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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

(Ex)Dh , holiday and baby

69 replies

AvocadoYUK · 12/04/2019 08:23

So out of the blue my husband decides he wants to break up. I have shed my tears over it and now I'm organising me and our baby . The only problem is he was planning a trip to see his extended familyor 2 weeks due to some money issues I thought he was going to be going on his own originally anyway ( nothing has been booked etc). But now he is saying he wants to bring our baby along for two weeks to another country! She has never been abroad and is still only very little and I still get anxious about not being with her for an afternoon let alone two whole week's in another country!! I understand that have to get used to not being around her when we split but I feel two weeks in another country is just too soon . Am I being unreasonable to say no to him taking her?

OP posts:
Honeydukes92 · 12/04/2019 08:27

Absoloutley not!

Wouldn’t be granted overnight access until DD is 6months + but that’s just one night. Two weeks abroad? 🤔 not a bloody chance! Tell him to sod off!

cliquewhyohwhy · 12/04/2019 08:28

How old is your little one?

cornishpixue · 12/04/2019 08:30

Does the baby even have a passport? If not it simply isn't possible

Soontobe60 · 12/04/2019 08:34

What country? Is your ex from that country originally? Is he likely to keep your baby there? Tread very very carefully op. If you at all suspect that he intends to take the baby to live abroad, get legal advice now. Do not give him the baby's passport.

Original poster
AvocadoYUK · 12/04/2019 08:36

She is between 1 and 2 and has no passport but I doubt he would keep her theret because his life and job and everything is here x

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 12/04/2019 08:36

Nope! My first thought is that he wouldn't come back. Do not let him take the baby. He had no interest in taking them before.

7yo7yo · 12/04/2019 08:38

No no no.

SoHotADragonRetired · 12/04/2019 08:38

I think a toddler of that age is too young to be away from her primary carer for two weeks. I'm not one of those "never spent a night apart" people, but I don't think my 4yo would do well for 2 weeks without me even.

GaraMedouar · 12/04/2019 08:38

You doubt? But you don't know. You didn't know he wanted to break up, that was out of the blue too. Say no, definitely.

TheSerenDipitY · 12/04/2019 08:40

nope, no way
also apply for her passport yourself, that way he cant, and once you get it hide it! ( really hide it) so he has no chance to remove her from the country
he could take her there, to meet family, and then leave her there when he comes back to work, or even have a job arranged over there

Weenurse · 12/04/2019 08:41

Do not let him take her

juneau · 12/04/2019 08:42

No way would I have allowed this when either of my DC was so little. If she's used to being with all the time she's going to be very distressed at being taken away from you for two weeks. Get legal advice. And a good idea to apply for a passport yourself so he can't do so.

MadeForThis · 12/04/2019 08:47

No way. It sounds like you need to get a residency order ASAP. You can just refuse to hand her over.

Would he take her without your approval?

LostInShoebiz · 12/04/2019 08:48

And a good idea to apply for a passport yourself so he can't do so.

That’s not how the law in this area works at all. OP, see a solicitor instead of listening to some of the utter nonsense spouted on here.

LostInShoebiz · 12/04/2019 08:50

It sounds like you need to get a residency order ASAP.

Again, not how it works. Wouldn’t restrict the ex’s travel any more than the current right to veto arising from parental responsibility.

BottleOfJameson · 12/04/2019 08:53

Don't do it. I agree with a residency order. Do you think he definitely plays to return with baby?

TheChiefBMS · 12/04/2019 08:58

Say no. It is too risky. As PP said, you were not expecting the split, you can't be certain his intentions.

Karigan195 · 12/04/2019 09:01

never in a month of Sunday’s. Wants to split now all of a sudden wants to take baby abroad. Every hallmark of a father about to spirit a kid away to a foreign country

Karigan195 · 12/04/2019 09:02

Get a residency order ASAP

Smelborp · 12/04/2019 09:03

Nope.

Sarahjconnor · 12/04/2019 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fromage · 12/04/2019 09:07

If he absolutely hasn't left his job without your knowing, he might be planning to keep your dd in his home country with a relative looking after her.

If his behaviour is uncharacteristic, be suspicious and very, very cautious.

Chickychoccyegg · 12/04/2019 09:07

no way would i agree to this, think you might need to get some legal advice asap

LagunaBubbles · 12/04/2019 09:08

It's interesting that this had "came out of the blue" for you, if he is planning on taking your DD abroad and not returning then it will all have been planned. Of course this is not definitely true but I would tread carefully.

Youngandfree · 12/04/2019 09:08

Jobs mean nothing to some ppl OP! What country is it??if it’s a country where your rights as a women/mother are diminished the no way and/or you would need to apply for a visa to enter then NO WAY!!