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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move back to my home country

98 replies

MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 18:21

I live in the south east of England with dog and dc. I was born in another country, came here in my 20s and am now a U.K. citizen.

I have been wanting to go home for some time, especially now that my parents are aging.

I have been offered a job back home in a beautiful location which pays more and has better benefits than my current one in the U.K. but is in the same sector.

Dh is entitled to work in my country- we sought and obtained a permanent resident status for him which allows this. Our children are dual nationals.

There is more space in my home country and my extended family live there.

Aibu to leave the U.K.? Is going home unrealistic? I was reading another thread where a poster wanted to sell up and move elsewhere and many posters said she was BU and tearing her children from all they’ve ever known.

AIBU? What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 19:23

The language is English. We all speak it fluently

OP posts:
museumum · 14/04/2019 19:26

I’d say you need your dh on board. If he’s up for it then go.
If he’s unsure then talk talk talk.

If he’d really honestly hate it then probably no.

mbosnz · 14/04/2019 19:26

I'm wondering if it's my home country. . .

Original poster
MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 19:27

DH is fine with it, he is excited

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Rezie · 14/04/2019 19:28

It's unclear to me if your husband wants to leave?
If yes then I don't really see the problem. If it's ok with birth parents, kids dont get e the idea, your job can cover the expenses until husband gets a job, all the paperwork is done and the country is nice and safe. There is nothing unreasonable.

pollyglot · 14/04/2019 19:29

I'm picking it's New Zealand. If I were you, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But don't be surprised if DC returns to the UK in his/her 20s.

mbosnz · 14/04/2019 19:30

If it is Aotearoa, your kids will most likely find they're in front academically when they get there, which will help them settle in.

damnthatoneistakenagain · 14/04/2019 19:30

I am wondering if it's CANADA! 🍁 if it is, then hell fucking yeah! Amazing country. For so many reasons......

niknac1 · 14/04/2019 19:30

Given everything you’ve said I would go quickly before the job offer goes.

brizzlemint · 14/04/2019 19:31

I'm thinking NZ as well. Your dh is presumably amenable as he can work there so go for it.

Original poster
MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 19:33

Yes DH wants to leave. He says there is nothing here for him except me and our children, and we can be a family over there as much as here. He likes my family.

We will have money from the sale of the house and we do not have debts

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mbosnz · 14/04/2019 19:34

Lordybe lady - GO FOR IT!!!!!! Smile

You haven't come up with a single reason not to, you're all on board. Do it.

ShinyMe · 14/04/2019 19:36

A friend of mine moved her family to New Zealand a few years back, because her DH was from there and missing his family and had a job offer, so very similar situation. She loves it there, and has no plans to return, has a much nicer standard of living, and the kids seem to be having a better education than they had in the UK. She says it was the best decision they've made.

If it was me, I would want to know - are your kids and DH likely to experience any anti immigrant racism in your home country? If not, or if it's the same level you'd get here, then I'd say go for it.

Original poster
MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 19:39

No, anti immigrant racism isn’t really a thing there.

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Original poster
MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 19:40

thank you all for helping me work through this in my mind - I think that we will be fine; we will be moving from a small city quite near a large one to the same sort of scenario; we can go I to the big city at the weekend so kids will not suffer from being away from London if that makes sense

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Pompello · 14/04/2019 19:41

If you want to go and everyone else is on board with the idea it doesn't seem like there's much of a dilemma.

SoulGal · 14/04/2019 19:41

Go for it.

We're British but left the UK 12 years ago. Now have taken Nationality of the country we've moved to. We have 2 DC now and we have promised each other we will never bring up the DC in England.

Life, schooling, healthcare is so much better here. People say the UK is wonderful but there are so many opportunities elsewhere. If you can do it, and DH and the DC are on board, then go and don't look back.

mbosnz · 14/04/2019 19:45

(grabs NZ sav blanc and cries into it. Very discreetly, of course . . .)

PicsInRed · 14/04/2019 19:51

Just think on the reasons you originally left and moved to the UK, your kids will probably feel the same way and may make a similar long term move.

Also, be sure you aren't romanticising within your memories - you won't be going back for Christmas, you'll need to work the local hours, in local conditions, pay the higher bills and live there 24/7/365.

The reverse journey isn't always affordable and possible. Good luck whichever way you go.

Original poster
MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 19:54

I left intending to work one year abroad but met DH

I haven’t actually been back for Christmas in 15+ years, I was rather looking forward to that - not sure why this wouldn’t be possible?

I am aware of how much bills are and how that would fit in with my salary - the salary is more than I earn here, cost of living is lower, and I have a variety of benefits which cover the whole family which come with the job

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AndIWon · 14/04/2019 19:56

Why would you not?

pollyglot · 14/04/2019 20:02

And if it's Tauranga, then no contest.

Veterinari · 14/04/2019 20:08

I’m going to assume it’s the USA and the reason you don’t want to say is the risk of side tracking into a debate on Trump and guns. Which tbh would be concerns if I had kids

AnnieMay100 · 14/04/2019 20:08

Definitely go it sounds like you’ll have a better life there. Other countries have just as much or more to offer than the uk which seems to be the country of choice for everyone to cling to unnecessarily, kids are adaptable it’ll be good for them

Original poster
MadgeMidgerson · 14/04/2019 20:09

It isn’t the USA, I have no desire to live there

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