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AIBU?

His and his exes conservatory furniture

38 replies

Hulahoop14 · 12/04/2019 17:40

Hi, I’m new here, without sounding sad I’ve no one else really to ask this to!

I’m engaged, get married in September this year for the 2nd time. The beginning of this week, my fiancé came home from work (he works as an electrician) with some gorgeous conservatory furniture. We’ve needed some for a while, but having just paid our wedding off, we decided to wait a while before buying more. He said a customer at work was getting rid of it and asked him if it was any use to him. It needed sprucing up a bit, but as I’m good with my sewing machine, I said I would make more covers and it would be fine.

A day later I bumped into a friend of my brothers (who’s parents live down the road from my fiancé’s ex wife and kids), who asked if I liked the new furniture. I asked how he knew and he said that he’d helped my fiancé carry it up to his van from his ex’s garden! I immediately called my fiancé, who for about 5 minutes was adamant he’d got it from work, then finally admitted it was from the house he had with his ex wife!! I’ve asked him to take it away as I don’t want it, but he’s said I’m being daft and it’s juts furniture. I am hormonal at the moment, so can someone tell me, am I being unreasonable to not want furniture from his ex wife’s house?!

OP posts:

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cantthinkofanythingwitty · 12/04/2019 17:42

Yes YABU

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Hisnamesblaine · 12/04/2019 17:42

I see your point....ish. but im broke poor and if the furniture is nice and your changing the covers then whats the harm. Bit shady of him to lie tho

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RainbowWaffles · 12/04/2019 17:43

I wouldn’t care. I don’t really see the problem.

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Pinkcar21 · 12/04/2019 17:43

Yabu but I do get where you’re coming from. I’d still keep it, it’s petty to dump it now.

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Pinkrose13 · 12/04/2019 17:43

It’s not about the furniture. It’s the lies!

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Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 12/04/2019 17:44

It’s up to you but I’d be happy with the freebie! Don’t think I could build myself in to getting jealous over furniture.

Did she agree he could have it though? Very cheeky if he’s stolen it!

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FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 12/04/2019 17:44

So he lied because he knew you wouldn't be happy?

You'll be told YABU but I don't think many people would want furniture your dp shares with his ex!

He was being totally unreasonable to lie like that and it would make me doubt everything he says from now on!

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SparklyLeprechaun · 12/04/2019 17:44

Surely he has other stuff from his old home, he hasn't left empty handed? What's the difference?

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Bankofenglandfiver · 12/04/2019 17:44

i wouldn’t want it.

I know that’s illogical.

Did he live in the house with the furniture?

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Hoppinggreen · 12/04/2019 17:46

Wouldn’t mind having the furniture
Wouldn’t be happy he had lied about where it came from

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Kaddm · 12/04/2019 17:47

Yanbu
Your fiancé is a liar which is the more concerning thing.
I’d not want the furniture either. I’d sooner sit on the floor or get something very cheap from ikea.

Honestly this particular situation is petty but you can see how easily the lies roll off your fiancé’s tongue.

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bellabasset · 12/04/2019 17:48

No reason not to have the furniture but why wouldn't he say: Ex doesn't want our conservatory furniture and has asked if we would like it, and I would if you don't mind.

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HogMother · 12/04/2019 17:48

He was silly to lie about it, and this is what would be out of order for me. However he probably did it because you reacted the way you did. He predicted it, and didn’t want the agro.
Get some covers on it and enjoy it

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MissPollyHadADolly19 · 12/04/2019 17:48

I don't think yabu, I wouldn't want hand me downs from my DHs ex either but if you get on with her and have an amicable relationship then I would say maybe you slightly are being abit unreasonable.

But.. I'd be more pissed off at the fact he lied.

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llangennith · 12/04/2019 17:49

Are you upset that he lied about where it came from or because it's a link to his past?
Would you have been ok if he'd said, "ex said I can have our old conservatory furniture. What do you think?"
I don't think you're being completely unreasonable but I do think you're being a bit daft to turn away perfectly good furniture.

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FudgeBrownie2019 · 12/04/2019 17:49

I'd be pissed off at the lie, not at the furniture, and I'd want to know why he'd bother to tell the lie in the first place; why not just tell you?

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HJWT · 12/04/2019 17:51

YABU about the furniture YANBU about your DH LIEING to you, very childish...

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NeverHadANickname · 12/04/2019 17:52

Furniture wouldn't bother me but the lie would.

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CalmdownJanet · 12/04/2019 17:53

Yanbu. It wouldn't even be about the furniture for me but the lies and then the continued lie after you asked outright. I'd be so pissed off.

Does the ex know he was going to lie about it? Because that would send me over the edge if I thought my fiance and his ex were making a fucking eejit out of me like that

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YourSarcasmIsDripping · 12/04/2019 17:54

The furniture wouldn't bother me at all. I take a bargain where I can and couldn't care less where it's from.

The lie would piss me off though. 1. The actual lying . 2.That OH would assume I'd kick off over it and 3. What else is he lying about as to not "upset" me.

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Ribbonsonabox · 12/04/2019 17:55

YABU about the furniture. You are going to alter it with new covers and it's only for the conservatory it's not like it's going to be your bed or something!
But YANBU to be pissed off that he wasnt open about where he got it from.

I'd keep the furniture but I'd have a long chat about him being honest with you in future.

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sackrifice · 12/04/2019 17:56

I've used my OH's ex wife's dads old tools in my garden for the last 14 years. It never even crossed my mind that they were 'hers' and thus not to be used.

Honestly, this is nonsense. He probably lied because he knew your response would be ridiculous.

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ems137 · 12/04/2019 18:00

Wouldn't he have been nervous every time his kids came round that they'd say something?

It would be the lies that pissed me off but if he'd have asked me to start with I'd have said no thanks. I know it's probably totally ridiculous but I wouldn't want his ex wife's cast offs

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Figure8 · 12/04/2019 18:00

First- he's a grown man, he chose to lie.
Second- IF he lied for that reason tgen he was being manipulative.
I'd be cross too.

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minisoksmakehardwork · 12/04/2019 18:01

The issue is that your fiancé has lied about where it came from.

You're changing the covers and were otherwise ok with it so deal with the issues your dh's lie has raised - his fear of your reaction to things and your apparent dislike of his past.

When we begin a relationship, get married, buy a home, with another person unless very young, we need to understand that person will have had a life and maybe even lovers before us. I'm not saying you have to be besties with his ex. But accept that your oh has a past that you cannot change. It might include people you don't like. It might include people you don't much care for. But that past has made your oh the man you fell in love with.

My (now) dh has furniture from his house with his ex wife. He was using it when we got together and brought it with him when we moved in together. It was perfectly serviceable furniture and while some of it has now been changed for practical reasons, it was dh's as much as it was his ex's. But then I might have a different outlook to some as when we were house hunting, I found a lovely house which was the the top end of our budget but we could have raised our family there happily. Dh told me it was a house he and his ex had previously lived in and asked if I'd find it weird. In the end even though there had been some structural changes, he found it a lot weirder than me so we didn't go for it.