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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To lie about being a parent at job interviews?

66 replies

tolieornottolie · 13/04/2019 14:33

Not that I have to mention that I'm a mother but whenever I'm asked about gaps on my CV, I have to tell the interviewer that I've had to have time away from working to raise my DD (3). In some interviews, I've seen the interviewers face drop after telling them that I've been a sahm. Also, when I'm asked about my hobbies, I don't actually have any because I'm with a 3 year old most of the time.

I was thinking of lying about who I actually care for (my mother perhaps) as I've written "caring responsibilities" to account for the gaps. I have a funny feeling that employers don't want to hire those with children as we are seen as a burden.

I really want to get my career on the road, I'm 26 wasting my good years bored at home, determined not to have another child. I need some mental stimulation and the company of other adults- working seems to be the perfect antidote.

I have an interview on Tuesday with a FinTech company and although the guy who conducted my telephone interview said that the company is very inclusive etc., I'm inclined to believe that any unconscious bias will seep in if I were to mention that I'm/was a SAHM. I really want this job and think it could be great to actually kickstart a career.

Anyone been in this position before?

OP posts:

Yabbers · 13/04/2019 15:29

if you get the job and then it comes out later you could be sacked
No you couldn’t. Not telling them something isn’t a sackable offence. It would only be a lie if you said you were doing something you hadn’t been.

They can’t sack you because you didn’t tell them you are a parent as the law specifically prohibits them from asking you if you are.

gobbin · 13/04/2019 15:29

I wouldn’t say that you were caring for a parent as they may assume that the parent will continue to require caring duties at a potential detriment to the company, whereas at least child care responsibilities diminishes with age.

TheDarkOverload · 13/04/2019 15:33

Hobbies is actually quite a common question. It's a horrible question but I think it is designed to see the "real person" and a bit of their personality and see how they'll fit with the team. People are less rehearsed when it comes to stuff off the CV and it helps get a conversation going.

If the company is after a dynamic social butterfly then soneone who spends all their spare time watching Homes Under The Hammer alone isn't necessarily what they are after.

As for the person being interviewed, it's an opportunity to show you have skills which you can't necessarily show in your working experience. If you work in a busy call centre you might not be able to evidence that you can stay focussed on detailed tasks but if you like to build matchstick boats then you can.

The key is to see what skills your hobbies give you and link them back to the job. If it's a bit unusual great but if not, then no worries. Don't make up a hobby though. You might think you are safe by claiming to grow 6ft high yellow orchids in your spare time but you can guarantee the interviewer will be a triple gold winner and will ask you what you soil you use.

RomanyQueen1 · 13/04/2019 15:35

Yabbers

I was talking about lying, not the fact of not telling them.
Lying is a sackable offence, I've seen it happen more than once myself.
Who wants to employ a liar.

SpaceCadet4000 · 13/04/2019 15:37

I would be brief in stating caring responsibilities (don't give details) but then talk about how motivated you are to build upon your existing skillset. It should still be a fairly short answer, but make sure the point the interviewer gets from your response is that you're a dedicated and motivated candidate.

Original poster

tolieornottolie · 13/04/2019 15:39

I said I was travelling... Is there anyway you can fudge it like that?

Nope, I haven't been travelling :/

If they ask how you will manage if the kids are sick, sue them

WHAT?!! One interviewer asked me how I would manage with childcare and I had to explain 30 hours, grandparents and having a partner around. Wish I'd said something there and then as I though to myself- I'm sure they're not allowed to ask me this.

OP posts:

Margot33 · 13/04/2019 15:40

I have the same problem as you. I would tell the truth that you had a career break for child rearing and list some hobbies (start them now!) I list keep fit, yoga, meditation and walking. Just do 5 minutes of each a day!

Bobbiepin · 13/04/2019 15:40

I would be honest about it but drop in something like "I'm glad to have had the time at home with her but now my family is complete I'm ready to come back to work".

NotFatTransslender · 13/04/2019 15:43

Honestly, anywhere where I had to lie about having children to get a foot in the door wouldn’t be somewhere I’d want to work Good point Expressed, if you have to cover up the fact that you're a mum to get the job, what happens when they ask you to work late evenings or weekends, or want you to go away on business trips etc? If they're not family friendly they'll be shit to work for.

FWIW I had the same thing, interviews went really well, until they started talking about the hours they'd expect me in the office. As a single mum (even though my kids are all over 10) I couldn't commit to working in the office until 7.30pm each day and most of the weekend too. I suggested working from home after 5.30 but despite 3 very enthusiastic separate interviewers who all said I could do the job with my eyes shut and would fit in with their team, I didn't get any of the jobs.

Its criminal, the waste of talent and experience because mums are overlooked. I'm sure most of us would give so much more when we are at work, especially those on flexi-time/part-time who know they're lucky to be able to work around kids so give 110% when they're there. I'm pretty sure I fit a fuck ton more work into my part time days than DP does into his 9-5 by the sound of it!

NorthEndGal · 13/04/2019 15:44

I'd embrace it.
Perhaps something similar to 'I was able to be able to focus fully on our growing family.
Now that we have passed the baby stage, and have care available, I'm able to turn that focus into my career again.'

NotFatTransslender · 13/04/2019 15:45

If they ask how you will manage if the kids are sick, sue them

One of my interviewers asked how my boyfriend felt about me getting a job out of the house!!!! I stupidly entered into discussion about how he was pleased for me and that it was the first step for us being able to move in together, but I really wish I'd told him to piss off!

GreenTulips · 13/04/2019 15:46

I have found most bosses to be family friendly. They recognise the skills needed to raise children. Look at how organised you need to be, how you automatically get up and sort things, budgeting skills, time management, juggling several things at once.

These are much sort after skills and woman in particular are gaining some recognition of this.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 13/04/2019 15:52

They ask for hobbies because it’s an easy way of guaging how easy it will be to force you to work overtime unpaid. If you have loads of hobbies clearly you have lots of free time that they can take advantage of is the reasoning.

I think that it’s best to mention your DD, make clear that you aren’t planning on anymore and who will be caring for her so that you won’t be taking days off etc. It’s shitty that employers think this way but at the same time it can be dispruptive if their employee is the main caring parent and is constantly asking for time off as a resultx

NewAccount270219 · 13/04/2019 15:52

The problem with the 'you don't want to work anywhere that isn't family friendly' advice is that it assumes that there are lots of lots of potential jobs that OP can get and choose between, but they may or may not be the case in her field. I've just got a new job - they had nearly 100 applications, almost all of them from people with the very specific and specialised skill set they wanted. I had applied for a lot of jobs that I didn't even get interviews for before that. I don't think they would have given it to me if they'd known I had a baby under 1 in advance, but I wasn't in a position to choose between multiple employers and pick the most family friendly.

Candleglow7475 · 13/04/2019 16:00

"I took some time out of work to care for a family member, but circumstances have changed and I'm ready to return now"

This is perfect^^ we recently had a good candidate who blustered and fudged her way through questions about a career gap, it would have been far better just to be honest. The 2 of us who were interviewing are parents, we get it!

ivykaty44 · 13/04/2019 16:00

Just tell them you had a career break, after that if they question you further they are well and truly overstepping the mark

Dillydallyingthrough · 13/04/2019 16:02

I would say caring for a family member. I said this in a interview almost 15 years ago. I applied to public sector roles, using the same examples for same roles - I only got the post I didn't mention my DD - so make of what you will....

I don't talk about my DD a lot at work anyway (I remember how boring it was listening to people talk about their children all day before I had DD - actually I still do!) so it was a little while before anyone knew I was a single parent with a baby. However, I have worked my way up so no longer have to account for a gap, but still never mention her through application/interview. I think there is a level of bias applied if you have children, even in the most diverse companies- public sector is great when you have a young child with multiple health issues. I think the companies were you can be really honest are very rare (you may go to 30 interviews until you manage to get one of these or never) or those that are desperate to have you because of a niche skills set.

Badbilly · 13/04/2019 16:04

I'm shocked that the OP is being asked about hobbies.

At interview employers are trying to build up a picture of the potential employee, and try to find other things that may be used as comparisons between 2 closely matched individuals apart from the obvious experience and qualifications. If candidate one said his/her hobbies were French poetry, knitting and art house cinema, and candidate two said his/her were pot-holing, mountaineering and sky-diving, then it gives an insight into the character of the interviewee, and also whether it poses any risk of absenteeism due to any inherent danger involved.

GreyBasket · 13/04/2019 16:08

Nobody has asked about hobbies in any of my recent job interviews. I didn't think anybody did nowadays.

I wouldn't worry too much about being a sahp. I guess the interviewer might be worried you'd take maternity leave soon but that is WRONG.

caughtinanet · 13/04/2019 16:17

It's been a while since I had a job interview and I'm really surprised that anyone would ask about hobbies unless you were 16 with no work experience and needed something to talk about. I think I'd laugh if asked that.

ScreamScreamIceCream · 13/04/2019 16:17

@Dillydallyingthrough similar happened to one of my sisters'. Her colleagues were then shocked about 5 years later when she mentioned that one of her children was going to secondary school.

In my case I've mentioned I have children I need to care for however I have skills that are in shortage in my industry.

RosaWaiting · 13/04/2019 16:29

I would say career break, or caring for a family member. Preferably the latter. You could also lie and say you were travelling.

I had a colleague who was about your age and found to have a child. She never mentioned the child, and I don't know if she lied to the interviewer or what. But it emerged during a medical emergency at work and she told me later that she didn't want to say she had a child because she feared she would be discriminated against, partly because of her age, and she didn't have childcare issues because she had a nanny and her parents to help out.

Some people were quite shocked, but it's nobody's fecking business what your family life is. "Time out" should be good enough. You could have been studying. I don't have DC and I've got two chunks of time out on CV, for no reason other than I fancied it and could afford it (couple of months though, so not hard to explain).

Lonecatwithkitten · 13/04/2019 16:35

Why do they ask about hobbies?
I my industry we have horrendous mental health issues, suicide rates are horrendous - it is essential to have hobbies to give you a good work life balance. Most hobbies have a mindfulness element to them enabling people to empty their brain of work and recharge.

jelliebelly · 13/04/2019 16:39

What kind of hiring manager is bothered bout hobbies these days? Easy to embellish the truth on that one. My employer hire a firm to check out qualifications, work history and confirm gaps so couldn't lie. Do you really want to work somewhere that is so inflexible?

Original poster

tolieornottolie · 13/04/2019 16:43

I my industry we have horrendous mental health issues

Hospitality?

OP posts:

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