K.) would never ask their guests to remove their shoes

Your idea of good manners is not universal, it's not even true for the whole UK. Just because your mother told you it's the height of rudeness to ask people to take their shoes off, doesn't make her any more correct than the mothers who tell their children it's the height of rudeness to wear your shoes in someone else's house.

When someone is more concerned about their floor(!!) than their guests' comfort and in being welcoming, then you know there's going to be no craic at their house, so you might as well keep your shoes on, turn around and head home.

We are generally shoes off, but we're not anal about it, and wouldn't dream of actually asking people to remove shoes

Quite the opposite - we tell people to leave them on. The floors are wooden and over 100 years old. They can cope with a bit of footwear, and I'd rather my guests were welcomed and comfortable.

In fact, people with good manners in any culture where it is the norm, (ie not the U.K.) would never ask their guests to remove their shoes

I can't think of any culture apart from UK/USA where it isn't the norm to remove outdoor shoes when you enter a house! In parts of south east Asia you even have to remove your shoes at the threshold of shops, schools, pharmacy etc,
The slipper basket is found in most German and Scandinavian countries. And in snowy countries leaving your snow boots on the mat is a must or you tramp melting snow through the house!

All slippers in our basket come in sealed packs for hygiene (disposable spa type ones) but guests rarely wear them, most automatically take their shoes off and wear their socks!

I'm with you @YemenRoadYemen . We were slippers or go shoeless in our house because it's our home and we like feeling relaxed and comfy. Guests can do as they wish. We can hoover after or ignore .
Pp mentioned bacteria in men's beards. I hate beards but sadly can't insist men shave them off at the door.

I don't understand the bacteria in beards thing. You either wash your face daily/twice-daily or you don't. If you have bacteria on your beard, you'll have bacteria on your face if you are clean-shaven. Why should having a beard be dirtier than having hair on your head, for instance?

This is a really easy one.

When your host opens the door, are they:
a) wearing slippers
b) wearing socks
c) wearing shoes?

If the answer is a) or b) take your shoes off. If the answer is c) leave your shoes on.

Generally, once you've been to someone's house twice you get to know what the form is and can act accordingly.

Your idea of good manners is not universal, it's not even true for the whole UK. Just because your mother told you it's the height of rudeness to ask people to take their shoes off, doesn't make her any more correct than the mothers who tell their children it's the height of rudeness to wear your shoes in someone else's house.

You’ve completely missed the point. My mother never told me any such thing. The principle of good manners is universal in the sense that it is about the host making the guests feel comfortable in their home.

Thus it would be rude for the host to ask people to take shoes off or keep shoes on.

People from other cultures living in this country, are aware that many Western countries don’t remove shoes, so they don’t ask them to. Of course, if you know it’s in their culture then a guest will offer.

It’s nothing about rules at all, but understanding the grounding of good manners.

Really what Was eye opening was your original comment that it’s about “class”.

They have a point. It’s non-U in this country, or France or Italy for that matter.

So if you ever go for tea with the queen, keep your shoes on.

The only problem I can see with sometimes having people wear shoes in the house and sometimes not, is that the Sock/Barefoot People will end up with dog faeces on their socks/bare feet from the floor that has been walked on in outdoor shoes and then have that inside their shoes when they put them back on. < not envy.

All or nothing, at least, I think is the way to go.

@freshsmelling - to do realise that people who wear shoes in their houses actually wash their floors, particularly on the very, very rare occasion dog faeces is brought in?

A much more likely scenario is in a shoes off house where the toilet lid is not down for every single flush, microscopic human faecal matter ends up in your socks and then on the inside of their shoes.

@Isthisafreename - Just realised you meant shoes off people allowing people in with shoes on. I'm sure they clean their floors too.

I'm a shoes-on household, but I just wondered about the wisdom of having a mixed on/off household. Faeces particles are probably invisible and unless someone is washing their carpet immediately afterwards before a shoes-off person enters the room... I agree with you on the toilet lid too though.

I wonder how many people who are aghast at the thought of dog faeces on their floors have a dog...who sits bare bummed on their floors 😁 I've been in houses like this and while I don't mind taking off my shoes (if they don't mind my crusty feet) it always seems odd if there are pets roaming around.

I always wipe my shoes before going in, I'd only take my shoes off if asked though. I didn't grow up in a house where we took our shoes off when entering the house and none of my friend's homes were like that either.

have a dog...who sits bare bummed on their floors

LOL We are shoes-on and have a dog. I should put him in woolly underpants