To ask what weird/stupid stuff you did as a kid

[Bantameggs]

I think I was a bit of a strange child although maybe I’m not the only one.

One of my favourite things to do aged about 5/6 was to steal a bar of soap and some scissors, find a corner to hide in and shave wafer thin slices of soap off until there was nothing but a big pile of soap flakes. I got into trouble every time but it didn’t stop me.

Our family car had two rear facing seats at the back and if I was sitting there I used sit dead still and make blank-faced unblinking eye contact with the people behind for as long as possible. I think I managed it for about an hour once.

Once aged about 10 I set out to drink as much water as possible just to see how much I could drink. I managed a few litres (I’m aware now that I could have killed myself)

I brought a large dehydrated dead fish I’d found on the beach to show and tell at school when I was 7. Unfortunately it was the last day before the summer holidays and I accidentally left it behind. I think they had to get someone to come in in the end to deal with the terrible smell.

When I was 12 I coloured my entire face in with bright pink lipstick. It took about two days to get rid of completely.

Was anyone else a little weirdo? I think I’m pretty normal now btw!

Wow a lot of you were pretty strange! . It’s made me wonder what you’ve all gone on to do as careers, whether they relate in any way to your childhood weirdnesses?

I do a job that some people would think of as extremely weird (although I don’t). I remove the eyes from deceased people (who kindly gave their consent in life, of course) so that the corneas can be transplanted into other people.

My DM said one apple each a day but I loved them and would eat 3 or 4 and hide the cores behind the U bend of the loo, not thinking that my mum was the one that cleaned it! I was raised a Catholic and even took that 'sin' to a confessional!!!

I put an apple core behind the bathroom sink at a friends house because I couldn't see the bin (it was a new fitted kitchen, we had a decrepit old one). Lord knows what I was thinking. Her mum said she knew it was me. I said it wasn't . Mortifying but I feel slightly better now!

I used to 'walk about' on my knees

Also used to eat oxo cubes! Blleeeeuuurgh!

Another Milk Teeth lover here! I was looking forward to getting it for my kids but they’ve changed the formula and it’s not sludge-coloured and delicious anymore.

My mum used to clean the kitchen table with vinegar. My brother nd au would wait until she went off to vacuum the bedrooms and then take turns to take swigs from the bottle.

I was convinced that a crack between the artex and the ceiling in my bedroom was a train that I could control by wiggling my wobbly teeth. I used to lie awake pulling on my teeth and watching the train move.

I had a story running in my head that I was a benevolent warrior princess who defeated her wicked parents and became the most amazing, bad-ass queen ever known. I selflessly abdicated in favour of a republic but I was so good that I had to live in exile in hiding so the people wouldn’t revolt to get me back. The story was embellished and perfected over many years, well into my 20s

I used to pretend that extra strong mints were holy communion and that tic tacs were illegal drugs. I also used to put them in a cup of milk and drink it.

I also ate fish fingers straight out of the freezer until my mum stopped me.

I used to pretend to be a horse, and gallop everywhere and neigh at intervals. Even when stared at, I just used to shake my head like a horse and gallop away.

We must be twins separated at birth: I did exactly that.

When adults asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was "A horse".

I also used to lie on my back on the floor, bring my knees right up to my chest, and pull my bum cheeks apart to make myself fart.

Sometimes I'd sit upside down on the sofa, with my head hanging down where your feet go and my feet up on the backrest, I'd do it for ages, just looking at the room like that and imagining having to step over the doorways etc. Sometimes my sister would do it too and we'd talk to each other. We could do it for ages - I couldn't do it now, I'd feel sick. I used to love making myself dizzy too.

I also used to pretend mirrors were a portal to the mirror world and I'd talk to my mirror self and wonder what she got up to when I couldn't see her :o

Thank you for starting this thread, OP, it's great!

Has anyone mentioned drawing on the soles of your slippers with a biro yet? So satisfying!

I also used to use up whole bars of soap making jugs full of soap froth and leaving them around the bathroom for use as ready-made bubble bath.

@iklboo

The East Midlands!

God I thought of a few more today

When I was about 8, we had a guard dog who was only allowed to stay outside in this little hut thing my dad had built him. On cold or rainy nights. I used to feel sorry for him, so after my parents had gone to sleep, I’d sneak downstairs, let the dog in, and invite him into the living room to watch late night tv with me. I’d give him a blanket and all sorts! No one in the house knew I was doing this

Something else that happened that was a one off but was really stupid : I was riding my bike, aged about 10. Suddenly the brakes stopped working and I needed to crash to stop. But rather than crash into a wall or a fixed object like a normal person, I saw 2 women walking on the pavement and consciously decided it would be safer to ride right into the back of them, at about 25mph 😂😂 why the hell I thought this was a better idea I will never know, but they were fuming at me (rightly so!)

I used to love throwing talc, shampoo, etc into the loo. Always got in trouble. Loved making mud pies. Squishing tiny red spiders in the garden. Swallowing bubble gum. Wearing long scarves on my head pretending it was long hair. Anything messy. Happy days

At xmas time, because that was the only time we got them, i'd peel a satsuma then line up all the segments on the arm of the sofa then arrange them all into size order from smallest upwards before eating them in that order.

Also remembered more...
Obsessively peeling all of the pith from any orange/satsuma etc. It took me about half an hour to eat the damn things, probably longer!
I still rub grapes individually on my trouser to get off the 'dust' so that they shine before eating. I get weird looks in public but otherwise my teeth feel horrid!

Lonely, I still do that NOW with an orange
Takes bloody ages for me to get to eat it but I can’t stand any excess white bits on my satsuma!!

On the countdown before a school holiday (So say the week before ) I would come home, run up to my bed and forward roll onto it. Almost like a weird countdown ritual.

@Ifeelbloodyawful With your first boyfriend being a tree: I've heard of a Florida woman marrying a tree to save it from being cut down, but I'm sure there was another woman in England who married a tree, just because. I couldn't find a link to the news article though. Was this you?

I haven't read the full thread yet. But injustice want to say these are all amazing (apart from the one who saished road kill... are you a serial killer now?)

What brilliant childhoods we all had! Makes me sad for this technology generation.

Collecting rose petals and mixing them with water to make perfume
I remember getting into big trouble from DM for taking loaf of uncut bread and hollowing it out and leaving in the shrubbery to make a home for the pixies - no packed lunch for school next day!

Collecting rose petals and mixing them with water to make perfume

My cousin and I did that, we stripped all the petals from the roses my grandfather planted for my mother. She didn't even appreciated the 'lovely' perfume we made for her

I used to pop all my mums bath balls - if any of you remember those things ? They looked like marbles and I loved the satisfying pop and excretion of whatever fluid was in them!

I had a walled garden and my friend and i would climb an apple tree to sit on top of it, the wall was about half a metre thick! One of us would sit on top, the other lie on the kerb the other side and we’d try to get people to stop so we could lie to them that we’d fallen off.

I used to hunt for fairies in the woods and by the river by myself, also make potions with any old shit I could find. I was certain I was magic but hadn’t ‘unlocked’ it yet.

I also used to be able to fanny fart on demand, and my mum would join in 😂😂😂😂😂

fanny farting on demand

Anyone do that in the bath and spray water everywhere

@pushingdaisies

One day when I was about 9 or 10 I did a long, high pitched operatic note with the window open and heard "what the fuck was that?!" From outside. Don't think I ever did it again

Oh my word this has made me laugh so much!

My list is extremely long:
Regrouting the tiles in the bathroom with a paste made from talc and water.
Sleeping in the bottom of the wardrobe.
Eating tissues and bus tickets.
Keeping a handwritten studbook for my imaginary ponies ( found this recently!)
Making my siblings attend lessons in horse knowledge and then sit exams!
Riding cows in the fields next door
Pretending to be blind, and walking round the garden tapping with a bamboo cane.
I also had such vivid dreams of flying that I was convinced I could float if I concentrated hard enough!
Drinking vinegar from pickle jars
Eating winalot
Etc.!

I used to sing as high as I could the jump off to see if I could fly. I *may^ have put carrier bags on my arms for wings. My grandparents had a spring in their garden, I didn’t do this in public.

I also used to lie on my back on the floor, bring my knees right up to my chest, and pull my bum cheeks apart to make myself fart I'm still crying at this one @LakieLady!

I did the flannel sucking and sliding round the empty bath things.

Other things I did:

• Make little bonfires out of twigs and paper and start the fire using a magnifying glass with the sun
• I would wear gloves and keep my hands as still as possible as I wanted people to think I had false hands
• I did the 'sewing my finger tips together' thing too
• I used to play with fuzzy felt and I had a phase of taking the felt characters and positioning them on the fuzzy boards in all sorts of compromising positions. I think that came after I found my dad's porn mag in the back of his wardrobe so I was re-enacting some of the things I'd seen
• If I farted and it was a smelly one, I thought if I kept saying the word 'pardon' it would make the smell disappear. My mum and nan heard me saying 'pardon pardon pardon pardon' one day and thought it hilarious, to my shame
• when I was about 10/12 my nan used to take me and DB to fun fairs. If we were on something that span fast, we'd be sitting there, in our best tracksuits, either side of my nan, playing it really cool so that other fair goers would think we were part of the staff and accompanying this poor old lady on the ride so she wouldn't be frightened

I'm so pleased I wasn't the only odd kid out there!

Jumping off the stairs with an open umbrella and expecting to gently float to the ground.