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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

(Ex)Dh , holiday and baby

69 replies

AvocadoYUK · 12/04/2019 08:23

So out of the blue my husband decides he wants to break up. I have shed my tears over it and now I'm organising me and our baby . The only problem is he was planning a trip to see his extended familyor 2 weeks due to some money issues I thought he was going to be going on his own originally anyway ( nothing has been booked etc). But now he is saying he wants to bring our baby along for two weeks to another country! She has never been abroad and is still only very little and I still get anxious about not being with her for an afternoon let alone two whole week's in another country!! I understand that have to get used to not being around her when we split but I feel two weeks in another country is just too soon . Am I being unreasonable to say no to him taking her?

OP posts:
LegoPiecesEverywhere · 12/04/2019 10:00

No no no. What country op? Just because he has a job here does not mean he will come back

applesarerroundandshiny · 12/04/2019 10:22

So - do i get this right - he is originally from another country, has broken up with you out of the blue and now wants to take your child back to his country of origin? No fucking way.

I would see a solicitor and get everything around your child's residence and contact laid down legally .

Lilymossflower · 12/04/2019 10:29

Christ by bloody lord do NOT let your baby out of your sight !!!!

Never never never let baby out of your sight.

Its just no.

If he really wants his famo to see baby, you can go too. No problem.

But its not in baby's Interests to be going on holiday. Baby dousnt care. Baby just wants you.
Baby NEEDS you.

Fuck ex and whatever the fuck he wants. Keep baby glued to you and tell him to fuck off

bibliomania · 12/04/2019 10:30

Absolutely no way. I completely agree he could hand her over to extended family even if he himself comes back to the UK. It absolutely does happen. Worth having a look at this website - www.reunite.org/

Not trying to scare you and he may not have malign intentions, but it's too big of a risk to take.

Thatsashame · 12/04/2019 11:05

NO. LEGAL ADVICE STRAIGHT AWAY

PumpkinPie2016 · 12/04/2019 12:09

In your situation there is no bloody way would I be handing my child over to him. He has split up with you 'out of the blue' and now wants to take the child on a trip he wasn't going to take them on.

Get some legal advice OP.

S1naidSucks · 12/04/2019 12:15

Actually, I would check to see if there’s already a passport in your child’s name? If he already has one, then I’d be convinced he was up to no good.

rebecca102 · 12/04/2019 15:23

I thought of the movie 'not without my daughter' when I read this.

stucknoue · 12/04/2019 15:39

No, especially if that country isn't in the EU or developed countries with agreements on child custody, too many children are being "held" abroad because their so called fathers wanted to visit family for a short holiday but in reality they kidnapped them. If he wants your child to visit you should travel too and exercise caution even then

Nearlythere1 · 12/04/2019 15:49

OP, listen to everybody very carefully. Don't even leave your baby alone with him for his afternoon contact time.

dancinfeet · 12/04/2019 15:57

Nope don't allow it. I didn't let my Ex H take my children abroad until he had moved on with his life in the UK - had a new partner, bought a house, had a child with her etc, because when my girls were small he threatened to take them on a few occasions and leave them with his mother in his home country. Like a toddler tantrumming over a toy - he didn't especially want our DDs all that much (proven by his minimal contact with them) - he just didn't want me to have them either, so thought that by taking them away he could punish me. Result was that he never got to take them on holiday for many years, and when he did I entrusted their passports to his partner, not him!

Tink88 · 12/04/2019 16:06

Wow I feel nervous reading this. Are you sure he hasn’t got her a passport without you knowing? Please seek legal advice ASAP and do not agree to this

Omzlas · 12/04/2019 16:11

Nope Nope Nope and nope. Not a chance if this was me (speaking as someone whose DH is from another country, his family are still there)

Get some legal advice, pronto. And I second the idea of applying for her passport, very good idea.

Original poster
AvocadoYUK · 12/04/2019 16:27

Thank you everyone for replying honestly I was only worried about the simple holiday before I read comments now I'm getting paranoid and anxious from everyone's messages!!!
The family that are most important to him live in the UK, he was born in other country but his citizenship isn't that country and it's not a country that has different rights for women! (Eu) x

OP posts:
SoHotADragonRetired · 12/04/2019 16:38

I think the fact you've split ups the stakes a bit, but it doesn't alter your response; she's too young to be away from you that long, end of story. The longest I've been away from my 4yo was the 3 nights I had in hospital giving birth to his brother; if my DH suggested the two of them going away for two weeks without me, he'd get a flat no, and we're happily married. And he wouldn't ask, because he recognises that as much as our DC love their daddy, they need me.

Say no, it's too long, but family can come and see you in the UK. And I don't think there would be any harm in getting a passport for your DC and tucking it away; no doubt it will come in useful some time. See how he responds to that before you take further action, would be my suggestion, and keep your eyes and ears open. Escalating to DEFCON 1 isn't warranted yet.

funinthesun19 · 12/04/2019 16:41

No fucking way.

TheChiefBMS · 13/04/2019 23:18

OP, even another EU country is difficult. In some ways more so than a non-EU country that has good relations with UK. They may see his and DCs residency as no less valid than yours and DCs in UK. You may have no legal grounds to insist on DCs return.

Do not let that baby go away without you or without legally binding agreements.

Get legal advice. Do it for the immediate future and long term. You all need agreements setting in stone.

LetsDoThisAgain · 13/04/2019 23:25

Seek proper legal advice.

ittakes2 · 13/04/2019 23:54

No way. I think you can contact the passport office and make sure she has both parents permission to leave the country noted on her file.

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