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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my colleagues must either dislike me or not care about me

51 replies

Big0BirthdaySadness · 12/04/2019 09:38

I've worked in the same organisation for 12 years and tomorrow I'll celebrate a big ZERO birthday.

I came in today and there was a card from the department left on my desk. That's it. It is what they do every year.

Am I BU to feel sad? Every time anyone wants a moan or a whine, they all make there way to my office to unburden themselves. I organise cards for other people, leaving dos, celebrate significant years of employment, organise parties and so on for other people's big ZERO birthdays but it seems like not one person could be bothered to remember mine.

Just in case anyone is thinking, there will definitely be no surprise later.

OP posts:
TanteRose · 12/04/2019 09:41

but they did remember - they gave you a card.
I sort of see what you mean, but if you want a big night out, organise it yourself. Or tell them to organise it for you!

also, its work not your friends/family, so maybe go out with friends instead?

oh and Happy Birthday Flowers

Theworldisfullofgs · 12/04/2019 09:41

To be honest I think you are being a trifle odd about this. It's a birthday, they got you a card.
As someone who has had some big 0s and a out to have another one, I think you are making too big a deal about this.

And having said that - Happy Birthday.

BuzzPeakWankBobbly · 12/04/2019 09:42

That's often the way with office stuff - everybody assumes someone else will organise things so nothing gets done/or they don't know/have forgotten etc. Ascribe it to forgetfulness before malice.

(But be prepared for an absolute roasting on AIBU for even daring to hope someone might want to mark your birthday. It's very non-U round here!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR TOMORROW! Cake Flowers Glitterball

viques · 12/04/2019 09:43

Did you take cake in?

Nicknacky · 12/04/2019 09:43

I wouldn’t expect anything from my colleagues and a card would be lovely.

It sounds like you organise a lot and that would get really annoying! They are probably fed up getting asked for cash.

Significant years of employment?!

Redglitter · 12/04/2019 09:43

YABU you got a card. Not everyone places a big thing on a ZERO birthday. It's not a big deal to them. If they didn't like you they wouldn't have sent you anything

WatchingFromTheWings · 12/04/2019 09:43

Happened where I work. 4 of us had the exact same '0' Birthday in the space of 18 months. I was the third and the only one who didn't get so much as a card! Others had flowers delivered to work or jewellery. Nice jewellery too! I didn't even get a 'happy birthday'! I dont get involved with whip-rounds anymore.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 12/04/2019 09:45

Oh I’m sorry for you, it usually needs 2 people in an organisation to be good with organising surprises etc or else you get nothing like you should do. Apathetic co workers will celebrate if it involves nothing / maybe just take some cakes in on Monday and say it’s in recognition of said birthday then when people chat you can make them squirm 😂 I’d be making them feel guilty whilst maintaining my morale high ground!

Also after 12 years I would expect a fuss!

Happy birthday

swingofthings · 12/04/2019 09:46

Do they need it's a big birthday? It's one thing remembering the date, another to remember the age.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 12/04/2019 09:46

But you organise, for others, what you want to receive for yourself. Others don't need the fuss and bother. Unless they are close friends - as opposed to just colleagues - then you possibly expect too much.

BUT depending on your personality I would bring it up when suitable - with your line manager - BUT is social organiser a role you have taken on because you like it or is it part of your JD? If you're doing it because you want to , it is UR to expect others to want to dedicate that level of time. Ultimately it is your team leaders job to ensure the smooth running of the team and equality within the work place

GottenGottenGotten · 12/04/2019 09:47

Oh, so you are the one that does that nonsense in your workplace.

There's always someone that thinks that everyone else wants to celebrate their own birthdays the way they want to celebrate theirs. Newsflash - some people don't.

Thankfully in my last workplace I managed to find the file that person kept of birthdays, and delete mine. Pretty sure it would be against gdpr now.

If you don't like what happened, do feel free to stop organising events for others. I'm sure some of them will be very grateful, and as a bonus you'll have more time for work.

And if anyone asks why, you can always say that you thought that your workplace had stopped doing anything except a card, as that's what you got for your 50th (or whatever it was).

Isthisafreename · 12/04/2019 09:52

If you're the one who organises everything, then your colleagues are putting in the exact same effort as they put into everyone else's birthday. In fact, at least one person is putting more effort into yours as you normally organise the card so someone who doesn't normally do that went to extra effort for you!

Happy birthday.

applesarerroundandshiny · 12/04/2019 09:52

Did your colleagues know it was this 'big' birthday and that it was important to you? Just saying that if any of my colleagues had found out about any of my 'big zero' birthdays and made a big thing if it I would have been absolutely mortified.

Sarcelle · 12/04/2019 09:58

Stop doing all the other organising if you are disappointed. I am in the camp of can't' be arsed about my own birthday, let alone anybody else's. So you feel miffed, the others are not bothered.

Happy Birthday!

Original poster
Big0BirthdaySadness · 12/04/2019 10:04

Thank you for the birthday wishes! Smile

We're a touchy feely kind of organisation and we recognise when people stay 5 / 10 / 15 years etc. Because of my role, it falls to me to pull things together to note those occasions, same with people going off on maternity leave, sending flowers when the baby is born, flowers for weddings, funerals and so on. It's just what we do here.

Big zero birthdays are usually celebrated - again I don't know why. It was a culture that existed before I arrived on the scene. There has been a collective memory failure, as I obviously celebrated the last big zero birthday in the same organisation.

Anyhow, it sounds as though the majority view is that I'm BU, so maybe I'll just eat all the cakes I bought myself!

OP posts:
Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 12/04/2019 10:06

YANBU, it’s only on mn that people aren’t bothered about having their birthday celebrated.

Purplecatshopaholic · 12/04/2019 10:06

You got a card! So they remembered. What on earth is the issue?? We banned cards in the end as the department keeps growing and we seemed to spend all our time signing cards for people, lol. Be glad you got a card

bobbypinseverywhere · 12/04/2019 10:07

i really don't get adults who expect a big fuss from everyone for birthdays? partner and immediate family, yes its nice to get recognition and feel valued/loved, but beyond that seems a little much to me.

GottenGottenGotten · 12/04/2019 10:13

Haha Idontlikeyou, I guess I don't exist outside of Mumsnet!

DarlingNikita · 12/04/2019 10:15

I find these threads really weird. There's always posters being martyrs ('oh, I wouldn't expect a thing from my colleagues, and I've been slaving at this job for a hundred years!'), deliberately missing the point ('they gave you a card, what are you moaning about?') or being plain spiteful ('stop organising events…I'm sure some of them will be very grateful').

The OP is clear that the culture in their workplace IS to have presents/cakes/parties, so why on earth should she not expect the same?

OP, you're not being U at all. I'd speak to your manager. Be light about it, and just point out that you know it's part of your role to organise birthdays and other events, but obviously that means there's a bit of a hole when it's your own birthday.

And happy birthday to you! Cake Brew

NameChangeSameRage · 12/04/2019 10:16

I think YAB a bit U. You got a card. Most people don't care about birthdays.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 12/04/2019 10:16

Happy birthday, OP!

I'm sure they like and value you - it just sounds like you are the "organiser", and in the absence of your organisational input...nothing happens. It is disappointing, but not as bad as if they were energetically organising parties for everyone else, and ignoring yours. That are just...a bit crap. If you worked with me you would have got flowers and an embarassing helium balloon at least. (Sorry, environment).

GottenGottenGotten · 12/04/2019 10:17

I always find it weird on these threads that people think of ok to call other people out on their opinions because of something the op said AFTER their post.

Wink
saraclara · 12/04/2019 10:18

Because of my role, it falls to me to pull things together to note those occasions, same with people going off on maternity leave, sending flowers when the baby is born, flowers for weddings, funerals and so on. It's just what we do here.

Unfair though it must feel (and I'd be a bit hurt too), I wouldn't read too much into their failure to do the same for you. They're just used to birthdays being someone else's responsibility. People are just a bit useless. Doesn't mean they don't like you.

DarlingNikita · 12/04/2019 10:19

I don't really get your point, Gotten, but your comment would be spiteful wherever in the thread it appeared.