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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex got engaged and never told me

100 replies

giantnannyknickers · 14/04/2019 00:33

Found out from a friend that ex's girlfriend had posted on social media they've got engaged.

I have two children with ex and the youngest in 9 months old. I was so shocked. His is with current partner 18 months so you guys do the math! It's been a tough few years.

AIBU to expect I should have been given a heads up?

OP posts:
user467942 · 14/04/2019 19:58

@giantnannyknickers I know how you feel my ex and his gf had a baby together and I only found out via social media after the baby was born and he had so many opportunities to tell me.

IMO I think it's not on and when you have kids and things happen that are gonna affect those kids you should at least be able to have a conversation about it

amy85 · 14/04/2019 20:00

My ex, father to my children, is getting married in August...he still hasn't told me...he keeps dropping hints hoping I will ask...but I wont

azulmariposa · 14/04/2019 20:23

It's really nothing to do with you. If it's bothering you then you need to let the feelings go as he was cheating whilst being with you. Or you were the OW. Does his fiancée know about you and the child? How is she ok with that?!? Shock

I had no problem minding the kids for him while he was away.
You aren't minding the kids for him. You're their mother! You shouldn't have a problem being a parent!

Shitonthebloodything · 14/04/2019 20:27

I haven't toldy ex I'm engaged, it's none of his business but in your situation I do think he should have told you as a courtesy as they've not been together very long.

Sorry things are so hard for you at the moment, it gets better. Flowers

Sux2buthen · 14/04/2019 20:47

@Ghanagirl he was at the proposal

Nearlythere1 · 14/04/2019 20:53

I second what @amy85 has said! Don't raise it with him at all, it'll drive him to distraction if he is trying to get a rise out of you already :)

Crunchymum · 14/04/2019 21:20

Was she the OW? Or did he leave you very early pregnant?

Order654 · 14/04/2019 21:31

It’s really none of your business.

Ghanagirl · 14/04/2019 21:35

@Sux2buthen
So you put him in the situation where he had to deliver the news to his mother.
That’s terrible thing to do to a child very spiteful.

HBStowe · 14/04/2019 21:37

He should have told you, yes. He may be y ex, but you have kids together. That means he ought to have given you a heads up, if just for their sakes.

ScreamScreamIceCream · 14/04/2019 21:42

No you shouldn't have expected to be given the heads up.

He has already shown you who he is, so why do you not believe him?

Sux2buthen · 14/04/2019 22:28

@Ghanagirl lmao he was thrilled. His mother was already remarried and couldn't give a shiny shit.
What a strange point of view to have without any particular information given.

Original poster
giantnannyknickers · 15/04/2019 04:09

@viques yes the girlfriend is only just turned 23 so I don't imagine it will go all the way to marriage.

OP posts:
Original poster
giantnannyknickers · 15/04/2019 04:11

@azulmariposa yes she had been with him right throughout my pregnancy. She knew about me and my pregnancy for a few months before I knew about her.

OP posts:
BlackberryandNettle · 15/04/2019 08:12

Your children's father is getting married - of course he should have told you, it has big implications for their lives and it's just common courtesy. Yanbu.

Original poster
giantnannyknickers · 15/04/2019 08:58

@ScreamScreamIceCream it just makes me wonder like why waste 5 years with me and have two kids if you didn't want to marry me. Why couldn't he have just given me a heads up and I could have left.

OP posts:
Original poster
giantnannyknickers · 15/04/2019 09:07

Ugh I don't know my head is wrecked from the whole thing. I know deep down it's no loss.

It's just sooooo humiliating and everyone is talking about it.

OP posts:
Ghanagirl · 15/04/2019 11:51

@Sux2buthen
It’s not a strange point of view.
You’re situation is different (although I would still have been polite enough to let DSs mother know) fairly recent breakup she has 2 small children and she made it clear she wasn’t the other women.
OP obviously upset and you were not very nice.

Ghanagirl · 15/04/2019 12:00

@giantnannyknickers
Forget about the people talk about you.
Have you got anyone supporting you?

Original poster
giantnannyknickers · 15/04/2019 12:09

@Ghanagirl no but I'll be home
now 3 weeks to family support so that's keeping me going.

We only just finished in family court as well, a week before the proposal. He has to pay me settlement, pay his legal fees and he owes the tax man 100k, it was evident during settlement that they'd laundered money from the business we owned. So just getting sent a picture of the ring it is like a big fat fuck you - 'we could afford a holiday abroad and an engagement ring'

And yes - she took my job too.

OP posts:
Foxmuffin · 15/04/2019 12:18

This bloke sounds like such a knobhead. I wouldn’t be surprised if it all goes wrong and he tries to get back into your good books.

happyhillock · 15/04/2019 12:26

Why should he tell you? I have 2 kid's with my ex he didn't tell me he was getting married again and i didn't tell him either none of my business what he does, couldn't care less.

ScrewyMcScrewup · 15/04/2019 12:29

I just found out my ex-husband has remarried. I was surprised but happy for him, and it didn't cross my mind that he should have told me. But then we don't have children... if his new wife was going to be living with my children part of the time, I think I would have the right to know.

QuickThinkOfAName · 15/04/2019 12:30

Urgh. What a knob. You don’t need me to tell you you’ve had a luck escape Flowers

I was just going to say - keep a record of all the threats and times he makes it hard for you regarding the dc. Keep all the evidence. Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself... and don’t lower yourself to his standards. Don’t engage in the bickering. The court will recognise a knob when they see one.

I don’t even have sympathy for her. She should clearly have done the maths and figured out he was still sleeping with you. Yet she still wants to marry the toad?!

Onwards and ever upwards!

Original poster
giantnannyknickers · 16/04/2019 01:46

@happyhillock maybe I'm
Not as over it as you were. It's been 18 months since we broke up but I only had his baby 9 months ago.

OP posts:
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