To lie about being a parent at job interviews?

[tolieornottolie]

Not that I have to mention that I'm a mother but whenever I'm asked about gaps on my CV, I have to tell the interviewer that I've had to have time away from working to raise my DD (3). In some interviews, I've seen the interviewers face drop after telling them that I've been a sahm. Also, when I'm asked about my hobbies, I don't actually have any because I'm with a 3 year old most of the time.

I was thinking of lying about who I actually care for (my mother perhaps) as I've written "caring responsibilities" to account for the gaps. I have a funny feeling that employers don't want to hire those with children as we are seen as a burden.

I really want to get my career on the road, I'm 26 wasting my good years bored at home, determined not to have another child. I need some mental stimulation and the company of other adults- working seems to be the perfect antidote.

I have an interview on Tuesday with a FinTech company and although the guy who conducted my telephone interview said that the company is very inclusive etc., I'm inclined to believe that any unconscious bias will seep in if I were to mention that I'm/was a SAHM. I really want this job and think it could be great to actually kickstart a career.

Anyone been in this position before?

Do you really want to work somewhere that is so inflexible?

No but I'm under the impression that nobody wants to hire a SAHP because they may turn out to be a hindrance

@tolieornottolie no veterinary medicine a suicide rate four times the average and the highest of any profession in the world.

It's completely crap that parents are being overlooked because they've been at home

They are not overlooked for being at home or being a parent. It's more to do with the fact they have no recent experience and employers usually want that as it's shows work ethic, can mean less training etc.

oh the hobby thing is bizarre too

I have hobbies but have been on antideps most of my adult life. Have raging anxiety. In my case, and in my cases, we still do a perfectly good job.

all this nosiness dressed up as "duty of care" usually by organisations who don't give a shit about sorting basic stuff like temps when someone's signed off sick.

or think about things like open plan and noise etc.

Never lie, it will come back to bite you. Questions about hobbies might be to relax you and open up. You need things that you can talk about with enthusiasm, and maybe demonstrate work-related skills. Same with your childcare. Be truthful and spin it to a skills base experience. As others have posted you need a firm that is not intolerant of family or you will have conflict. Start lying now and it will not end well. I had 16 years at home with my children and kickstarted a new career at 40

We ask about hobbies in interviews as it's a nice easy question, and a bit more specific than the horrible 'tell me about yourself'. It can help nervous candidates settle down.

We don't care about what the actual hobby is, I've never seen it used in determining between two close candidates, but what would make a difference is if someone was rude and said it's none of our business, and someone else said they liked cycling to keep fit and was pleasant during the conversation, I know which person I'd rather work with.

I wouldn't outright lie about the childcare, but some of the previous caring for a family member answers seem a good idea.
I have to say though even not mentioning family situation your age is in the "could be starting a family" bracket so they may assume anyway.
I volunteer part time in a charity to further women's rights & interests overseas.
I was horrified having a conversation with the president a few weeks ago, who openly admitted her husband (head of a big legal firm) actively seeks not to employ the "could start a family soon" age women.
She didn't see anything wrong with it, I was so put off and I see and hear of it in many situations. It's so crappy, better than it was but still a very long way to go.
I hope you find a job you love that fits in with caring for your child OP.

I don't think being a mum is a problem. It's the way you say it. Basically, they just want to explain gaps in your cv to know you haven't been lying on your parents sofa watching tv. If you are apologetic or seem negative about it, they'll see it as a bad thing.
So just make it brief and positive. Say "yes, I took a career break to look after my daughter. Parenting is a huge responsibility and I've learned a lot. Problem-solving, time management, prioritising important tasks, organisation skills and delegation. It has been amazing and now I'm ready for a new challenge. "

Dont lie. Good luck OP.

I think in the NHS we're not really used to hearing about hobbies now as we can't score you on it. We have to compare each candidate with the same questions/presentations/scenarios so it's a waste of time.

No idea about other industries. Is it just an ice breaker?

I did get asked 'how would your friends describe you' and thought it was an utter dick question. It was ten years ago. I didn't get the job but honestly why are interviewers trying to catch people out? It makes no sense (as a clinician in the NHS).

also whether it poses any risk of absenteeism due to any inherent danger involved

This is the most depressingly petty thing I’ve heard for ages. God job hunting is the absolute pits.

Do you really want to work for a business that would so openly discriminate against mothers? I wouldn't. You aren't required to tell them if you are a parent but don't lie about your child's existence. What are you going to do if you get the job and it's amazing and turns into a career that you stay in for 10 or 20 or more years?

Have you managed to ensure that your skills are up to date and relevant for the jobs you are applying for. In my job, it changes that rapidly that someone out of the workplace for 3 years would struggle against people already employed unless those skills have been recently updated. I think this is maybe what employers are looking at more than you being a parent. Maybe be pro-active and volunteer or develop those skills and then at interview you can say - while I have been out of work bringing up my child, since I decided to return to work, I have read up on current changes in X, I have volunteered to develop my skills of Y and I now feel more confident with Z. Employers would know that you are keen and willing if you show you have developed yourself in preparation.

It's completely crap that parents are being overlooked because they've been at home

It is one part of the whole picture though. OP has said she is only 26, and has been at home since having her dc who is 3. That means she can only have had a relatively short history of employment prior to this (depending on job roles / if she is looking for graduate work or if she has been working since leaving education at 18). Now, nothing wrong with that, on it's own, but as with any job, you are competing against everyone else that is applying. Some job roles it won't matter, but in other roles, she might be competing with someone who has many years of experience, working in slightly different parts of the business, on different projects, with different people, etc. They might have met and overcome challenges she hasn't, managed situations she hasn't, managed people that she hasn't. It might not be anything to do with being a parent, it might be to do with having a very limited CV in terms of work skills and work experience.

Re hobbies - of course you can have hobbies with a 3 yr old.
I also think asking about hobbies is perfectly valid - for all reasons stated above.... to relax the candidate and get them talking about something they might be passionate about...... to find out a little more about their lives and how they will fit in to the team...... the mindfulness / relaxation argument...... but also, in many hobbies, people will also develop transferable skills. The Scouts tag line at the moment is 'Skills for Life'. DofE is all about putting people outside their comfort zone and seeing how they rise to that challenge (and includes working alongside people you didn't previously know, and having to do a presentations, etc etc - all transferable).

Christ alive, if someone laughed in my face just for me politely asking "what do you like to do outside work?" as part of a friendly interview I'd find that incredibly rude.

You can think me rude for asking it if you like. But if people don't want to show any human side to them, I'm not going to hire them because they definitely won't fit in my company.

On the hobbies part, in my experience that question is still being used, including at senior level, and plays an important role in allowing biases to be expressed in impunity. Someone who says he’s into competitive cycling will be perceived as driven and ambitious; someone who is into knitting, not so much.

My former boss hired someone at a senior level largely because they shared an interest in F1. I don’t give a shit about F1, and that played a role in limiting my career opportunities because I never wanted to go on expensive trips abroad with the boys, away from my young DCs . 🤨

Likewise expensive hobbies like sailing, dressage, sports cars etc serve to identify wealthy/UC candidates. Unlike, say, gaming or aquarium fish.

These types of questions very often play against minority candidates, and against women in particular. To those still using these questions, please consider the potential adverse impact on those candidates.

You are excited to return to work and use the skills you learnt during that time such as prioritising tasks, time management etc

Oh god don't do this! It just makes you look completely inexperienced and scraping the barrel. Only talk about skills you've gained from work.