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Original poster

To lie about being a parent at job interviews?

66 replies

tolieornottolie · 13/04/2019 14:33

Not that I have to mention that I'm a mother but whenever I'm asked about gaps on my CV, I have to tell the interviewer that I've had to have time away from working to raise my DD (3). In some interviews, I've seen the interviewers face drop after telling them that I've been a sahm. Also, when I'm asked about my hobbies, I don't actually have any because I'm with a 3 year old most of the time.

I was thinking of lying about who I actually care for (my mother perhaps) as I've written "caring responsibilities" to account for the gaps. I have a funny feeling that employers don't want to hire those with children as we are seen as a burden.

I really want to get my career on the road, I'm 26 wasting my good years bored at home, determined not to have another child. I need some mental stimulation and the company of other adults- working seems to be the perfect antidote.

I have an interview on Tuesday with a FinTech company and although the guy who conducted my telephone interview said that the company is very inclusive etc., I'm inclined to believe that any unconscious bias will seep in if I were to mention that I'm/was a SAHM. I really want this job and think it could be great to actually kickstart a career.

Anyone been in this position before?

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 13/04/2019 14:42

I wouldn't lie but I wouldn't ring it up either. If you say you were caring for you mum and later contradict yourself, it won't look good.

Original poster
tolieornottolie · 13/04/2019 14:44

I wouldn't lie but I wouldn't ring it up either

What am I to say then? I had an interview yesterday and my CV was severely scrutinised. The interview felt odd after I'd mentioned that I'd been caring for DD, but presumably the interviewer should have guessed from reading my CV, maybe they didn't bother reading it properly.

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 13/04/2019 14:45

You could say that you care for a family member. That would not be a lie.

hidinginthenightgarden · 13/04/2019 14:50

If they asked I would say that I jhad been caring for a someone. I wouldn't mention a particular person as that may backfire.

NewAccount270219 · 13/04/2019 14:52

I'm really sorry you're facing this - it's so stupid and such a waste of talent that people have attitudes like this. I suspect that because you're young and so is your DD they think you'll have another one soon (which is clearly discrimination, and an explanation but not an excuse for why they turn against you after they learn this). Like a pp I think you should say 'I took some time out of work to care for a family member, but circumstances have changed and I'm ready to return now' - it's not a lie.

Original poster
tolieornottolie · 13/04/2019 14:52

That's a good idea, say I've been caring for someone, just not in a professional capacity.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 13/04/2019 14:54

I certainly wouldn't lie. What happens when you get a job and need child related time off?

As far as hobbies go work with what you do with your daughter.

Do you take her walks? Do you bake with her? Read to her?

There you have walking, baking & reading as hobbies.

OrangeJuiceandArmchairs · 13/04/2019 14:57

So sorry this is happening to you.

In the NHS we cannot ask about anything maternity related. You could walk in with a massive pregnancy bump and we wouldn't make reference to it.

As for hobbies - why is anyone still asking about this.

I'm a runner with an interest in ancient history. Who cares? It doesn't make me a better radiographer.

Original poster
tolieornottolie · 13/04/2019 14:57

NewAccount

It's completely crap that parents are being overlooked because they've been at home. You'd think that hiring managers have been trained not to discriminate but I don't think they care.

This sounds great- Thanks!

"I took some time out of work to care for a family member, but circumstances have changed and I'm ready to return now"

OP posts:
Expressedways · 13/04/2019 15:03

I recently went back to work after a 2 year break. In my case, I didn’t explain the employment gap on the my CV. At interview I truthfully explained that I loved my previous job, would have gone back after maternity leave but DH’s job relocated half way across the world and I had a lengthy wait for my employment authorisation to come through. Then I moved swiftly on to talking about the job. I think applied for about 5 jobs, got interviews for 4 and was offered the first one on the spot at 10k more than the advertised salary and one day working from home to persuade me not to go to the other interviews. My boss is a mother and is great if I ever need to take time off if DD is sick. Honestly, anywhere where I had to lie about having children to get a foot in the door wouldn’t be somewhere I’d want to work. And don’t think that every employer is going to be put off. Good luck!

Merryoldgoat · 13/04/2019 15:03

I actually think it’s better to be upfront from the start - I don’t want to work for a business where my children are a problem because they WILL cause issues from time to time.

My current job is quite senior but part-time and they said in the interview they were flexible etc. and they have been.

If children are sick, I have a nativity etc there’s no issue.

I think you’re better off looking hard for a company where they genuinely value and promote work-life balance.

What do you do for work? Or what field are you looking to get into?

Original poster
tolieornottolie · 13/04/2019 15:03

As far as hobbies go work with what you do with your daughter

Parks, galleries, reading, arts&crafts, cinema, teaching her French, Latin and Spanish and make believe role play- might leave that last one off Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
tolieornottolie · 13/04/2019 15:04

As for hobbies - why is anyone still asking about this

Every interview I've had in the last 3 months has asked.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 13/04/2019 15:06

Just lie about hobbies - classic cinema, baking, sewing etc. Piss easy to fake.

crazycatlady7 · 13/04/2019 15:11

When I interview I have to ask about gaps in employment and honestly if you have been a SAHM, it's not an issue to me. Please don't lie as it will come up eventually! I want to know if you can do the job when I interview you, what your skills are and work our how you will fit into the job. I employ a lot of mothers with young children as the hours I offer work for them.

HundredMilesAnHour · 13/04/2019 15:12

I'm shocked that the OP is being asked about hobbies. They stopped asking/caring about hobbies in my industry 20+ years ago.

BuzzPeakWankBobbly · 13/04/2019 15:15

As for hobbies - why is anyone still asking about this. I'm a runner with an interest in ancient history. Who cares? It doesn't make me a better radiographer.

I might ask what sort of running you like, and have a bit of chit chat round that. Or I might ask how you found an interest in ancient history and what particular bit. I might even reveal a kindred spirit!

Of course it has no impact on your technical radiography skills, but you and I are still human beings and can treat each other as such! It's a conversation between two willing parties, not a warzone interrogation. I would find it very odd if someone blanked me totally when I was trying to make an effort to know them better.

TheInvestigator · 13/04/2019 15:16

When asked about gaps in mine, I said I was travelling and gaining inspiration from different cultures and design styles (I work in the arts). I just never mentioned that I was travelling with my child! Is there anyway you can fudge it like that?

C8H10N4O2 · 13/04/2019 15:20

I'm shocked that the OP is being asked about hobbies.

I agree - hobbies are irrelevant and when I see them on professional CV I'm more likely to wonder why they don't have something more relevant.

The only time I'd ever touch on hobbies is with grad recruits - mainly because they have no actual work experience to discuss.

OP: I always query gaps in CVs but I'd be quite happy with "caring responsibilities" as an answer. I'd be tempted to say "caring for a family but you find writing that on a CV results in no interviews even from from firms bragging about their diversity policies...".

If the company is Fintech check if they have a 50/50 policy. If they do then frankly they can't afford to reject good candidates just on account of having families

TheDarkOverload · 13/04/2019 15:21

Gaps were for caring responsibilities. You are excited to return to work and use the skills you learnt during that time such as prioritising tasks, time management etc etc.

Hobbies include the things you did with your child or talk about hobbies you did pre-child or would like to take up. Remember to talk about what skills those hobbies offer to them.

ForalltheSaints · 13/04/2019 15:23

It is wrong for employers to victimise those who have been on maternity leave, but it happens still I am sure. The difficulty is lying at interview or on your CV is a simple grounds for getting rid of you should things not work out as the employer wished (unless you want to be leader of UKIP).

The legitimate concern which applies to men and women is if you are hiding a job where you were sacked, or were going to support a terrorist organisation, or up to some other illegal activity. Hence the 'went travelling' one will result in often wanting evidence of where you went.

RomanyQueen1 · 13/04/2019 15:26

I wouldn't lie, if you get the job and then it comes out later you could be sacked. not for having a child, but lying.

hazell42 · 13/04/2019 15:26

The workforce is full of people with children.
I think you are making more of it than you need to.
Took some time off when children were young, now I am ready to resume career is all you need to say.
If they ask how you will manage if the kids are sick, sue them. Parenthood is a protected characteristic and they are totally not allowed to discriminate because of it

Yabbers · 13/04/2019 15:26

I have quite specific flexibility needs from an employer because of DD. I always tell them straight because they are going to know at some point and if it’s going to be a problem, I don’t want to work for them.

I would only keep it quiet if I was really struggling to find an employer who were ok with it.

I guess to explain a gap I’d just say I’d been doing unpaid caring work. I’m surprised it’s still considered ok for employers to ask women this as there’s a very good chance it’s because of childcare and could be considered discriminatory.

TheInvestigator · 13/04/2019 15:27

@ForalltheSaints

I did actually go travelling! I just used the opportunity of my child being under 1 and easy to cart around to go and travel. So it wasn't a lie and I could easily provide evidence!