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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can't cope with my house - AIBU?

81 replies

inarut35 · 12/04/2019 11:49

I moved into a new house about 18 months ago. It's a typical two-bedroom terrace, with a fairly large garden. I feel very lucky to have finally bought my own place - it's taken years of hard graft to get here. It's also a very lovely house overall. However, there is a but...

The problem is I'm having real difficulty keeping on top of the housework and maintenance. The decor is liveable in but very tired - almost all the rooms need painting and holes in the plasterwork filling in.

My brother kindly painted a couple of rooms for me as a housewarming gift, but he's by no means a professional and the paint is already starting to flake off and is marked in places. I've tried calling a few decorators but no one seems to get back to me - they all seem so busy and in demand!

There are also things like internal doors and skirting boards that need replacing, the fence in the garden has collapsed into next door's, the floorboards are really scruffy and need sanding and varnishing, I have a load of paintings that need to be framed and put up, plus the gardens (front and back) are a total mess with very little in the way of flowers/colour at the moment.

Oh, and did I mention that there's mould inside one of the kitchen cupboards (which I never use as a result), all the windows are filthy inside and out AND I currently have ants coming into the kitchen from a nest outside?!

I suppose I just don't know where to even begin with it all really - keeping on top of it feels like an insurmountable task as my day job is very busy. I just want the house to be "done" but I feel overwhelmed and like it's never going to happen. I'm also dreadful at DIY so sanding floors and painting walls are not the sort of jobs I feel confident in doing myself.

I can't hire a cleaner as I don't have any spare cash at the moment - so it's all down to me.

How can I gain control of this house?

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 12/04/2019 12:32

Make a list.
Prioritise that list.
Decide what tasks you can do and what ones you need a professional to do.
Start on the ones you can do.
Get recommendations about professionals who can do the other ones.
Relax - these things take time

CrazyAllAroundMe · 12/04/2019 12:34

Hi,

Congratulations on the house :)

Try not to stress just break things down into do-ables. This is when Instagram is an enemy. Or all social media. I could easy picture a few corners with some shiny bits in and hide some mess and make my home look immaculate. It's far from it. My garden was beautiful 2 years ago and now it's a mess as I neglected it didn't cut back etc as I have no clue! It's normal to have a house that's not showroom standard honestly. Maybe follow DIY on a budget on fb. It's a lot more achievable than the insta homes but scroll back for ideas there are literally thousands.

Ants.. Buy some ant powder for the nest and run a line outside the door to stop them coming in.
Windows.. Pound shop toothbrushes and some mould and mildew spray if needed. One window a day inside and jobs are done in no time. Outside wait for a sunny day bucket and sponge on the upvc then a minky dry cloth to shine the glass.

Do everything one room, one job at a time whether it's cleaning or decorating there's really no rush it's too overwhelming.

Locally to me there are odd job men who advertise on fb with hourly rates. Do you have groups like that? If someone is charging 15an hour I'd save up a solid 2hrs of jobs and book them in (change a light fitting/put up a curtain pole/paint one coat on ceiling for example)but don't underestimate what you can do yourself. Confidence comes with experience. I sanded/painted my whole bannister and skirting it took me months but now the hall woodwork is immaculate and my fave part of my house :) its my prettiest area. I researched the materials and colours etc and went for it little and often it started looking worse before it looked better too!

Good luck

BlueJava · 12/04/2019 12:35

Make a list and then tackle on a room by room basis. If I need to do a room I take a week off work, start by moving everything out and de-griming/prepping it (sanding, filling in holes, dealing with mould etc.) and then decorate it. I always pre-order and book the flooring fitter as I then absolutely have to finish it in time for the flooring to be laid!

CMOTDibbler · 12/04/2019 12:39

For me number one priority would be dealing with the damp - are you drying laundry inside? Make sure you keep lids on pans, shut kitchen and bathroom doors and open windows or use extractor fans in them. Make sure trickle vents and air bricks are open and unblocked. Dettol mould and mildew remover for the kitchen cupboard.
You might want to get a dehumidifier as they can make a huge difference in a small house.

Then the ants - those bait stations someone else linked to up thread are brilliant and will deal with it right away.

Then choose a room and start by cleaning like a demon which will go a long way. Then watch a youtube video and paint the wall, skirting and door. It really is easy to do - if its not totally perfect it doesn't matter, you'll get better everytime.

We used to do a lot of decorating parties with friends - it just cost the host the price of beer and a meal and we got so much done. Including memorably changing the entire floorboards of the downstairs of a house one weekend

RhubarbTea · 12/04/2019 12:39

I completely understand the mentality behind this sort of situation, I rent but I am still the same and if I owned I would be 10 x worse. The oppressive, claustrophobic feeling of all the jobs jostling for position until you feel like you are drowning in them, and feeling inadequate about how many of the jobs you can tackle yourself without needing help yet not having money.
It's having the mental energy, and the fact that some people - and I think we might be the same here - have their mental energy sapped hugely by living in a cluttered or dirty environment in a state of disrepair. It's ironic but there it is. I TOTALLY get you.

Re: feeling confident to do the work yourself, I think this is part of the above problem. I think honestly if your house was decluttered, clean, you had lots of time (a long weekend) ahead of you and the right tools, youtube open on the laptop for how-to vids, you would not have a problem with painting rooms or sanding floorboards. These things are infinitely manageable. They are also fun! You take it step by step, clean, sand, wipe, prime, paint. But if you are in that cluttered 'aaargh!' head-space, it can feel insurmountable.

The way I work is I give myself the give of satisfaction by getting one thing completely done. It can be anything. In your case, I would buy some mould and mildew remover spray (I think mine is by Dettol?) from the cleaning aisle and tackle those cupboards. That's it. If you can work out why they are damp, so much the better. In my last rental, I couldn't use the kitchen cupboards because the extractor fan for the cooker was fitted really poorly and it was essentially just a badly fitting plastic tube with gaps in leading to a hole in the exterior wall. There was a gutter which overflowed down that side of the house, because it was blocked, so the water ran down the wall, and the shitty venting system meant it ran straight into the hole and made the cupboards damp. It can be immensely satisfying working this stuff out, so treat it as a detective puzzle and a challenge and slowly but surely smash the hell out of each of the jobs on your list. You'll get there.

And Instagram can be helpful sometimes, but as someone said, maybe right now it's not helping. So until you have a repaired, clean dry blank canvas of a house and are ready to start painting and sanding, maybe step away from IG.

HogMother · 12/04/2019 12:41

Agree with ants and mound first. Google is your friend for most jobs too.
Also agree that when the weather is good, it’s much easier to come home, open the window so and give a coat of paint to a room before bed. The fumes should clear quite quickly.
The deep clean idea was a good one. Then new paint will stick nicely, which may be why the last attempt is peeling already.
We bought a tired house, and it’s a long job, but the kids slow us down... I’d rather be playing out with them than stripping paper.
Also clear the garden on a nice day, and buy one plant every so often, and it will soon look lovely, if that’s your thing.

missbattenburg · 12/04/2019 12:48

I totally get this. I moved into a house that was great condition but even so, there still seems like a thousand jobs.

What I found useful was a list - it's a looong list of every single job I want to get done. From "re carpet upstairs" down to "plant tulips in the garden". Each job has an estimated cost.

I just tick them off as I go. The total list and costs seem huge but I am about 25% through both. It helps because sometimes I can look for a job that is cheap, or I can look for a job that is easy for me to do, or a job in a specific room I don't like. I just keep working through them.

Something that also helped was getting the lounge done. Having 1 room that is entirely to my taste and comfort means I can relax in there in the evening. Perhaps focus on a single room first and just tick through those jobs?

Oh, and painting really is easy. Just do all the prep work right (remove everything from the walls, remove or bundle furniture in the middle, wash walls, fill holes, sand, tape edges) and the actual painting bit is super easy.

CottonSock · 12/04/2019 12:48

I often feel overwhelmed by my house, but it's a life long project not a few months. A friend told me those wise words when we moved in..

Buy and traps and a dehumidifier. I could not manage without either.

CottonSock · 12/04/2019 12:48

Ant traps sorry

Seniorschoolmum · 12/04/2019 12:50

I’m a full time working single mum and I’ve found the easiest way to deal with house work is to do it in the morning.

Get up 30 mins earlier & do a room each morning. Honestly, you can hoover, dust and do any other stuff in 30 mins, then in the shower & get ready for work. If I left it until the evening, I just didn’t feel like it.

AlunWynsKnee · 12/04/2019 12:50

Fence, ants and mould are your priorities. You can do the inside windows easily and get a window cleaner to come and do the outside.
Put rugs on the floor and make a list of jobs like the hole filling and picture hanging (you can buy frames online and put the pictures in yourself) and get a handyman in for half a day to work through the list. They may even paint in which case watch what they do.
The paint peeling off is a bit odd. Suggests either poor quality paint or the walls weren't clean or dry when it went on. You might need to wash the walls down with sugar soap before painting if they're greasy.

outpinked · 12/04/2019 12:56

Make a list for what needs doing in each room and tackle one room at a time.

Sort the mould and ants first as they are immediate issues that need resolving. Either buy ant killer/traps or alternatively try natural solutions (plenty of advice on google). I had ants once and I basically poured cinnamon and bleach all around the doorframe where they were getting in- they never returned. They LOVE tiny crumbs so make sure you sweep and mop regularly and don’t leave crumbs on the worktops. Mould I would personally recommend Poundland’s mould spray! It’s always worked well for me.

I wouldn’t waste money on a decorator personally, it’d be a better investment to get a cleaner to help you keep on top of cleaning. Google to find a local window cleaner too or ask your neighbours who they use.

Then just go room by room sorting one thing at a time. If you have two days a week off work then use those days or book a holiday off to get it all tackled.

RosaWaiting · 12/04/2019 13:06

are you being a perfectionist about it and trying to do too much?

is it a standards thing? When I bought my first flat, I said to my parents how pleased I was that it didn't need anything doing.

when they first saw it they said "but it needs complete redecoration"! They are the sort who will do a full repaint every 5 years. So according to their standards, sure, but not mine. I consider that a waste of time and effort and I was working 2 jobs to buy the place anyway.

also agree painting is very easy, but you might have to accept it won't be perfect. I probably wouldn't attempt to wallpaper without help.

Margot33 · 12/04/2019 13:07

Concentrate on the important things like the ants, fence and mould. When that's sorted, do one room at a time. I would look at getting downstairs finished before upstairs. It's always taken me around five years to complete a house. Don't despair. Enjoy your new home.

BlueSkiesLies · 12/04/2019 13:09

Oh it is so easy to be overwhelmed when there are lots of house jobs to do.

I second making a detailed list.

Then work out priority, and any inter-dependencies (like e.g. you might need to skim a room before you can paint it if the plaster is super bad).

Work out what you can do yourself. And what ind of tradesperson you need for others.

There is so much knowledge on YouTube, you really can do more than you think.

Are there any 'quick and easy and cheap' wins? Do you have a friend (or your bro?) to help prioritize?

Pharlapwasthebest · 12/04/2019 13:14

To get rid of ants, mix equal amounts of water and vinegar, and then add a couple of drops of aromatherapy oil to make it smell better. Spray this literally around where they are coming in, the smell confuses them.

Bringbackthestripes · 12/04/2019 13:15

I have a list as long as your arm and because it’s so long not a lot actually gets done!

No 1 job -Spray mound remover or flash bleach in the kitchen cupboard and leave it for a few days before wiping it out, re spraying and wiping out again.

No 2 get some ant killer and pit it down where they are coming in.

No3 sort the fence. This is affecting neighbours so they are going to be getting annoyed.

Tired decor is no big deal. As pp suggested write a room by room list of everything you would like to have done and start with the smallest and cheapest thing first. Once you have a couple of things ticked off you will feel lots of satisfaction which will give you a boost to not be so overwhelmed by the long list.

Congratulations on your new home, every house I’ve ever owned has been a constant work in progress. Stop looking at the perfection on instagram!

comparison is the thief of joy

MitziK · 12/04/2019 13:22

You've got a lovely house, which is all yours, the result of your hard work. It just needs some attention.

  1. Sort the fence. That affects both you and your neighbours and has implications for security.
  1. Whilst you are out there, put ant powder down against the edge of the house.
  1. Make a cuppa.
  1. When you've had your cuppa, wash the mug up so it's ready for your next one.
  1. Look for the place the ants seem to be emerging from. Put some ant powder down (of course, ensuring that there isn't sugar, etc, spilled there first, as they'll be looking for food).
  1. Open the cupboard. Is it wet mould? Is it against the back wall? Is there a water pipe running behind/above it? Is it dry, dusty mould, as you'd get if somebody left food in there? If so, open the door, scrub it out, including the door and edges with a small amount of very hot water, washing up liquid and a squirt of bleach, dry it thoroughly and leave the door open to air it.

Could it be removed? (It's normally a simple task to take them off the wall if you have somebody else to help take the weight of it, assuming it's a double - if it's a single, you can do it by yourself). If it's a floor cupboard, it's not so simple, but a temporary measure could be to take the door off, clean it thoroughly and see whether there is a leak behind or under it by putting newspaper down. Any dampness on the paper should give you an idea of the wettest area. You can cover the door by putting in two cup hooks and a wire, putting a small curtain over it. It's a bit retro, but ensures there's free air movement. It's possible the leak is underneath - for that, you need to unclip the kickboard carefully (so you don't snap it passive aggressively glares at DP) and look.

  1. Make another cuppa. You've done enough for the day in dealing with fence, ants and cupboard.

You've now sorted at least partially, three things.

If you are tidy and the place is not actually cluttered, I would definitely agree with others that it's worth the money to pay for a one off clean. Yes, it's an expense, but the amount of work two cleaners can do in four hours is immense - as long as they can get to everything to clean it.

If it's cluttered, you need to sort that first, as that'll be affecting you as much as the grime, but if not, let's prioritise.

  1. Open your bedroom window if you can. Fresh air, even for twenty minutes before you think 'Christ, it's getting a bit parky in here!' is important.
  1. Make your bed with fresh linen. You sleep here. You deserve to sink into a clean bed.
  1. Clean the bathroom. You need that so you can get clean.

You can then do whatever it is you do in the day, have a bath or shower and then get into a clean, fresh bed each night. It's worth it.

On the next day you have time to do something:

  1. Clear around a window. Just one of them if you don't think you have the energy to deal with more than that - it's better to complete one task/window than overwhelm yourself with all of them. If you have nets, take it down and shove in the bath with some washing powder/liquid dissolved in warm water. It'll be foul, don't worry about it, it'll be fine in there. Or shove it in the washing machine on a cold wash - the one for wool or silk will do it.
  1. Get a bowl, sponge, one of the sponges with a scouring side, a bucket, an old towel and some nice smelling washing up liquid. If you are near a hardware shop/corner shop that sells it (mine does), you could get sugar soap, as that's designed to clean years of grime and grease off surfaces - but if not, washing up liquid and hot water is perfectly adequate for what you're going to be doing.
  1. Fill the bowl with the hottest water you can touch and a small squirt of washing up liquid. Half fill the bucket with clean, warm water (for your comfort). Lay the old towel on the windowsill.
  1. Start at the top of the window and, using the scrubbing sponge well squeezed out, start circling at the top of the frame. It'll be minging. My house is clean, but the window cleaning water always looks dirty because I don't have time or the inclination to do it more than every other month. Rinse the sponge with each pass in the bucket, squeeze out, dip in the clean , soapy water, squeeze and continue.
  1. When you're about 1/3 down, go back to the top and focus on the frame and the little corners where the glass meets the frame, getting mucky drips off.
  1. Continue like this until you've reached the sill. Use the old towel to wipe over, give the sill, both the flat bit and underneath, a good clean, then tip the dirty water from both bowl and bucket down the loo, flush and you have a window that is immaculate inside. Outside can be another day (and I'd recommend getting a windowcleaner to do them anyway - I'm too old to want to be hanging out of upstairs windows to try and get them as clean as a bloke with a pole can do in 5 minutes).
  1. Have a cuppa.
  1. Swish the net around in rinses of water, squeeze out (don't wring it), and replace as soon as it is barely damp, rather than dripping.
  1. Repeat with the nearest door, another window you can reach easily, whatever, when you feel you can do it.
  1. Remember, you are getting years of dirt off, not making it a pure, gleaming surface with just a squirt of some crappy green spray - they aren't designed to cope with old dirt.

Picture frames can be done when you are ready to face a trip to IKEA. Store the pictures safely in the wardrobe for the time being, so they don't get damaged before they are framed.

You can do the garden when it's warmer - in the meantime, if you have a spare fiver, get a couple of smallish pot plants or some brightly coloured flowers and put them in the clean window. This is the entire reason why supermarkets sell them.

It's obviously taken the previous owners years to get the house into the condition it is now - you won't solve it overnight.

Once you've done, say, the windows and the cupboard is no longer causing you worries, you can look at smaller tasks, like cleaning a small distance of the skirting board like 'from the front door to the radiator and to the living room door frame', for example. Sugar soap is again, ideal, but soapy water will be fine.

Later on, you can look at the decorating - the peeling is likely to be because he didn't clean the surfaces down or prepare them. Worry about it later.

I'd say giving yourself the target of doing one extra thing a week to improve the house is doable. Anything else you have the energy for is a bonus.

Just by going for small, achievable tasks regularly, they'll add up and you'll really notice a difference as Spring moves into Summer, which is when your spirits should be lifting a bit anyway - extra daylight and some Vitamin D does that for most of us (do you take it anyway? We're all supposed to now - and it does make a huge difference to mood and energy levels).

It's the volume of 'big things' that's getting you down. Breaking the big ideas down into smaller, say hour long, tasks (or shorter if an hour is too much to contemplate) makes it far less overwhelming. Yes, it will still be a case of you seeing something and thinking it needs doing, but if you can focus on 'I could do that now' tasks, rather than the grand 'I want it all perfect', you're going to be able to do more overall.

InspectorClouseauMNdivision · 12/04/2019 13:24

Firstly unfollow these lovely insta profiles. I unfollowed all of these "look how pretty my stuff is" and follow gardening profiles, interesting artists and local businesses. My Insta is now actually a joyous thing to look at without feeling bad! Highly recommended it.

It's April and builders and tradesmen will be extremely busy for few months now.

Absolutely agree with PP about sorting small area by small area. If you do bit there and bit over there, it will always be a mess.

What I did when we moved was create table of what needs to be done.
Living room:

  • xxxx
  • xxxx
  • xxxx

For each room. Then I decided which room I want to start with. In my case it was living room, where we spend most time.

Because the weather is grand, you can do xxx inside and then go outside for a "break" and plant some flowers, you can get very cheaply.

UgliestGirl · 12/04/2019 13:38

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Nonagoninfinity · 12/04/2019 13:39

You have had some amazing practical suggestions for tackling the important bits.

I just wanted to add another vote for steering clear of insta and ideal home-type mags.

There is a ridiculous amount of expectation created via social media that can be very stressful if you let their clever marketing get into your head. Resist it and enjoy your lovely home.

Yabbers · 12/04/2019 13:39

You can do it yourself! Seriously, painting walls is really really easy and I'm baffled that able-bodied non-bazillionaires actually pay other people to do it for them.
Not everyone has the time.

We earn enough to pay tradespeople so that we don’t spend what little free time we have doing DIY. Plus, it might be “easy” to do, but not everybody has the skill to do it well. There can be a huge variance between a good and a bad decorator.

LillithsFamiliar · 12/04/2019 13:40

I agree with PPs prioritising : ants ; fence.
Ask a neighbour to recommend a window cleaner.
For the decorating, could you invite some friends round for a painting/decorating/picture framing party? We did this for one of our friends. You provide food, pizza, wine. Everyone mucks in. Put some music on. Give clear instructions eg I'll do the kitchen cupboards; x could you sand the skirting; etc.
As for the garden, there are lots of cheap flowers in B&M; Asda; Home Bargains, etc. Pop over to the gardening threads on MN. They'll probably suggest waiting to see what actually grows this year but in the meantime, you could buy some potted plants to brighten the place up.

Chess77 · 12/04/2019 13:45

Hello,

I feel your pain. I bought my first place (cottage flat) and it was a repossession that had been empty for 2 years. Unless you are very well off its not going to be done quickly so I would follow the advice above by @mitzik and also check out the organised mum method (can google her site). she has a daily cleaning routine that should help you out and as it is only mon-fri it will leave the weekends free for other housey jobs.

I had mould in my kitchen (bought mould remover and a liquid you paint to stop it coming back - wear a mask when dealing with it) and bathroom and mice when I moved in. Deal with the mould and the ants as a priority as those are things that will make you feel better I promise.

All the best and please give yourself a break and don't put pressure on yourself to have a perfect home. A lot on Instagram are new builds or recently refurbished houses that are bound to look shinier than an average persons home.

xx

Jackshouse · 12/04/2019 13:49

Houses are never ending projects. They need constant up keep.

This will solve the ant problem.
www.wilko.com/en-uk/wilko-2-pack-ant-killer-bait-station/p/0344468?nst=0&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=Cj0KCQjw7sDlBRC9ARIsAD-pDFpCc-89nuK5HWLK0tj0xiR93UHqAihaJCirlgvMhM8w8m6WyLup1aEaAhJ9EALw_wcB