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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move back to my home country

98 replies

MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 18:21

I live in the south east of England with dog and dc. I was born in another country, came here in my 20s and am now a U.K. citizen.

I have been wanting to go home for some time, especially now that my parents are aging.

I have been offered a job back home in a beautiful location which pays more and has better benefits than my current one in the U.K. but is in the same sector.

Dh is entitled to work in my country- we sought and obtained a permanent resident status for him which allows this. Our children are dual nationals.

There is more space in my home country and my extended family live there.

Aibu to leave the U.K.? Is going home unrealistic? I was reading another thread where a poster wanted to sell up and move elsewhere and many posters said she was BU and tearing her children from all they’ve ever known.

AIBU? What would you do?

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 14/04/2019 20:12

Ireland?

Your H wants to go too, so assuming good education can be sorted, sounds like a good option.

The only issue could be if things don’t work out well it could be difficult timing to return exam timing wise for your eldest DC.

Orchidflower1 · 14/04/2019 20:16

I’d go for it. Your dh is on board. The children will settle and have no languages to learn.

Take the job!

chopc · 14/04/2019 20:22

What is the point of the OP post. All her family are on board, she will bd better off in the other country, education is better, better life for her kids- yet she won't say what the country is. So what is the debate? The most important people in this scenario are on board with the move so if she is not telling us the country, what's the point of the post?

Original poster

MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 20:23

The point of the post was that it is a gigantic move and I am scared and wanted some reassurance

Sorry for annoying you

OP posts:

WonderTweek · 14/04/2019 20:23

I'm exactly in your position except that my home country isn't English speaking and my husband is having doubts because of it. Also I've not started looking for a job there yet as I'm not sure what I could do over there - I've spent most of my adult life in the UK and don't know what to do back home!

I would say go for it! If you have a job lined up you're laughing. It would be lovely to be able to spend time with your parents properly instead of quick holidays here and there (this is how it goes with us...). Education is a major thing for me so if the quality of education is higher than in the UK, I think it would be worth investing in it as well. Also if it doesn't work out, could you just return to the UK? It's certainly worth a go!

(I'm super jealous as I'd like to go home now but there are too many uncertainties at the moment. )

Ivegotthree · 14/04/2019 20:28

Your situation is entirely different to the PP who wanted to move to Spain because she was a bit broke here and her husband couldn't hold down a job.

I'd do it like a shot, madness not to. If you are from New Zealand or wherever, your children will feel local to that place, even if they feel a bit different to the others at the start.

Nothininmenoggin · 14/04/2019 20:29

This is a no brainer go and have a lovely life with all of your family in what sounds like a great country. This country is sadly not what it used to be.

sakura06 · 14/04/2019 20:33

It sounds brilliant! As long as your children and husband are happy, go for it!

mbosnz · 14/04/2019 20:33

OP, I know how huge it is. No one can tell you how well it will go. It is a leap into the unknown. But, all the signs are very auspicious for the success of your family's big adventure. Go hard. Go home. . .

iolaus · 14/04/2019 20:37

If you are going to go I'd do it now before your eldest moves into GCSEs

brizzlemint · 14/04/2019 20:45

I'd be at the airport, if not actually on the plane by now! How will DH feel though when his parents are elderly and in the situation that yours are now?

Original poster

MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 20:50

DH’s parents are sadly no longer alive. He has no close family here at all

OP posts:

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 14/04/2019 20:56

Do it!!!!!! 100% go for it. If it doesn’t work out, you can always come back!

stucknoue · 14/04/2019 20:58

Are the children fluent (if it's not English speaking) as they will struggle at school until they are.

Original poster

MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 20:59

Everyone is fluent

OP posts:

TacoLover · 14/04/2019 21:00

I really want to know what the country is

ToeSocks · 14/04/2019 21:00

Do it do it do it do it

Crunchymum · 14/04/2019 21:03

Why the secrecy about the country?

ForalltheSaints · 14/04/2019 21:04

From what you describe OP, go for it.

Original poster

MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 21:08

Oh fgs it’s canada

OP posts:

GrasswillbeGreener · 14/04/2019 21:18

I figured that it was less likely to be Aus/NZ as annual summer trips back there are a bit much for many of us. It sounds like your children are a good age to move - young enough to integrate in a different school system without major hassle, but old enough for you to have some idea of their abilities and personalities, which makes it easier to assess how different education systems will serve them best.

There was a point when our kids were 4 and 7, when we might have moved (or started planning to move) back to Australia - if I had been at all interested in doing so. Because it wasn't something both of us wanted, it didn't happen. (We moved before our children were born). Also, we were already getting an inkling that the children might be able to be choristers, and that was an opportunity worth staying in the UK for. Plus, my sister's in the UK and other relatives too (apart from the cousin who moved just after I moved to the UK...), though my husband's family are mostly back home.

I can absolutely see that the only downside to you moving, is the actual physical process of moving. You'd regret it a long time if you allowed that to put you off :)

[Now, if I tell you I recently caught up with someone who left the UK for work, with 4 children, having been there a few years was planning to make it permanent, then something changed and they've just moved back quite quickly ...]

makkmiss · 14/04/2019 21:37

Moving countries is a massive thing, especially when you’re worried about your children’s reactions but in your case, I would say go for it! My dad was working in Dubai for many years when I was in primary school and eventually managed to convince my mum to move us all there from the UK. It was a massive change esp with such a different climate and culture. However it was great and I really loved it once I settled down. I have since moved back to the UK as like you, we were all a bit homesick after a number of years but moving abroad as a child has many benefits and children are far more adaptable than we give them credit for. Go for it whilst your kids are young, as long as DH is fully on board!

francienolan · 14/04/2019 21:57

YANBU. Everyone is on board and your children will adjust. Are you a dual citizen with the UK? Just thinking about whether you would be able to move back or not. If you aren't but are eligible I would get my UK passport just in case. (The visa situation here gets stricter and stricter.)

Original poster

MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 22:02

I have uk citizenship

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 14/04/2019 22:07

Why would you not go. I would move to Canada if my family were there and there were no ties to the UK at all. Does your DH have skills that mean he can easily find work

And if its in BC which is lovely (particularly Vancouver) why would you not

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