Can't cope with my house - AIBU?

[inarut35]

I moved into a new house about 18 months ago. It's a typical two-bedroom terrace, with a fairly large garden. I feel very lucky to have finally bought my own place - it's taken years of hard graft to get here. It's also a very lovely house overall. However, there is a but...

The problem is I'm having real difficulty keeping on top of the housework and maintenance. The decor is liveable in but very tired - almost all the rooms need painting and holes in the plasterwork filling in.

My brother kindly painted a couple of rooms for me as a housewarming gift, but he's by no means a professional and the paint is already starting to flake off and is marked in places. I've tried calling a few decorators but no one seems to get back to me - they all seem so busy and in demand!

There are also things like internal doors and skirting boards that need replacing, the fence in the garden has collapsed into next door's, the floorboards are really scruffy and need sanding and varnishing, I have a load of paintings that need to be framed and put up, plus the gardens (front and back) are a total mess with very little in the way of flowers/colour at the moment.

Oh, and did I mention that there's mould inside one of the kitchen cupboards (which I never use as a result), all the windows are filthy inside and out AND I currently have ants coming into the kitchen from a nest outside?!

I suppose I just don't know where to even begin with it all really - keeping on top of it feels like an insurmountable task as my day job is very busy. I just want the house to be "done" but I feel overwhelmed and like it's never going to happen. I'm also dreadful at DIY so sanding floors and painting walls are not the sort of jobs I feel confident in doing myself.

I can't hire a cleaner as I don't have any spare cash at the moment - so it's all down to me.

How can I gain control of this house?

I second stop looking at Instagram!
A friend is obsessed with it, forever sending links of stuff she knows I'll like and I do. But..... the in the time she's been searching them out i've actually cleaned my windows with my beloved Karcher and her house is pretty unchnged in the last 18 months but I'm slowly chipping away at mine.
Sort out the easy stuff first, enjoy the success and build on that.
Have you got bank hol weekend off? make a plan, tidy, declutter, clean, arrange new flowers & eat lovely food.

It really is doable

Ants - ant killer

Mould - mould and mildew spray - if it comes back look at what is causing it, bad ventilation is the most common cause.

Windows - hot soapy water to clean, then use scrunched up newspaper to dry, being careful not to touch anything with your now inky hand. They will sparkle. If the outside is too high, join your local facebook group and ask for a local window cleaner, usually under £10 for outside only.

Painting - With all decorating the preparation is the most important thing. Wash all painting surfaces with sugar soap (local DIY will have it) this will stop any paint peeling off. Start painting by cutting in with a small brush (doing all the edges that the roller won’t reach) then use a roller, you will be amazed how quick it goes on, you will need to do 2 coats usually.

Skirting board is really easy. Get a mitre block so you can cut the angles. Do a few testers first (fine tooth saw) to get the hang of it. Then stick them to the wall with something like Gripfill Adhesive (You will need a caulk gun). Once fully stuck use caulk to fill in any gaps where it joins the wall. Then paint them. Caulk really is good at hiding a multitude of sins. Get a few of them.

Sanding floors – You have to make sure all nail/screw heads are below the surface area you are sanding (they will rip the sand paper). Use a nail punch and hammer. Once all nails are ok, hire an industrial sander. Clean it all then wait a day and clean again because dust will settle. Put whatever finish you want on it, start furthest from the door and work your way back to the door.

Youtube is your friend and you can watch videos for ANY DIY job imaginable.

Just break it down to manageable chunks and you will get through it.
I have been where you are and did 99% of these jobs myself. They are easy once you know how. Be prepared to get it wrong sometimes.
Leave the garden until last as you probably need the space in the garden to do some cutting of wood etc.
Good luck.

To make everyone feel better about their stuff v insta stuff.
So many profiles had this blanket made from giant wool. Many tagged wowcher in it. I always wanted one to cosy up in. Plus they looked omg on pics.

It looks lovely. On a pic or from far away. It certainly does not feel lovely, because it's some plasticy wooly thing.

With insta, you must remember that not everything cool is cool for anything else than a picture😂

Instead of looking for a painter/decorator, look for a handyman, they will be able to prep walls, woodwork as well as paint.

First off, congratulations on your new home!

Now, make three lists: safety, comfort, decor. Start with the 'safety' list, the things that need doing for your safety (mould, fence, ants), then move to comfort (skirting boards, work on floors, patching holes, mowing garden if it's overgrown), then decor (painting, framing prints, planting).

Focus on the safety list first, then the comfort list, then the decor list. And don't try to rush. Take things at an easy but steady pace. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Is the house damp? Freshly painted internal walls should just start flaking after a few weeks.

Where’s the paint flaking, that’s really not normal. And neither is the mould in the kitchen - what’s behind that cabinet. Do you dry washing in the house on an aired? Or Do you maybe have a leak somewhere or one of the neighbours that’s coming into yours? That’s your first priority.

I second writing a list but i'd have two lists - one for the urgent items: mould, ants and fence the other list for the other items. I also agree to start with one room. Perhaps the room you spend the most time in. I am currently de-cluttering and trying to minimise hoarding stuff. Even kitchen cupboards can benefit from a sort out. Assessing things like too many baking trays and ones past their best, too many tupperware boxes and lids, too many mugs. Local charities will benefit greatly.Cleaning can be squished in between other things.I make myself a target of cleaning let's say all the kitchen cupoboard doors with antibac wipes and then i make a cup of tea then after that I'll clean the kitchen table and then empty a food cupboard onto the table and sort out what I've got. I could feed the street with the contents of my 'big cupboard' so I'm working my way through the jars, tins and packet foods so that I cut down on my spending and make good use of what I've already paid for. DIY painting and filling holes is fairly easy. Youtube is your friend. Painting isn't that difficult once you've tried doing a bit. I assumed I'd be rubbish at it but I've found out I can do it to an OK standard. That's good enough for me.

For the rooms that have flaky paint - is there a damp proof course? You might need to use a base coat of damp paint in the areas that are flaking.

Don't do this without checking where the damp is coming from! You could end up with plaster flaking off.

I'd prioritise:

Get the cupboard cleaned, scrub it out, use something that will properly kill the mould (bleach isn't ideal for this.)

Other people have said what to do with the ants - personally I wouldn't go down the boiling water route. It didn't kill them all and the bastard things brought out their dead and lined them up nearby. I felt terrible.

Walls. A day with a tub of polyfilla should fill in the holes (I'm assuming they're small) and will leave you feeling like you've achieved something.

Can you get someone in to check the damp levels in the walls - did you have a survey done and did it say anything about damp? If it's an older house with double glazing it may be a lack of ventilation/condensation problem and that shouldn't be difficult to fix (we bought a dehumidifer). Hopefully whatever the cause it's a fairly easy fix and then you can get painting - you definitely can DIY it, I'm not skilled but with a bit of enthusiasm, effort and masking tape it's not too bad.

What can wait imo:

The garden. It's a bit early in the year I'd say. Wait and see what grows so you can decide what you want to keep.

Personally I'd leave the floors and skirting boards until after the walls are sorted. Maybe throw a few rugs down.

Get off Pinterest and Instagram. It used to be completely normal that your first house would be a bit of a “do-er upper” and it would take several years to get it nice. PP have suggested making a list - beware though if that makes you feel overwhelmed with things to do. When you own a house there is always a list of jobs that need doing, you need to get used to that! Basic Priorites:

Structural - making sure the house is secure, watertight and safe (including gas and electrics), I would put the fence in this category.
Hygiene - deal with pests, mould and make sure you can keep kitchen and bathroom clean for normal daily use (eg broken tiling, sinks, toilets etc)

After that, it’s all about what’s important for you - you are living there after all, not your family and friends. think about how much time you realistically have each week to do house things on top of normal household stuff like laundry and cooking. It’s amazing how much you can do with 30 minutes per evening and half day at the weekend. Any more and you’re laughing.

I would get the house and garden organised and tidy first because that will make it easier to keep on top of your daily activity and keep the neighbours happy. It’s less stressful if you’re not looking at a mess every day. Cut the grass once a week and keep the weeds under control and worry about colour and planting in years to come.

Then look at the whole house - are there any big jobs that affect the whole house? Eg work on heating system, electrics, the damp? Get that done first.

Then work through the rooms one by one for small repairs and decoration. If you’re not confident, you could do a bedroom first while you learn diy skills and any mistakes are not on public display.

It will take time, but don’t stress. How do you run a marathon? One step at a time. Don’t let it take over your life either - make sure you have time to relax!

Can't add much to the practical advice but I do want to say this, accept that it is going to take time, try not to look at the whole thing at once, one thing at a time. The big picture will feel overwhelming so do as PP's suggest, break it down and do the most urgent first but don't even think about the next thing until the current one is done. And remember to take pleasure in the jobs you get done as you go along, savour each achievement, each bit of progress and it feels less like an endless task and more like a labour of love

Get yourself a DIY manual. My Collins DIY manual is the best investment I ever made. I'm not at all practical, but have managed to do quite complicated things like wire up new light fittings thanks to my manual.

I'd find a local carpenter or handy man to do the skirting board etc, that's a tricky job and you need special tools to mitre the corners. Then paint them with wood primer.

I second one room at a time, and I would do the living room first, so you have a nice space to enjoy. But if there is one room that needs less work than others, start there first. It will be easiest, it will give you confidence that you can do this stuff and the motivation to start on another.

Painting is easy and preparation is key. Wash down the surfaces to be painted with a sugar soap solution and rinse well. Grease or old nicotine on the walls will make the new paint flake off. Fill the holes and sand them down. Then paint, using a smallish brush for the edges and a roller for the big areas. Start with the woodwork. This is not the way a professional does it, but I find it easier to get emulsion off gloss than the other way round. Then the ceiling, any paint that gets on the walls will be painted over. Then the walls. Try and do it in daylight if at all possible. It's easier to see what you're doing.

Play your favourite music, something upbeat. Decorators have the radio on for a reason, it helps you get into a rhythm with your work and it seems to get done more quickly.

If you have a birthday coming up, ask for decorating equipment, tools, or vouchers for a diy store. Then it won't cost you so much.

You may even find you enjoy it. I used to, before arthritis set in and made it a painful business.

Stop looking at home decor sites and look up DIY advice instead. Decor sites are guaranteed to make most people feel sad and inadequate.

Sort out the mould and flaky paint. I suspect you are looking at issues caused by damp both in the kitchen and wrt the flaking paint.

The ants are comfortable indoors because there is water somewhere for them. You can buy ant bait and set it out for them to take back to the nest.

Mow the garden. Or if necessary, take a scythe to it

I think getting a cleaner in for one big cleanup would be great. It would give you a running start.

You can sand and refinish floors yourself. My mum did this by hand at age 72. Look up how to do it on YouTube.

Do you have a local FB page you could join and ask for leads on damp proofing, putting in wainscoting, a big once over for the gardens and the fence repair?

Is there a local independent hardware shop you could ask for advice on local tradesmen?

The OP here - thank you so much for all the practical and encouraging replies you lovely people! I really wasn't expecting that many.

I read through everybody's suggestions and have decided to tackle the house one room at a time, making a list of everything that needs doing - from big DIY stuff down to buying more cheap pot plants to brighten the place up.

I'm beginning with the kitchen. Towards the end of last year I did a big clean of all the cupboards, scrubbed a load of sticky grease off the cupboard tops and lined them with newspaper and had the oven professionally cleaned, so I'm off to a head start with this room.

Today I bought some Oust sachets and descaled about six years' worth of very stubborn limescale from my kettle, which felt good. There was tons of it! I also cleaned the glass jug in my coffee machine with vinegar, to get rid of the water streaks that have made it look horrible. It's now crystal clear - much better.

I also scrubbed a load of dirt off the door rim of the dishwasher (such a grim task!) and ran one of those Flash dishwasher cleaners on an empty load.

I've bought some ant poison and bait from Amazon which will hopefully be arriving next week.

My next jobs are to clean the kitchen cupboard doors and knobs and bleach the sink to get rid of the brown stains from all the coffee that's poured down it.

I have guests coming round tonight so will also need to give the bathroom a quick once over with some wipes.

I know some PPs suggested sanding floors and painting myself, but I'm honestly not confident enough and am quite time poor. I think I could do a decent paint job but I really want it to look immaculate, and feel I will need to get a professional to do that.

The paint flaking off is due to lack of prep/cleaning the walls and probably not enough coats. At least it's not a damp issue I suppose.

Great you are feeling better nad getting stuck in!

Today I bought some Oust sachets and descaled about six years' worth of very stubborn limescale from my kettle, which felt good. There was tons of it!
I boil 1:1 vinegar:water in a kettle once in 2 months. It works perfectly and cheap.

Hvae a look at DIY cou4ses in your area if you ever have free time. Some are really cheap and it could help with being sure about yourself😉

Good luck with the rest!. One room at the time

Thanks Inspector. Do you use white vinegar or the brown variety?

Just taking a break from scrubbing cupboards. Does anybody else find all this completely exhausting?

if you lived near me Id come and help! I have a neighbour and from what I can tell of the garden etc is in a similar state. Id love to help her out.....but if I offered I`d be taking a risk of being a nosey busybody! (plus my house is for sale and just doing her garden would help me ;) )

I think you’re setting yourself unrealistic Instagram expectations! Are you a millennial by any chance?

Painting is super easy and start in an inconspicuous area. Clean the area well. Protect the carpet/floors etc. Move all the furniture into the centre of the room and cover. Have. DMp cloth ready for any little spills/smudges. Cut in with a slim new brush then roller the rest.

Paint your whole house a simple white “all white” by farrow and ball is great.

Buy slim black picture frames from Wilkos or Ikea and frame everything up the same. Hang them well- there are so good tutorials on how to do this online.

Clean the floors, put a big rug down- Ikea is good here. Buy a big rubber plant.

Matalan have some nice soft furnishings that are cheap.

Garden-
Mow the lawn
Weed
Pressure wash any patio type slabs
Put a nice big potted plant like and olive tree, or a box next to your front door.
Pull the fence down and take it to the dump. Put up cheap hurdles from B and Q.

The biggest tip I can give you is make your house as clean as you possibly can.

I’m imagining something like this....

@inarut35 any tbh. Just mkae sure you can open a window for a bit 😂

Do the easy stuff first. Buy a mound box for the kitchen. Poison the ants. And sort out the fence. Them approach the house room by room. Give yourself a list of tasks to do (empty room, wall prep, covering flooring, painting etc). Then do one step at a time when you can. Eventually you’ll get there. Be sure to prep your walls properly before painting though otherwise the paint will just come off.

I'm 35 - does that make me a millennial? I'm never sure!

I would love an olive tree. I did plant a few random flowers in the garden the other day to try and add some colour, but it feels like a drop in the ocean. I'm also worried they won't survive, as it still seems very cold! I hope I'm wrong.

I think part of my problem is that a lot of the fixtures in the kitchen in particular are quite old and tired, and I won't have the spare cash to replace them immediately. Some of the MDF units have become misshapen, for example. Still, if the kitchen is sparkling clean then it will at least make me feel better about it on a day to day basis, until I can afford to replace it!

Sanding floors can be done yourself with a machine you hire, but it's a messy job. I would save to hire a professional for it, or ...floor paint is pretty good unless you particularly want wood. I'd also recommend a carpenter for the doors and although skirting can be tackled if you are confident you might as well get the carpenter to do it at the same time.

Caulk is fantastic stuff which seals up any cracks in joints between walls and skirting etc - much easier to use than you think. The 'gun' cage you put the canister in has a press trigger to squeeze it out a bit like an icing bag.

Powder filler is easier to sand down than ready mix. And don't leave it to dry for too long before sanding.

Be ruthless with clutter - it's such a pain to keep moving 'stuff' about. (Note to self - take own advice!)

My other tips are:
Do a 'practise' room first, that isn't a main room, because you will learn loads (and not a main room because if it is you will forever be looking at the bits you know aren't perfect!)

Then do a main room, because you will be proud of it and you will have a lovely space to retreat to when everywhere else is a mess!

Use a microfibre roller, it doesn't spatter everywhere like cheaper ones do. Wrap it in a bag rather than washing out overnight - life's too short. I have found paint pads quite good too.

Use water-based woodwork paints, spills and brushes are so much easier to clean.

Don't get sidetracked and start too many things at once. (Read note to self above )

Thank you @Twillow. I'm hoping to buy some antique internal doors to replace the ones I've got. I think I will need a carpenter to fit them though, as I don't think I'm capable!