To not allow my kids or anyone else's to be rude to me?

[daffalicious]

First off my DC are 10/ 12 and 20 so I have already experience of the change that comes over your kids thanks to hormones, moods etc.
All completely normal. They may try some back chat or a sulky tone/ groan/ excessive sighing/ outbursts.
But I always firmly remind them that we can talk about anything but I will NEVER EVER accept anyone being rude to me. Much less my own children who I work hard to provide for and love with every inch of my soul etc and in my own home..NO NEVER!
My go to line is "I'm fighting the world all day and will not come home to cook, clean and fight off rudeness from my children!"
We are all a bit dramatic and temperamental in our family but this firm line I have to maintain as I could not cope with what I see around my friends and their kids sometimes. I see this as first point of nipping in bud. A line that can never be crossed.

My kids friends are spoken to with respect in our house and if ever a gentle reminder that I appreciate a yes please or a no thank you..or a hello when shuffling through my kitchen.. it's only once and then their parents will remark with astonishment that their kids are always beautifully mannered at my house!

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend whose 2 daughters are so OTT rude that I just can't make any plans with her as I don't enjoy being in that situation where her kids are so rude to her and she constantly appeases them. (she also still immediately stops adult conversation every time they speak to her at age 10 and 14 so it's hard to having broken conversations) I just think if she would have squashed the tantrums at toddler age and insisted on basic respectfulness she wouldn't be suffering now. And she does suffer, they are stressful to interact with and she reads a lot of self help books to understand their behaviour. She thinks it's impossible to expect kids not to be rude to you and that not allowing them to express themselves will lead to disastrous consequences.
Other friends seem to just accept it's normal for kids and especially teenagers to be rude to you.

So AIBU since I feel like I'm going against the grain and demanding basic minimum manners and letting it be known I don't tolerate rudeness?

Everybody snaps now and then. What do you do after you have been rude? You apologise and then get on with your life.

If you demonstrate this as a parent children will follow your example. They may need prompting to apologise, or it may trigger a conversation about the issue they are facing.

However, laughing in the face of outright rudeness, allowing children to be rude and disrespectful is totally different. Even if name calling is allowed in your family if your child is rude to another adult, or child, then if they do not police themselves as a parent you need to step in.

This thread is about (in part) other people's children being rude to you and their parents doing nothing. This is clearly unacceptable behaviour.

I don’t mean the occasional flip out we are all human. I mean consistent utter rudeness from nt kids to their adoring parents who would do any thing for them. It’s depressingly common.

I remember my mum telling me ‘We can do this the easy way or the hard way’ when I turned into a grumpy teenager. My mum had something about her which you thought, ‘I’ll definitely give the easy way a try!’ We were allowed to shout and argue but only to an extent and only as we got older and life got harder. Home was our safe space where we could let steam off but when we reached the line my mum drew that was enough. Now we are able to let our feelings out and form opinions, which isn’t a bad thing. We are all still polite people with manners outside because we were taught the difference.
I do agree you have to have that line but where that line is drawn is down to the parent I think. Of course, being rude to people without reason to is never ok.

However, the majority of parents in their 20's & 30's, think that you shouldn't tap a child on the bottom, even if they are ruse to you/bite you/kick you etc. That is why there are loads of badly behaved brats about these days, imho. Parents are afraid to actually parent.

I am 33. I have 3 children! My eldest is hormonal. She may be rude to me occasionally - she knows full well I will not accept it! Yet I don't have to hit her to get my point across!
Smacking does not teach behaviour through respect. It teaches behaviour through fear!

Also, I would like to know when an adult is rude to me can I give them a slap? Why just children?

For the record my eldest DD has a condition that makes her bruise ridiculously easy. I couldn't smack her even if I agreed with it. I had to learn how to educate my child about respect and good behaviour without raising my hand.

Academically she is doing amazing, passed her 11+. Teachers are astonished at her learning ability and the way she sees things.
Behaviour she is a lovely child to have around. She gets invited to her friends houses and the parents always comment on how helpful and polite she is.
For reasons I will not put in this post, my DD has a hard life. A very sad part of her life. Yet she does not use this as an excuse to show bad behaviour.

All without so much of a tap in her childhood!

If you can't teach your child respect without a smack then I really think that says a lot about you as a person!

Are you using similar rules of politeness towards the children? Are you offering a please and a thank you as appropriate?. Are you using similar formality towards them as you expect towards you?
I’m not ok with treating children as lesser than adults.
Hear hear!