To ask him not to go?

[potatobrain]

I recently saw a message from dh to his friend saying that he'll find the temptation of cheating on me hard to resist when they're at a festival this summer.
I confronted him and he made me feel stupid for believing it.
I now understand that he's booked his ticket and is still planning to go.
on another note I'm annoyed about him paying out for a weekend away when 1. We haven't had a holiday ourselves this year due to financial difficulty. 2. I've been covering his rent and bills for the past few months. 3. We have a newborn baby to consider

Even if I wanted to trust him during this weekend, I know I'll assume the worst of him. Maybe that is a product of my own insecurities.

I want to give him an ultimatum, don't go or go (literally out of my life). AIBU?

YANBU.
He doesn't sound like he's any addition to you, so fuck him. Let him off.

I’m sorry but he sounds like an absolute bellend. YANBU at all!

This is all wrong imho. Why is he spending that money when you’ve been covering all the bills?
And as for the cheating thing; well that’s a deal breaker right there. And who texts their mate that? Grim.

If he’s considering cheating then he isn’t the man for you. Easy you don’t have to consider whether to let him go, you should leave him first

This scenario implies so much.
You have a newborn
You have financial problems
You’ve been supporting him financially
He tried to gaslight you
You don’t trust him
He’s a dick

Is the tenancy in your name? I'd change the locks while he's gone...

'I recently saw a message from dh to his friend saying that he'll find the temptation of cheating on me hard to resist when they're at a festival this summer.'

Do you really need another reason to call it a day.

Disrespectful cunt

Thanks for confirming what I knew already. I've been trying so hard to see the best in him for a while now because I don't want to fail at marriage or bring my dd up alone, but I'm starting to think alone is the better option!
Now to find the courage to leave 😬

Has he always been like this? I hope not as it doesn't sound like the person someone would want to start a family with just to leave after the baby is born, poor child

We got married very quickly in what felt like a fairytale but actually in hindsight was a little very foolish. He is otherwise a great guy, absolutely loved by my family, has loads of friends. I hide a lot because I'm quite private and don't want to rant to family/friends unless I'm 100% set on ending the relationship

What do you need to help you through this?

I came here for reassurance, so that when I do confront him once again, whatever he says to make me feel like I'm being 'fucking pathetic' will have no effect because I've heard from other ladies I'm not being unreasonable in this situation

You are not being unreasonable, you are being so strong for not accepting a mediocre relationship, you deserve better. He’s an idiot for looking elsewhere, the grass is always greener until it’s not

Thank you @Alicewond I can't begin to tell you how great it feels to hear that, especially when I haven't ever admitted these things to a real life person!!

I only admitted this once I separated and then I felt ashamed, worried people would judge me for leaving

Not to minimise his temptation to be unfaithful, but what I find most objectionable is that you've been paying his way for months and now, instead of paying you anything back, he is planning for his weekend away. Men like that aren't keepers.

I'm sorry that things have turned out this way for you, Op, but I think when you end up only staying together for the child, you are on a hide onto nothing.

Hold your head high Op

You certainly are not the one with the 'fucking pathetic' behaviour here.

Confide in a RL friend or relative if you can. No need to protect him.

'2. I've been covering his rent and bills for the past few months'

Why is this Op?

Well, personally two out of those three points would have me ditching the prick.

It is hard to leave someone you love though, even when you know you should

Remind him that "fucking pathetic" is having someone else pay his rent and bills and him spend his money on festivals like a fucking teenager. Pathetic is being a shit father and a shit husband. Pathetic is talking about shagging around like a tom cat....... he thinks a lot of himself that he is assuming they ladies will be lining up.

Bin. Him. Off. Oh and you dont have to leave, he does. He can hardly claim a right to stay when he hasnt paid rent in months.

Reading all these comments makes me look back and judge myself for not leaving him sooner. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to get walked all over but here I am 🤷🏻‍♀️
I guess it's small allowances here and there that add up without you even realising

@MarthasGinYard
He's terrible with money and hid a fair amount of debt from me. In his defence (ew) he has recently started a decent job and has assured me 😂 that he'll become better with money

Agree Alice
It is

Stay strong Op

Alarm bells are ringing OP with that text to his mate! what a cunt to say such a thing after you've kept him supported financially and his wife and mother of his child he's a selfish cunt who clearly doesn't appreciate you I'd let him go on his trip and when he returns bolt the doors and leave his shit on the door step to let him know its over! you're practically living as a single parent already from the sounds of things and deserve better than him!

Don't beat yourself up. You were doing what you thought was best for your DD. Turns out he wasn't on the same page as you. Time to move on. He sounds like a prize jerk.