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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think somethings not right?

94 replies

Lotsoflaughs · 14/04/2019 19:37

Advice needed on a dating situation - go easy on me please.

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy since early December. For valentines I decided to do something nice and take us away for a spa weekend. The total cost of this was around £800. I didn’t mind paying as I had some money saved for a rainy day but a few things have bothered me.

On the way there he also let me buy the lunch. I thought given I’ve paid for the both of us to go away he could have at least paid for a lunch??!

I’ve just been looking at my bank statements online and I’ve noticed that I’ve also paid for 4 dates between valentines and the end of February. It’s only when I have sat down and gone through my finances that I’ve realised I’m paying for what I feel is way more than my fair share.

December was the same, and January too. I’ve been paying for 90% of the dates.

He also has me over to his house once a week but there is never any food in the fridge. Literally nothing apart from beer.
His answer to this is to always order takeaway or go out for food. Again, I seem to paying for a lot of it - I offer to pay as I’m his guest (in the hope he says it’s his turn) but he just respond with “ok” and then let’s me pay.

On a few occasions I’ve actually done a M&S shop for him and brought over ready meals and some of his favourite food. Again this has cost me around £40- 50 a time.

He never seems to cook and because there isn’t even basic ingredients to cook a meal, his answer is usually either to go out for food or order in a takeaway. It’s costing a fortune and I’m getting fed up.

I have raised it with him recently in as tactful a way as I can but nothing has really changed.

We are on a similar salary and both are 25.

He’s great in every other way, I have zero complaints.

Just the money, the lack of food, and the constant takeaways....

Thoughts please

OP posts:

HamCheeseHamnCheese · 14/04/2019 19:59

So what advice do you need??

It’s perfectly obvious you’re being treated like a bottomless pit of cash and he now expects it from you.

I think you know that you need to chuck him. Surely this makes him completely unattractive to you? It would to be. Such a turn off!!!

KC225 · 14/04/2019 20:00

Crossed post with you saying you feel like a second mother. Oh dear OP.

NoBaggyPants · 14/04/2019 20:01

Didn't the exact same thing happen with your ex OP?

It's like the female version of lovebombing.

shitpark · 14/04/2019 20:02

If I was dating you, I'd think you were trying to get me into a situation where I'd feel too guilty to break up with you

Foxmuffin · 14/04/2019 20:02

He sounds like he’s just happy to be waited on. Consider if you’d be happy with his going forwards.

BayandBlonde · 14/04/2019 20:02

Absolutely not a keeper. My ex was a user like this (amongst other things) I used to spend on average £600 a month on his food and work lunches.

He finally fucked off last year and this year I'm going to on holiday with the £600 a month I've been saving.

You can do the same, get rid

shitpark · 14/04/2019 20:02

And not able to complain about anything

mummmy2017 · 14/04/2019 20:03

I see it more as your very generous, and don't want to be seen as a taker...
So just say your turn, next time and see what happens

reallybadidea · 14/04/2019 20:03

I know he eats takeaway for dinner when I’m not there. Either that or goes to his mums house

The more you tell us, the more attractive he sounds

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 14/04/2019 20:03

What's actually attracting you to this guy if he never pulls his financial weight, doesn't bother to get food in for his guest and needs his mother to feed him at 25 years old? I wouldn't be offering to pay any more for anything OP, it's his turn for a good long while.

ElloBrian · 14/04/2019 20:03

Oh my word. £800 on Valentine’s Day ? You need to wise up, lady. This guy is perfectly capable of feeding himself, he just doesn’t bother because he knows he is onto a cushy number. Re set your standards. They should be much higher than this.

dayswithaY · 14/04/2019 20:03

He's on a nice little earner. A decent person would not want to take advantage like this. Ditch.

Roussette · 14/04/2019 20:04

What's attractive about him? He sponges off you, when you're not around he goes to his Mums for tea, he refuses to take the hint that you are being over generous and now it's his turn and he's acting like a child....

LynnTheseAreSexPeople · 14/04/2019 20:07

He's a cheepskate! Either he's doing it deliberately or he's just naturally like this. Either way I'd hate it. I would insist he pays for the next few dates. I'd be more sympathetic if he was just careful with money but made effort in other ways but he doesn't even cook you a meal or make sure there's food in when you come over!

Original poster

Lotsoflaughs · 14/04/2019 20:08

His family come from money. So I honestly think he’s just used to people paying for stuff for him and is spoilt

OP posts:

JaneEyre07 · 14/04/2019 20:08

Nothing remotely attractive about someone tight with money......

greenpop21 · 14/04/2019 20:09

Why are you paying?

Shitonthebloodything · 14/04/2019 20:10

I wouldn't even bother 'raising it'. Just ditch him. Nothing worst than a tight arse.

greenpop21 · 14/04/2019 20:10

How did you end up paying for lunch? You must be offering to pay? Why?

Yessiry · 14/04/2019 20:11

Either that or goes to his mums house

My teeth gritted.

BumbleBeee69 · 14/04/2019 20:12

He doesn't respect you, and is very happy for you to pay for everything for him.. kick his selfish toady arse to the kerb.

Original poster

Lotsoflaughs · 14/04/2019 20:12

Thanks all.

I think it’ll be letting him go....

OP posts:

Timewarpdancer · 14/04/2019 20:14

He must have thought all his christmases had come at once when someone he’d been dating for two months spent £800 on a first valentines date and he’s not likely to change.
Thoughts please- you are a sap. Get rid

NottonightJosepheen · 14/04/2019 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlackCatSleeping · 14/04/2019 20:18

I think you need to ask your self if your behaviour is normal though. Yes, he's a tightwad who is taking advantage, but it sounds like you a giving way too much and that isn't healthy either. You sound co-dependent.

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