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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The baby is still napping: valid excuse for being late?

98 replies

JustTwoMoreSecs · 13/04/2019 18:10

I’m interested in your views:
Two families arrange to meet up mid afternoon in a public place. The meet-up time has been decided together. Both have two DC under five, but only one is a baby (18mo).
The family with the baby messages around the meet-up time to say they will be late because the baby is still napping so they don’t want to leave the house yet.
Is that a valid excuse and is the other family (us) BU to be annoyed?
It is not a once off thing.
They are really good friends and this won’t affect the friendship of course, but still... I’m getting tired of having to entertain my two and waste time in random coffeeshops while we wait.

OP posts:
museumum · 13/04/2019 18:43

My ds and my nephew would both have been horrific all afternoon if woken from a nap before they were ready. Seriously, you would NOT have wanted to be with us. Better to be late imo than that.
However I’d never expect anyone to wait about - why don’t you carry on with the planned activity and they can catch you up?

Spam88 · 13/04/2019 18:47

If by some miracle my daughter napped longer than expected, there's not a chance in hell I'd wake her for a social outing. Also, she's a right cow if you wake her before she's ready 😂 maybe you just need to look at the sorts of places you're meeting? Choose places where your kids can happily play if your friend is late?

Preggosaurus9 · 13/04/2019 18:48

Stop meeting in the afternoon, go for the morning instead. Do brunch!

We have this exact situation with many of our playdates. Sometimes my DC is still napping, sometimes the other DC. Doesn't matter really does it? Meeting in the morning solves 90% of it.

Smoggle · 13/04/2019 18:53

It's basically down to a lack of organisation in the offending parent, and a lack of consideration that anyone else's time is important.

If you are this person - then stop agreeing to meet at nap time! Or put your toddler down earlier, or go out earlier so they can nap in the car/buggy. Just don't expect everyone else to work to your schedule. It's rude.

toomuchtooold · 13/04/2019 18:57

When my kids were still napping I was like your friend, only difference was that I wouldn't arrange to meet up straight after nap time because of this. That meant I could rarely meet people during the week, which I was fine with - if I'd been back at work instead of on extended mat leave I wouldn't have been able to meet up either.

youarenotkiddingme · 13/04/2019 19:00

If a baby (say) naps from 1-3pm or generally anything between then - arrange meet up at 4pm.
I'd not wake ds up to go out because he'd be a nightmare (he was the hyperactive tired type 🙈) but I also would make sure I arranged meet ups either to coincide with naps so he would sleep in buggy or a good flat hour after his latest usual wake up time.

ukgift2016 · 13/04/2019 19:00

Fuck that. They shouldn't be arranging meet ups if they are going to be leaving people waiting up to 45 minutes.

Totally rude and entitled behaviour.

Lllot5 · 13/04/2019 19:01

Supposing you have to be somewhere tho. I’m thinking picking up others from school. Have to wake them up then. Mind you I guess that’s different from social occasions. I’d go home and try again another day.

Shenanagins · 13/04/2019 19:02

I would be annoyed but I can completely see why the other parent doesn’t want to wake the baby up.

I wouldn’t say anything though, just simply text back that you’ll just order and carry on and if you see her great, if not another time, no big deal.

needanappp · 13/04/2019 19:02

I don't think that's unreasonable of them. If my son doesn't have his nap or you wake him up, he is so grouchy that doing anything with him is a nightmare.

That being said, I'd have arranged to meet up an hour or so after he was due to wake up. Maybe the little one was late having a nap?

Original poster
JustTwoMoreSecs · 13/04/2019 19:04

Have you forgotten how hard it can be? Cut your friend some slack Have you read my posts? I am merely asking for opinions, not raging at my friends Confused and from what I read there they are a bit U for not letting us know earlier and we are a bit U to get annoyed instead of factoring this habit it when deciding on a meetup place and time.

OP posts:
NicoAndTheNiners · 13/04/2019 19:05

I think it's rude.

Bet if they had something to get to they deemed important, hospital appt, restaurant reservation, wedding, etc they'd wake the baby.

Original poster
JustTwoMoreSecs · 13/04/2019 19:06

I'd have arranged to meet up an hour or so after he was due to wake up this is what we do I believe, but of course babies sleep habits are not 100% reliable which is the cause of the situation

OP posts:
needanappp · 13/04/2019 19:10

@JustTwoMoreSecs I think so. To be honest, for us it tends to be Sod's law that if we arrange something for 3pm (when DS should be awake at 2pm latest), he won't end up going to sleep until 1:30 and we end up late!! Luckily we only really do things as a family so we're not late for anyone but ourselves!

Smoggle · 13/04/2019 19:12

If it was important they'd have planned the nap better or woken the toddler - there's no way they'd call an older sibling's school at 3pm to say they're going to be 45 minutes late because they won't wake a napping child.

So your time just isn't important to them.

MillicentMartha · 13/04/2019 19:13

Try that once your oldest is at school! Sorry, can’t pick DC1 up at 3 because DC2 or DC3 is napping. I’m sure the teachers wouldn’t mind.

Loopytiles · 13/04/2019 19:13

18 months isn’t that young. I wouldn’t wait around for 45 mins, or extend the end time of the meet-up if I had plans later, or just wanted to sort out the DCs’ tea.

MillicentMartha · 13/04/2019 19:14

Cross post Smoggle

yikesanotherbooboo · 13/04/2019 19:14

I would ( and have) found this annoying. The friends shouldn't have made the arrangement if there was a chance that you were all going to be left hanging around in limbo while the baby slept.

Farmerswifey12 · 13/04/2019 19:15

I think your friend is being reasonable.

If I woke my toddler up to take him somewhere he would be cranky and it wouldn't be an enjoyable experience for anyone. I do it if I absolutely have to but generally try to avoid it

Fr3d · 13/04/2019 19:17

We would leave it kind of flexible, e.g.lets met Sat afternoon, I'll text you when x wakes up/we're ready to leave etc. This is ok...wouldn't like being stood up

Loopytiles · 13/04/2019 19:17

So presumably you don’t meet up with friends or family in the afternoons? Fair enough.

Pinkprincess1978 · 13/04/2019 19:18

They should be giving you enough notice that you don't have to leave to meet them. I assume baby has started nap late so they knew they would be late. If baby didn't start late then either gently wake or while sleeping transfer to pushchair/car seat and if they are still tired then nap can continue.

It's just rude to keep people waiting.

ThinkingNotSpeaking · 13/04/2019 19:19

Never wake a sleeping baby!

Longolddaytoday · 13/04/2019 19:19

I have a friend who does this and it honestly drives me slightly nuts although I'd never say so. First, her DC is three, not a newborn. Second, my DC is the same age so she's old enough to be upset if she's been told she's going to see her little friend who then doesn't show (or arrives over an hour late). Third, friend's DC will be allowed a four hour nap until early evening and then his mother will moan about him being up all night most nights.

Incidentally, I was talking recently to another friend who has three under fives. She said that, with her firstborn, everything was scheduled around naptime. With her second, not so much. The third? She just gets taken everywhere and has to nap wherever she is, because the other kids have school, nursery and activities to go to, and the mum wants them to have normal lives that don't revolve around the baby.

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