His and his exes conservatory furniture

[Hulahoop14]

Hi, I’m new here, without sounding sad I’ve no one else really to ask this to!

I’m engaged, get married in September this year for the 2nd time. The beginning of this week, my fiancé came home from work (he works as an electrician) with some gorgeous conservatory furniture. We’ve needed some for a while, but having just paid our wedding off, we decided to wait a while before buying more. He said a customer at work was getting rid of it and asked him if it was any use to him. It needed sprucing up a bit, but as I’m good with my sewing machine, I said I would make more covers and it would be fine.

A day later I bumped into a friend of my brothers (who’s parents live down the road from my fiancé’s ex wife and kids), who asked if I liked the new furniture. I asked how he knew and he said that he’d helped my fiancé carry it up to his van from his ex’s garden! I immediately called my fiancé, who for about 5 minutes was adamant he’d got it from work, then finally admitted it was from the house he had with his ex wife!! I’ve asked him to take it away as I don’t want it, but he’s said I’m being daft and it’s juts furniture. I am hormonal at the moment, so can someone tell me, am I being unreasonable to not want furniture from his ex wife’s house?!

[MitziK]

Meh. DP sleeps in the bed I nobbed my exes in. He doesn't know, probably thinks I changed the mattress at least. But it cost a fucking fortune, I paid for it, like it and he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Looking forward to replacing it in the next or so, though.

After all, nobody ever sits in conservatory furniture more than a couple of times, other than the cat.

Presumably he paid at least half, so they're as much his, his ex presumably doesn't want them/her half and you've changed them. They're no different to the customer not wanting them in his story or getting them from a charity shop or Gumtree.

[Purpleartichoke]

My DH uses furniture my ex and I bought together.

But I didn’t lie about it. I also got rid of the few things that did bother him.

[GoldenPineapples]

I don't think I'd want furniture that my soon to be dh might have shagged his ex on.

No it's not a bed but people do shag on other furniture too, especially sofas etc..

[Doghorsechicken]

I don’t care about the furniture, I’ve still left wallpaper up and used furniture from DH’s ex. It doesn’t really bother me. What would bother me is the lie!

[Justmuddlingalong]

It's conservatory furniture, not their martial bed.

[TripleSeptic]

YABU, you're alright marrying her ex, but not sitting on her admittedly gorgeous ex conservatory furniture? I'd bin him and try to bag a virgin who lives at home with his parents. I suspect he didn't tell you because he knew how you'd react. You sound a bit high maintenance TBH. sorry!

[DitheringBlidiot]

I think he probably lied because he knew you might not be super happy about it. Conservatory furniture is fine off an ex, not like it’s a bed etc

[TheGodmother]

@PlainSpeakingStraightTalking maybe that's because you've never been in a relationship with a liar! And that's a big whacking lie, involving the kids too.

What else do they lie about??

It's not that black and white.

[PlainSpeakingStraightTalking]

@Mitzimaybe

I may or may not keep the furniture depending on whether I liked it, but the lies would be a dealbreaker for me

Oh ffs!! So you keep the ex wifes furniture but bin the bloke?.

You couldn't write the absolute bollox on this forum if you were scripting EastEnders

[ShaggyRug]

Where the furniture came from wouldn’t bother me. That he’d lied to me would really bother me. Hugely. I cannot abide liars.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I'd be worried about the lies but if I could spruce up the furniture so it was my taste I would have coped with that.

[Mitzimaybe]

I may or may not keep the furniture depending on whether I liked it, but the lies would be a dealbreaker for me. Why did he lie? What else is he lying about?

[LindaLa]

My ex-dh had an ercol table that belonged to his dad.
When I moved, I asked ex if he wanted to take it and his gf said "I don't want anything that has been near that woman or her house"
I heard her say it over the phone.

Told him I'd dispose of it and gave it to a local charity.

She is petty but you seem to have bigger issues here.

[minisoksmakehardwork]

The issue is that your fiancé has lied about where it came from.

You're changing the covers and were otherwise ok with it so deal with the issues your dh's lie has raised - his fear of your reaction to things and your apparent dislike of his past.

When we begin a relationship, get married, buy a home, with another person unless very young, we need to understand that person will have had a life and maybe even lovers before us. I'm not saying you have to be besties with his ex. But accept that your oh has a past that you cannot change. It might include people you don't like. It might include people you don't much care for. But that past has made your oh the man you fell in love with.

My (now) dh has furniture from his house with his ex wife. He was using it when we got together and brought it with him when we moved in together. It was perfectly serviceable furniture and while some of it has now been changed for practical reasons, it was dh's as much as it was his ex's. But then I might have a different outlook to some as when we were house hunting, I found a lovely house which was the the top end of our budget but we could have raised our family there happily. Dh told me it was a house he and his ex had previously lived in and asked if I'd find it weird. In the end even though there had been some structural changes, he found it a lot weirder than me so we didn't go for it.

[Figure8]

First- he's a grown man, he chose to lie.
Second- IF he lied for that reason tgen he was being manipulative.
I'd be cross too.

[ems137]

Wouldn't he have been nervous every time his kids came round that they'd say something?

It would be the lies that pissed me off but if he'd have asked me to start with I'd have said no thanks. I know it's probably totally ridiculous but I wouldn't want his ex wife's cast offs

[sackrifice]

I've used my OH's ex wife's dads old tools in my garden for the last 14 years. It never even crossed my mind that they were 'hers' and thus not to be used.

Honestly, this is nonsense. He probably lied because he knew your response would be ridiculous.

[Ribbonsonabox]

YABU about the furniture. You are going to alter it with new covers and it's only for the conservatory it's not like it's going to be your bed or something!
But YANBU to be pissed off that he wasnt open about where he got it from.

I'd keep the furniture but I'd have a long chat about him being honest with you in future.

[YourSarcasmIsDripping]

The furniture wouldn't bother me at all. I take a bargain where I can and couldn't care less where it's from.

The lie would piss me off though. 1. The actual lying . 2.That OH would assume I'd kick off over it and 3. What else is he lying about as to not "upset" me.

[CalmdownJanet]

Yanbu. It wouldn't even be about the furniture for me but the lies and then the continued lie after you asked outright. I'd be so pissed off.

Does the ex know he was going to lie about it? Because that would send me over the edge if I thought my fiance and his ex were making a fucking eejit out of me like that

[NeverHadANickname]

Furniture wouldn't bother me but the lie would.

[HJWT]

YABU about the furniture YANBU about your DH LIEING to you, very childish...

[FudgeBrownie2019]

I'd be pissed off at the lie, not at the furniture, and I'd want to know why he'd bother to tell the lie in the first place; why not just tell you?

[llangennith]

Are you upset that he lied about where it came from or because it's a link to his past?
Would you have been ok if he'd said, "ex said I can have our old conservatory furniture. What do you think?"
I don't think you're being completely unreasonable but I do think you're being a bit daft to turn away perfectly good furniture.

[MissPollyHadADolly19]

I don't think yabu, I wouldn't want hand me downs from my DHs ex either but if you get on with her and have an amicable relationship then I would say maybe you slightly are being abit unreasonable.

But.. I'd be more pissed off at the fact he lied.