Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

The baby is still napping: valid excuse for being late?

98 replies

JustTwoMoreSecs · 13/04/2019 18:10

I’m interested in your views:
Two families arrange to meet up mid afternoon in a public place. The meet-up time has been decided together. Both have two DC under five, but only one is a baby (18mo).
The family with the baby messages around the meet-up time to say they will be late because the baby is still napping so they don’t want to leave the house yet.
Is that a valid excuse and is the other family (us) BU to be annoyed?
It is not a once off thing.
They are really good friends and this won’t affect the friendship of course, but still... I’m getting tired of having to entertain my two and waste time in random coffeeshops while we wait.

OP posts:

reetgood · 13/04/2019 20:27

This wouldn’t annoy me, but my family are notorious for these kind of shenanigans and I kind of expect it. They don’t even have a napping baby excuse ;)

My son is 15 months and no way would I wake him from a daytime nap. I get one nap a day, if I wake him early I get a hellish bedtime or a fatally late nap. Both of these are unwelcome prospects. He takes about 30 mins to come round if woken early and is hella grumpy too. The very thought gives me the heeby jeebies. Sorry friends, but he still wakes 3-5 times a night and I need that nap for my own time out.

reetgood · 13/04/2019 20:28

Although to be fair I do try and avoid social engagements in the nap window, but it’s a 3 hour window so sometimes I get tripped up by surprise early nap/ surprise long nap

Silversun83 · 13/04/2019 20:36

Was like this with DC1, everything was centred around her naps but I generally avoided arranging things around her nap times. Was so glad when she dropped her morning nap so we could go out more regularly in the morning as most groups tended to be first thing.

With DC2, I am still quite anxious about naps and do hate waking him. However, if I didn't, we'd never go out as he likes his 2/3 hour naps! And I obviously can't make a 3-year-old a slave to his naps too! Luckily he is very laid-back, though still feel rotten waking him!

WYP2018 · 13/04/2019 20:36

I would just carry on with my kids in that situation, if they can catch us up great but if not me and the kids have had a nice trip out anyway, no big deal.

I’ve got 3 dc and there was no way I was waking the 3rd just to meet up with people. But then I would just arrange meet ups early in the day to avoid the issue. I can’t be arsed with having a grumpy baby all day just so I can go and have a latte with someone. But then as pp have pointed out, some babies/toddlers can cope with that and some really can’t!

fullprice · 13/04/2019 20:36

@BelulahBlanca your baby fits around your life?! Is that a serious statement

user1471426142 · 13/04/2019 20:49

Everyone used to do it. I find mornings are a far better time for meet-ups as afternoon naps seem to be the norm and most people are on slightly different routines. Sometimes you can’t avoid a post-nap appointment but my toddler used to be heinous with an early wake-up.

MrsScamander · 13/04/2019 20:53

Before my second child I would have said YANBU, however since having my DD I'm inclined to agree more with your friends. If my DD doesn't nap or only has a very short nap she is the most moody, miserable, hard work little baby you've ever known and taking her out in public is a nightmare because she will scream and won't go to sleep in her pram.

I can understand why you're frustrated however, because I hate people being late (especially if they do it all the time) and if I'd known I was meeting someone at a specific time I would have tried my hardest to make sure nap time gave the baby time to rest without being late.

Lelly0503 · 13/04/2019 21:31

it depends on how often it’s happening, for it to be annoying or not. A family member used to do this quite a bit, it used to annoy me because we were expected to just be flexible& change plans &meet up times last minute to suit her baby, yet not considering us or that we were ready to go and then had to hang about.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 13/04/2019 22:44

That's inconsiderate of your friend.

I'd leave TBH. Tell her your kids are restless and becoming a handful so you're heading to a park/home wherever. She can meet you there later if she wants.

I wouldn't rage at her but I think you should say something that demonstrates that this has jerked you and your children around.

She's only thinking of her own day, not yours. Remind her that you have kids and a schedule as well.

In the future maybe meet her in the morning, before the nap.

User12879923378 · 13/04/2019 23:08

Most people I know are pretty tolerant of stuff like this. It depends on if the baby is a non-sleeper/has no routine. If the baby has a nap at that time like clockwork and they aren't prepared to wake her then they need to arrange meeting up differently but if she is a really unreliable or difficult sleeper and naps are like gold dust then of course I wouldn't expect them to wake her.

PregnantSea · 14/04/2019 04:09

If someone has a baby or toddler then I tend to give them a free pass for these sorts of things so long as they are sincere and apologetic. Perhaps I'm too soft?

Margot33 · 14/04/2019 05:06

Depends how the baby reacts when woken up. My second would scream until she had another nap. Maybe it's best you wait for her to text you saying shes left the house, before setting off next time.

Jent13c · 14/04/2019 05:11

If they knew they had plans could they not have settled baby in pram and one parent get bus to location with pram while baby napped? If this is not a one off then YANBU.

Pieinthesky11 · 14/04/2019 05:12

I'd let baby sleep and be late...it's just not possible to revolve around other people with a baby

chopc · 14/04/2019 05:13

If the says baby had a swimming class for example - would the parents be late because the baby is napping?
If the answer is no then I don't think you should be any less of a priority just because they are not paying for your time.
I dislike lack of respect for people's time

HopefulAgain10 · 14/04/2019 05:18

If we wake up my son while he is napping, it's such a nightmare for us. Hes cranky, miserable and honestly we might as well just not go. We usually plan to get together after his nap time but he sometimes doesn't nap at the exact same time.
Luckily all our friends have kids in the same age group so we understand how this works.

Ihatehashtags · 14/04/2019 06:13

18 months isn’t a baby.They could be on time but are prioritising their kids sleep. It’s annoying. Some people are very uptight about sleeping

Snog · 14/04/2019 06:21

Unacceptable- I wouldn't be making any future plans to meet up.

voxnihili · 14/04/2019 06:55

For me it would depend how regularly it happened. My dd is fairly predictable with naps and will sleep anywhere so if we're due to leave the house during nap time I'll put her down for her nap in her car seat or pushchair. Occasionally I get caught out though and will put her in her cot, only for her to have a really long nap. Usually I'm meeting people in a group so I just message to say I'm running late and not to wait for me to get their coffees etc.

In my case, lateness is usually due to a poo explosion. We can be ready 15 minutes before we're due to leave the house and I'll notice the smell just as I'm clicking the car seat in. I'm sure she does it as she knows I can't abide lateness 😂.

HalyardHitch · 14/04/2019 07:00

It's a tough one. Are the parents being fussy? Is the child intolerant to being woken? You'll never know, I guess.

Ds1 was and is still intolerant to being woken. He's 2y3m and will nap either 90m or 3 hours. Ds2 doesn't particularly care when he sleeps or how long for.

I don't make afternoon plans any more unless it's a playdate at my house

sanmiguel · 14/04/2019 08:04

I think the problem here is that after the first time this happened, you didn't say 'given baby likes a long sleep in the p m, shall we look for a day when you can meet at 10am before lunch?'

I just don't get folk who persist repeating activities that they know will frustrate them?
I have a friend who's late regardless of what time we need to meet so when it's just us 2 meeting at a restaurant for instance, I either take my book/phone and prepare to be sat alone catching up on correspondence or tell her half an hour earlier than necessary. I just don't get worked up about it. I'm far from perfect. Pick your battles!

MiniEggAddiction · 14/04/2019 08:10

Meeting in a public place where you have kids to entertain? They are being unreasonable. If they were just coming round yours for a casual playdate I think it would be fine.

Lana1234 · 14/04/2019 08:16

I see both sides tbh. Annoying for you being messed around and maybe friend needs to change the time of meeting in future. The fall out from me waking 19mo DS from a nap is awful tho, he’ll have a meltdown upon waking up and be in a grump for the rest of the day so I do really try and keep my afternoons 1-3ish free

Flip

1 2 3 4