Can't cope with my house - AIBU?

[inarut35]

I moved into a new house about 18 months ago. It's a typical two-bedroom terrace, with a fairly large garden. I feel very lucky to have finally bought my own place - it's taken years of hard graft to get here. It's also a very lovely house overall. However, there is a but...

The problem is I'm having real difficulty keeping on top of the housework and maintenance. The decor is liveable in but very tired - almost all the rooms need painting and holes in the plasterwork filling in.

My brother kindly painted a couple of rooms for me as a housewarming gift, but he's by no means a professional and the paint is already starting to flake off and is marked in places. I've tried calling a few decorators but no one seems to get back to me - they all seem so busy and in demand!

There are also things like internal doors and skirting boards that need replacing, the fence in the garden has collapsed into next door's, the floorboards are really scruffy and need sanding and varnishing, I have a load of paintings that need to be framed and put up, plus the gardens (front and back) are a total mess with very little in the way of flowers/colour at the moment.

Oh, and did I mention that there's mould inside one of the kitchen cupboards (which I never use as a result), all the windows are filthy inside and out AND I currently have ants coming into the kitchen from a nest outside?!

I suppose I just don't know where to even begin with it all really - keeping on top of it feels like an insurmountable task as my day job is very busy. I just want the house to be "done" but I feel overwhelmed and like it's never going to happen. I'm also dreadful at DIY so sanding floors and painting walls are not the sort of jobs I feel confident in doing myself.

I can't hire a cleaner as I don't have any spare cash at the moment - so it's all down to me.

How can I gain control of this house?

I also follow lots of lovely home decor sites on Instagram (like Apartment Therapy) and feel so inadequate when I see all those gorgeous interiors!

Make a list of whats the most important things and work through it.

You can do it and you will get there eventually.

Tackle the big things first, which for me would be the ants, mould and fence. Have a word with the neighbour about the fence - is it their fence? Is it a case of get them to sort it and go 50-50 with the cost?

Figure out where the ants are coming in and get any holes filled and any killer down. Mouldy cupboard - scrub it, bleach it, check for damp.

You mentioned looking at decorators but personally I’d probably use that cash to get a cleaner to do a one off deep clean (including inside windows) then you can feel like you’re more on top of things. I wouldn’t look to decorating until those ther issues are tackled anyway. Once they’re sorted work your way through each room, starting with whichever one you see as most important.

You can do it yourself! Seriously, painting walls is really really easy and I'm baffled that able-bodied non-bazillionaires actually pay other people to do it for them. Youtube is full of videos that will show you how. Same with other basic DIY (sanding, filling in holes, etc).

Honestly, if I can do this stuff then anyone can. You just need to make a list and then work through it, one weekend at at time.

Once the house looks how you want it to look, keeping on top of cleaning etc will be a lot easier as you won't be trying to clean around works in progress and you'll want your own lovely decoration to look its best.

I am in a similar situation a few years down the line and feel your pain. It is hard.

Can you take a few days off work and blitz it? Sounds like you have a damp problem (hence the paint flaking off) so you need to work out where it's coming from.

There will be some things like the floorboards that aren't urgent and you can probably leave for a while (or years, if you're like me).

Deal with the basic health and safety issues first, clean and get rid of the mould, fix the fence, the rest is cosmetic and can be done as and when.

I would make everything as clean, tidy and organised as possible. I’d try and do a bit a day until it’s all clean.

Deal with the fence because that impacts upon your neighbour. If the gardens are under control, that will look nice, even if they’re lacking colour.

Once all the basics are sorted, I’d try and tackle a room at a time.

First job find out why there is mould in the cupboard. Scrub it out and look for any obvious cause. Disinfect it and leave the door open to let it dry out.

Pick one room to do - then write a to do list for that room. Anyone can paint, you can hire sanders for a weekend and maybe ask friends/family to come and help? Wait for bank holidays as most DIY shops tend to have sales/offers on those weekends.

For the rooms that have flaky paint - is there a damp proof course? You might need to use a base coat of damp paint in the areas that are flaking.

Watch YouTube videos on how to do stuff yourself. I recently filled a large hole with plaster patches, skimmed it, cut and fixed skirting boards and papered a room. It’s worth the effort and I have a very small budget too!

And discuss whose responsibility the fence is with your neighbour and try to get that done first.

Start with the little things that will make a big impact. Now the weathers cheered up a bit, things will be easier.

Washing windows - get some window spray and a cloth for the inside, and a bucket of soapy water for the outside.
Mow the lawns - a garden instantly looks better with neat grass. Pull up any weeds of plants you don't want anymore, and cut right back anything overgrown.
Mouldy cupboard - Bucket of soapy/bleach water to clean the cupboard out. Use an old toothbrush to get right into the corners.
Ants- why are they coming in, are there crumbs or dirty dishes left around? Spray vinegar along the paths to stop them coming in. To get rid of the nest, you may have to kill them unfortunately - soapy water or vinegar or ant poison.

Agree sort out the mould first and anything else that needs fixing. Then concentrate on one room at a time instead of looking at the bigger picture. It takes time, money and effort to do the whole house and it can be overwhelming but if you do one room for now then move on to the next I’m sure it will help you feel better.

First buy some mold and mildew spray and clean that cupboard.
Next i would do the windows as that will help the place feel brighter.

Doors and skirting i can't help with, but do you have DIY capable friend who could help that you could pay in the form of a takeaway/beer? That's we do with my stepdad.

Painting is a bit daunting but take it a room at a time, dust, dust sheets down, leave a good 4hrs between coats to make sure it'a dry or it'll lift.

Or for now until you can afford a decorator, buy new cushions/throws to freshen the place up? Buy frames from ebay and use those command strips to hang your pictures, much easier and mess free than nails!.

Garden can wait until the weather is a bit better, get a mower and just keep the grass trimmed for now, then when it's nice get yourself a drink and spend some time casually doing some weeding while enjoying the warmth. Do you have any friends with older kids who might help for some pocket money?

I lived in a terraced house once, they can either be lovely or they can awful if they haven't been maintained and problems aren't kept on top of.
I agree with the poster above, you need to make a list and prioritise what needs doing. I would suggest doing one room at a time. Either bedroom or living room first so you have somewhere nice to relax, then move on to the other things. Get something to treat the mould in the kitchen cupboards. If I were you, I would leave the garden until last, over the summer months when it's nice weather to be out doing things.

Decorating can be done cheaply, you don't have to spend a fortune to put some life into a room. Choose a few colours/themes you like and run with them. My current choice of decor is Crown Sail White paint throughout, with colourful accessories etc. I have a red sofa and a lovely patterned red chair that I bought for an absolute bargain on Facebook marketplace that really add some life to the room. Rugs are good for adding colour/patterns and will also cover floorboards. Try asking on local facebook groups if anybody can recommend a decorator and somebody to do the other jobs.

Get rid of the ants, you'll be able to buy something to get rid, or contact pest control (if that's what it's called) to destroy the nest. Get a window cleaner to do the windows outside which will save you half the job.

It doesn't happen overnight, it will take some time but it doesn't have to be ridiculously expensive or take forever.

Good luck!

Reach out to friends and family and say you’re struggling. I’d help someone I loved to get on top of things for their own MH.

Maybe organise a blitz party for those willing to help, put someone organised in charge, have a good day at it then have in some wine/beer and order in pizzas as a thank you.

Once it’s clean it’ll be easier to prioritise the jobs but mould and ants are the top two. I’d also look at removing any broken fence even if you don’t fix meantime, just in case it’s a hazard if there’s stormy weather.

Mould and ants first. Google/YouTube ideas for mould . My best ant killer is from Amazon Neudorff Refillable Ant Bait Station and I buy these at the start of the year. Take s a few days but they die.

Then the fence, you need to ask people in your area who they've used, or ask at the local timber merchant or hardware store ( they often have adverts) or try website 'nextdoor' for recommendations. Painting is hard work but it doesn't cost much, get own brand paint from Homebase or B&Q and decent roller/brushes. If you really want to use a decorator then ask around as before. You can also replace skirting boards etc your self, I did it in my first 2 houses. Just take it slowly.

You sound overwhelmed but as others say, make a list

Take a notebook and walk through the house and writedown everything that needs doing. Then either tackle it by category or room. Set aside an afternoon or evening each month to plan what needs to be done next. So thats when you write your shopping list, check what tools you have, watch youtube vidoes, make sure there is food in the freezer, book help from friends and family. Assign a weekend for tasks xyz and go and get the materials on the way home from work a couple of days before.

Clean the windows, then clean a room at a time. Make a list of what needs doing. Look on selling sites for things you need that you can buy second hand, sometimes you get stuff left over from building jobs. Do a little bit at a time.

Mine is the same. My ex bodged the house and knocked walls down and left things half done. Now I'm a single working mum and it's all too much. The whole house needs so much doing it's unmanageable but I have started making these lists and sorting out things I can actually do myself. I does make you feel fed up and makes you not be proud and then you don't bother as much with housework. It sounds so much like me.

Could you put rugs down over the worst of the floorboards?
A Window cleaner may have a round in your area - might be an excuse to knock in to yiue neighbors and find out can the recommend one to you.

I recently made a list of things that need done in our house. Quite depressing how long it was but also good to see what small/cheap/easy jobs we can get on with ourselves without having to get someone else to do it. And also to think £50 one month could sort x/y/z.

Start off simple and cheap. The things that jumped out at me were...

Get some ant traps www.amazon.co.uk/Stop-Station-Home-Defence-Stopper/dp/B004P2TZK0?tag=mumsnetforu03-21
It will take 5 minutes to get them down and then you don’t need to do anything else. An easy solution for an annoying problem.

Get some mould and mildew spray to sort out the kitchen cupboard. Even if you don’t think the cupboard will be usable, at least some of the mould will be gone and you will stop it getting worse.

It’s a good time to attack weeds in the garden before they take hold for the summer. I bought a pump spray which makes getting weed killer down much quicker and easier than a normal 1litre spray. Look on Pinterest/instagram for easy garden ideas. I’m also hoping to get some summer and autumn bulbs planted/in pots soon.

For £20-30 and 1-2 hours you could get those jobs started.

They are boring jobs but jobs that will stop problems getting worse and probably quite satisfying once done.

Another thing OP don’t be too hard on yourself. We’ve been in our mid-terrace for 12 years and have only just about got in top of everything decor wise. it’ll need done from be start again imce we’re finished

Another tip- declutter ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING you don’t intend keeping long term.

I think for most people their houses are never done. I know ours certainly isn’t and we are a good few years in.
Best thing to do is write a list. And start to work through it.

Go room to room with a notebook.

List every thing that needs doing.

Then from that split the list into what to buy, what a professional needs to do and what you can do now.

Painting is fairly easy and if you are unsure there are YouTube videos to help.

But obviously you can’t do the painting until you have plastered.

Once you know what you need and in what order it will feel a lot more manageable

So first job is stop looking at Instagram! Honestly, it isn't your friend right now.

Plus sides - you've a whole weekend ahead of you, and next weekend is bank holiday - so lots of time to crack on and break the back of it. Agree with others - do cleaning this weekend. I wouldn't worry about decorating yet - just do windows, mould, and ants.

Ants - do you know where they are? If so, and you can, pour boiling water on them. Sorry Ants.

Windows - If you can afford, I would recommend a Karcher window vac thing - you can get them off Amazon, just one of the cheaper ones - good with really filthy windows, as you use soapy water and a cloth with them rather than window spray and dry cloth.

I wouldn't worry about garden other than give it a mow if you can - it's only April. Generally received wisdom is you leave an inherited garden for a full year anyway, to see what might be in there. You don't want to accidentally rip something lovely out.

I agree with Ipswichwitch - work out which are the most important things and deal with them first. Then the rest of it won't seem so overwhelming.

You WILL get on top of it and the housework can be done a little each day. Then you can enjoy your house. Good luck.

Oh and I’d ask neighbours about a window cleaner