To think phone checking may not always be that bad?

[Figure8]

Yep, I know I'll get roasted ....

Of course checking someone's phone is an invasion of privacy. But.... what if you know something was off? Your gut is pinging out all kinds of warnings, but you can't leave a marriage because of that. Or do people?
I'm just curious that phone checking seems to be a bigger crime than lying/ possibly cheating on your partner.

When I was married, I had episodes of thinking something wasn't quite right. On the surface though, he was completely devoted- woukd do anything for me. It was only after I checked fb messenger that I got "proof". Yes it was shitty, but he would have dragged it along/ lied for ages, and I would have went along thinking I was nuts.

I have never checked any of my partners phones, I do think it's quite sad if your relationship is reduced to this. If you are sneaking into your partners phone there is obviously something drastically wrong in your relationship already.

You obviously don't trust your partner - no trust = no relationship in my mind so your relationship is already over.

It is never ok. If you have that little trust then that is your issue. There also seems to be a bit of a double standard between the genders on this but I think the general consensus is that it is never ok. If I found out my partner or spouse had checked my phone I would be out that door quicker than you could say “invasion of privacy”.

@Putalamoshadeonyourhead I understand you disagree with me, I don’t expect many people to to be honest.

I guess people on here assume I rush home to tell my husband every little detail of my conversation and outing with my friend. I don’t. But I feel as though I can tell him anything without fearing it would go any further. I may have been told something which doesn’t sit right with me and I need to discuss it. My husband is my safe place so I wouldn’t hesitate. I don’t go home to gossip.

In regards to phones, we don’t swap our phones every day for a root through. As others have said phones just aren’t an issue. If i wanted to look at message or anything I could outright just say, show me ‘X’ and he would pass me his phone. This is what I mean. I have no secrets but I also don’t tell him everything single detail either. Everything is open.

I dont assume anything. As I have said if it works for you, it works for you.

I dint disagree with how you tun your relationship, because that's your relationship.

What I object to, is the implications that people who arent the same, form value their relationships

Although I dont know why you would share a passcode or set face I'd on eachothers phones, if phones arent an issue. Or you would just ask eachother to see their phone.

But as I said, if that works for you, that fines. It doesnt mean you relationship is better or stronger or valued more.