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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move back to my home country

98 replies

MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 18:21

I live in the south east of England with dog and dc. I was born in another country, came here in my 20s and am now a U.K. citizen.

I have been wanting to go home for some time, especially now that my parents are aging.

I have been offered a job back home in a beautiful location which pays more and has better benefits than my current one in the U.K. but is in the same sector.

Dh is entitled to work in my country- we sought and obtained a permanent resident status for him which allows this. Our children are dual nationals.

There is more space in my home country and my extended family live there.

Aibu to leave the U.K.? Is going home unrealistic? I was reading another thread where a poster wanted to sell up and move elsewhere and many posters said she was BU and tearing her children from all they’ve ever known.

AIBU? What would you do?

OP posts:

tntruth · 14/04/2019 22:14

I'm curious when you say the DC would have more freedom and be more independent in the UK?

justasking111 · 14/04/2019 22:14

Canada is a wonderful country. My DS worked there for a time and said if he had to live anywhere else that is where he would go. Your children can enjoy great summers and ski in the winter. What is not to like. My other DS lived abroad where lots of Canadians who were career minded spent some time because it was crazy money, he shared a house with a Canadian, played rugby with them, he thinks they are great. Go home show your children what they have been missing.

Evilspiritgin · 14/04/2019 22:15

Go and have a wonderful life in Canada, if your dh parents had been alive then I might of been wavered but there not, there is nothing tying you here, I’m quite jealous

damnthatoneistakenagain · 14/04/2019 22:21

YAY, I thought it might me CANADA! Nice one OP. Amazing country.

I hope you will all be happy.

Original poster

MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 22:31

They would have more freedom and independence over there as opposed to in the U.K.

This is my opinion and I accept that not all will share it

I am basing it on my personal experience in both countries

OP posts:

damnthatoneistakenagain · 14/04/2019 22:44

I thought it might BE Canada, (not me Canada!)

I blame the wine.

Good luck OP.

UnderCaffeinated · 14/04/2019 22:55

I would definitely do it, you all seem to be onboard with it and you've considered the realities of it so it seems a well thought out decision. You have more family there than here and your children are familiar with it. I know that when I lived abroad as a child we visited the UK every Christmas and summer holidays so when we eventually moved back I already felt like it was familiar to me.

We've considered moving to Canada for a long time, the desire always grows stronger this time of year when we stay up until 3am to watch the Stanley Cup

JAMMFYesPlease · 14/04/2019 23:01

I admit I haven't RTFT yet but wanted to say off your OP. YANBU to move. We did this a few years ago. Children are definitely adaptable.

It's important to know there are prospects, which you've clearly thought of. If everyone is happy then go for it! You be got a lot of good reasons to want to move to your home country.

JAMMFYesPlease · 14/04/2019 23:07

Ok caught up and still think YANBU. Our move was to Canada and none of us regret it for a second. We agreed to reassess every year to make sure it is still right for us and every year so far me and DH don't want to return to the UK.

I can understand why you would want the children to grow up here. It is a good school system. Obviously it will depend on province but the one we're in has been excellent for my DDs.

azulmariposa · 14/04/2019 23:25

Do it!
I would. Especially if financially you're better off, the main question is what does your dh think about it?

SnowsInWater · 15/04/2019 00:37

I would go for it. Our eldest was 13 when we moved to Oz with no family here. My kids have had the kind of upbringing and education that they would never have had in the UK (even in the "naice" area we lived in) and regularly say how grateful they are that we came here, especially after a visit back to the UK last year where they met up with the friends they grew up with there. If it is your home country and you have family support it's a no brainer. Good luck!

managedmis · 15/04/2019 00:45

No brainer really op

It's where I live too! And I was born in the UK!

MyLadyDeadlock · 15/04/2019 00:53

Definitely do it...UK will be utterly fucked after brexit, I'd go for that reason alone...

PregnantSea · 15/04/2019 01:02

As someone who has moved around the world a fair bit I would say there is a huge difference between going somewhere new and moving back to where you grew up. You know how things work and you have family there. I think if you're missing it and your husband is on board you should go for it. The UK is going through a rough patch anyway lol. Your 12yo will probably be fine (assuming there are no language issues? Even so kids pick up languages very quickly).

The only thing I would say is that you may get that "man without a country" feeling when you first get back. I think it's easy to idolise your home country and imagine that moving back is almost the same as going back in time and picking up your old life where you left off. It's not. Things change, people move, everything will be different to how it was 15 yrs ago. Also you will have lost your tolerance for most of the negative things about your home country because you haven't been dealing with them - you'll find yourself pining for the UK way of doing things from time to time because there will be things that are better in the UK, just like with any country.

I personally struggle going back to the UK now because the crowds and the traffic and the lack of sunshine really get to me. I'm just not used to it anymore. I still love it and it will always be special to me as it's where I grew up, but I know that moving back there would be a huge adjustment to me now because I've not had to deal with the negatives.

LoudJazzHands · 15/04/2019 04:43

I KNEW it was Canada :D

I'm in western Canada and will never leave.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 15/04/2019 04:51

Go for it, children are very adaptable.

Some children are very adaptable, most children have no choice other than to adapt.

OP, if your DH and children are onboard and you honestly think it will improve your life then move.

YouBumder · 15/04/2019 04:54

I would go

Kids will be fine, they have more family there than here. Go!

niknac1 · 15/04/2019 09:45

If I had the opportunity to move to Canada tomorrow we’d all be packing our bags and going pronto and I’m not Canadian, I have family in the UK but I’d still go.

Davros · 15/04/2019 10:06

I will never leave the UK to live elsewhere myself (old gimmer) but I think you should go, I can't see any reason why not. Mind you, I have a bit of a hedge against Canada because they have regularly refused entry to families with a disabled member but I think that's now changed.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.visaplace.com/blog-immigration-law/canada-visa-news/canadian-immigration-application-refused-on-medical-grounds-autistic-teenager/amp/

Davros · 15/04/2019 10:07

Grudge!

MadameDD · 15/04/2019 11:38

Canada is a nice country - I've got friends who've all emigrated there - all from one family - the sisters moved separately and then their mother.

My DGM's DSis (my great aunt) also moved to a big city there when she got married before WW2 broke out and she lived there all her life.

I was engaged to a Canadian and lived there for 6 months.

They do seem nice people but it's a huge country. I can't think of any downsides my friend had since she moved there but I think work can be hard to come by if you're not in a profession. I have no idea re shops and cost of living but my ex fiancé's DM used to complain about fashions from one end of the country to the other! You are working in a good career though so that solves that problem. Also, her DD moved there at age 11 with her DM and has now aged 18 moved back to UK - for college and uni - she feels more British and her DF lives here too and she came back regularly for holidays. So maybe bear that in mind for your older DC.

The one thing I think I'd be concerned about is the cold - the winters are something else there - but as you've grown up there you know all about it.

The one thing I did realise compared to living in UK and my fiancé at the time noticed it - travel in Europe etc - you can't do that there - the furthest he'd been with his parents was Hawaii as they lived in BC. I do feel Canada is slightly cut off in that sense. But my friend her DH has Finnish grandparents and there's a French side in Quebec etc so I think they're more multicultural than the Americans.

Go for it.

Orchidflower1 · 15/04/2019 12:07

Your thread is not pointless op.i hope it’s helped you make a decision. I’d go for it as I said up thread .

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 15/04/2019 14:31

Oooo Canada....can I come with you?

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