To ask him not to go?

[potatobrain]

I recently saw a message from dh to his friend saying that he'll find the temptation of cheating on me hard to resist when they're at a festival this summer.
I confronted him and he made me feel stupid for believing it.
I now understand that he's booked his ticket and is still planning to go.
on another note I'm annoyed about him paying out for a weekend away when 1. We haven't had a holiday ourselves this year due to financial difficulty. 2. I've been covering his rent and bills for the past few months. 3. We have a newborn baby to consider

Even if I wanted to trust him during this weekend, I know I'll assume the worst of him. Maybe that is a product of my own insecurities.

I want to give him an ultimatum, don't go or go (literally out of my life). AIBU?

I agree with not making the split about him, but about you.

Instead of "You said you were planning on cheating on me", which he can deny saying it was a joke, you say "I do not feel respected". Instead of "You are a selfish freeloader" you say "I am no longer prepared to be treated as a cash machine". Instead of "You are always gaslighting me and calling me names" you say "I need to be in a relationship where the other person makes me their priority as I do for them, that isnt happening and so I am leaving".

And dont forget, he doesnt need to agree. You dont need his permission to get divorced, you dont need to listen to what he has to say, you dont need to persuade him. All you need to say is "Our marriage is over, there is nothing to discuss" and that is perfectly ok. He will try and convince you that you are over reacting/demanding/needy and that he will change. Ignore it. Stick with the plan.

What is your housing situation? Who's name is the tenancy in? Do either of you have somewhere else to go?

You deserve more than this.

💐 I hope you leave and life improves for y

You

I'm sorry to read your post OP.

You sound like you are now resolute.

Good luck x

I hope today is the first day of the rest of your life.

It sounds like reality has dawned on you, OP, despite all his gaslighting and attempts to turn it round to blame you.
This selfish shit is using you.
Please see a solicitor about ending the marriage - the first appointment is often free - and make plans to separate the finances and get him off the tenancy agreement and out of the house. If he does actually now have a job, you can claim child maintenance too.
Stay strong. He may well plead, and make false promises to change. When that fails to move you, he may become threatening. Remember that Women’s Aid and the Police domestic violence unit are available to help if needed.
You can do this OP. You obviously are getting damn all help from him in your life already - being a single parent will be no harder, and you won’t be carrying a lazy selfish passenger with you. Good luck, and God bless.

You have his intentions in writing. It's on his mind and he is going to do it.
You are a strong woman, and believe you are worth so much more.
But most important you have a daughter and setting a great example of what not to expect! She will know her worth. Be strong, you can do it.

Are you ok OP?

@potatobrain

You deserve more than that. Good luck x