to think my colleagues must either dislike me or not care about me

[Big0BirthdaySadness]

I've worked in the same organisation for 12 years and tomorrow I'll celebrate a big ZERO birthday.

I came in today and there was a card from the department left on my desk. That's it. It is what they do every year.

Am I BU to feel sad? Every time anyone wants a moan or a whine, they all make there way to my office to unburden themselves. I organise cards for other people, leaving dos, celebrate significant years of employment, organise parties and so on for other people's big ZERO birthdays but it seems like not one person could be bothered to remember mine.

Just in case anyone is thinking, there will definitely be no surprise later.

OP. Yanbu. If it something that is done a your workplace, then someone should have stepped up and done that's for you.
Happy Birthday.

I guess I don't exist outside of Mumsnet

Me neither. In all honesty, if someone gave me a choice between:

• going into work on my birthday and not a single person acknowledging it

or...

• going in and being presented with a bunch of flowers, gift or cake

I would choose the first every single time. It is my genuine preference. This tends to mean sometimes I am a bit shit at organising things for other people unless it is very clear to me they want something organising. Maybe this is the case for others OP works with?

Another fellow Aries

Happy Birthday for tomorrow OP

YANBU.
Some people on here are FUCKING miserable.
Happy Birthday!

i'm another one who doesn't get the birthday thing, no one sends anyone else cards for anything in our family, and as for birthdays as an elderly friend once pointed out ''who wants to be reminded they are a year nearer to death ? '' morbid, but very true.

The OP is clear that the culture in their workplace IS to have presents/cakes/parties

It isn’t the workplace culture. It is OP deciding to do it for everyone there. Sounds like if she didn’t do it, nobody else would.

i get it OP
when i started at a place, they did gifts, something small and cards for birthdays and gifts for babies etc, when i moved up in the ranks it became my job, so i carried on, gifts and cards, even arranging the birthday gifts for bosses wife and kids etc, when it my my birthday i got nothing... as i didnt organise it i guess... a girl and i were both pregnant at the same time, due about a month apart, i seen them all organising a huge gift basket for her and kinda hoped just a little that i might get a gift too, i went off and had the baby and after, i think it was 2 weeks, i got a card..... kinda puts ya in ya place i guess

People probably enjoy the effort you make for them, and lap it up. If they think about it afterwards, they convince themselves you get a kick out of arranging it all. When it comes to your birthday, 'someone else' will sort something out. It doesn't mean they're indifferent or deliberately unkind but yanbu to feel disappointed.

Happy birthday for tomorrow!

You are not being unreasonable. If it's the norm where you work then it would be expected. especially as you're the one who puts the leg work in for others. But that's probably the problem. You're the one who normally does it so no one else thought to step up.
Did other know it was a big 0? we talk about that stuff a lot in our office and we decorate the desks and do a collection so it would really stand out if someone didn't have it.
Have a great birthday and scoff all the cakes yourself!! :-) x

for op
fem that comment could be directed at me to but, i like to celebrate my families lives and show them love every day, it's not necessary for us to send cards and presents, we treat each other to things through out the year.

You think it's spiteful, it's really not. Having a celebration of my birthday at work is my idea of absolute hell.

It's clear that many people don't understand how that feels, if me saying some people will be grateful is taken as spiteful.

Thankfully it's not something I have to concern myself with any more.

I do accept that now knowing it's a part of ops job, I would have worded it slightly differently, as some of it is more designed towards the type of person that chooses to do this kind of nonsense, but mostly it still stands

Yanbu.

You spend time and effort organising nice things for others for 12yrs yet nobody can be bothered to do it for you. Thats crap in anyone's book.
Only on mn are you expected to put yourself out for others and never expect the same consideration back.

My birthday was forgotten at work last year and when they realised 2 staff spent ages probing me for clues and organised a fab present online that day.

It is the norm for everyone to chip in and get someone a present. (Small place everyone worked together) i was really touched as i am not big on celebrating my bday usually.

Next time its someone's big day just get a card. They obviously dont appreciate the effort you put in.

Happy birthday .

Unfair though it must feel (and I'd be a bit hurt too), I wouldn't read too much into their failure to do the same for you. They're just used to birthdays being someone else's responsibility. People are just a bit useless. Doesn't mean they don't like you.

Yes - and probably if it weren't someone's dedicated duty (yours!) to sort this out, doubtless lots of people wouldn't bother at all, and some wouldn't miss it.

Our company tried to begin this kind of thing, presents from the company on birthdays, but it became a real grind for all involved. The woman doing so was desperately needy for people to squeal with delight at her gifts, and became very wound up when her weekends spent shopping for tat thoughtful gifts were met with mere polite acceptance.

I drew the short straw for sorting out her birthday, and honestly, I hated it - however much we chatted at work, I really struggled to buyher something.

I can relate to how you’re feeling. Had a big 0 birthday a few years back but it fell at Easter so everyone at work was busy or away. All year friends the same age were having people organise big parties for them and it felt that nobody remembered mine outside immediate family. I think for me it was another big reminder that I’m now single too with nobody to care about surprising me.

I also think big 0 birthdays are milestone ones so your feelings are a bit different to other birthdays.

Forget it but don't be organizing anything for anyone else put that on someone else and see how they like it.
Happy birthday and I hope you have a nice day.

I think they're just used to you organising everything and never putting any thought it so didn't think to do it themselves for you.

Wish other posters wouldn't stick by boot in by yapping about someone daring to want their milestone birthday to be acknowledged.

Only on mn are you expected to put yourself out for others and never expect the same consideration back

Nonsense.

On Mumsnet, people that choose to make a big effort for others when it's not expected, expect others to then make a big effort back. I would never want someone to put in a lot of effort for my birthday, but I actually put in effort for my nearest and dearest.

Ops case is different as it is apparently expected as part of her job.

There has been a collective memory failure, as I obviously celebrated the last big zero birthday in the same organisation.

Are you honestly expecting your colleagues to remember that it was your 30th/40th/50th/whatever birthday ten years ago

I can understand you feeling upset about the fact you only got a card but try not to let it mar your day. Happy Birthday for tomorrow

Wish other posters wouldn't stick by boot in by yapping about someone daring to want their milestone birthday to be acknowledged

Lol. This is aibu. Op asked a question and is getting exactly the range of answers that ALWAYS HAPPENS in aibu with this kind of question.

no one sends anyone else cards for anything in our family, and as for birthdays as an elderly friend once pointed out ''who wants to be reminded they are a year nearer to death ? '' morbid, but very true.

Bleak!

YANBU We have a similar culture in my current workplace, ZERO birthdays receive a bouquet of flowers. I haven't known it in other work places but as it is the norm here I'd be upset if my big birthday was not acknowledged.
It's rubbish that the people who you normally do the organising for cannot make the effort and do the same for you. I doubt it's that they dislike you, more likely thoughtless unfortunately.
Happy birthday to you, enjoy your big day and enjoy your cakes.

I did put my tin hat on before I posted! I know that not everyone likes celebrating their birthday and I am the antithesis of needy. I've been a single parent for two decades, worked full-time and I'm entirely self-sufficient. I've organised my own party for my friends, so I'll have a good time tomorrow. My DC have also organised a surprise for me, which I'm very excited about.

Despite all the comments saying I shouldn't expect anything and should be grateful I got a card, I don't feel grateful - but I can see that this is probably something to do with my own shit inside my head. I shall think of a cunning way to re-position it, so I do manage to share my cake!!!!

That's the spirit, OP! Have lots of fun tomorrow,

Good for you op, I'm glad you have something planned. I hope you have a super day tomorrow.

This happened to me on my 30th. I had always chipped in for special birthdays to get something nice from the office. When it was my birthday, I got nothing!!! I cried on my way home. When I returned, I stopped chipping in to every collection. I just said, " no thanks!" I think they all forgot by the time they realised (the next day) they probably thought it was too late! Happy birthday by the way, I hope you plan something nice.