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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

(Ex)Dh , holiday and baby

69 replies

AvocadoYUK · 12/04/2019 08:23

So out of the blue my husband decides he wants to break up. I have shed my tears over it and now I'm organising me and our baby . The only problem is he was planning a trip to see his extended familyor 2 weeks due to some money issues I thought he was going to be going on his own originally anyway ( nothing has been booked etc). But now he is saying he wants to bring our baby along for two weeks to another country! She has never been abroad and is still only very little and I still get anxious about not being with her for an afternoon let alone two whole week's in another country!! I understand that have to get used to not being around her when we split but I feel two weeks in another country is just too soon . Am I being unreasonable to say no to him taking her?

OP posts:
Monny1 · 12/04/2019 09:17

No! Do not let him.

JaneEyre07 · 12/04/2019 09:17

No no no.

You need a solicitor and pronto.

jameswong · 12/04/2019 09:17

No way. Resist massively.

As a final compromise (if he holds a lot of cards) would be you go with them but staying in different accom, at his expense, for a shorter period of time, and bring the baby home when you go.

Madwomanuptheroad · 12/04/2019 09:18

What country is it? Is it signatory to the the hague convention? Is he able to get her a passport from his country without your signature?
This is a massive red flag re potential abduction. I hope I am wrong but this has the potential to end badly

mindutopia · 12/04/2019 09:21

My youngest is the same age and I wouldn’t take him away from my dh and from home for 2 weeks (and we are happily married). My family is also abroad. They come to visit us. They are too little to be away from their caregivers at that age, especially if you are the primary caregiver.

colditz · 12/04/2019 09:24

That's a hard no from me.

HotpotLawyer · 12/04/2019 09:25

“I doubt he would keep her theret because his life and job and everything is here x”

Except he has money difficulties and has broken up with you out of the blue.....

Catchingbentcoppers · 12/04/2019 09:27

Absolutely NO WAY.

MatchSetPoint · 12/04/2019 09:28

NO! I wouldn’t even let my 5 year old and 18month old go away without me for two weeks. They need their Mum when they are little!

Imadehimlikethat · 12/04/2019 09:30

Op even if he wouldn't keep her there, it's too long to go without her primary carer.

How long have you been split up? How much solo parenting does he do?

kaytee87 · 12/04/2019 09:34

A toddler being away from it's primary carer for that length of time and in an unfamiliar place would be very upset.

Get to a solicitor ASAP. Put your passport and the child's birth certificate elsewhere (preferably your parents house or a close friends?). Obviously he can get another copy of the birth certificate but I'm pretty sure he needs your passport details to get the child a passport.

kaytee87 · 12/04/2019 09:35

And as pp said, I'm happily married and the longest I've taken ds away from his daddy is 2 nights. I'm primary caregiver.

CanILeavenowplease · 12/04/2019 09:36

OP, at this point you are very vulnerable and I would say simply don’t trust him. Apply for her passport today or as soon as possible - quietly - and leave it with family when it arrives. You only need one parent’s signature to do this.

He has family abroad. His life may well be here but he has support to be able to move at short notice if he wishes. It is this that should make you cautious.

See reunite.org for help and advice on how to move forwards. There is more at stake here than 2 weeks holiday.

kaytee87 · 12/04/2019 09:36

I'd also maybe suggest telling the police his plans. I wouldn't trust that he would bring her back. He's broken up with you out of the blue, so what else will he do?

CanILeavenowplease · 12/04/2019 09:37

I'm pretty sure he needs your passport details to get the child a passport

Either parent can apply for their child’s passport.

kaytee87 · 12/04/2019 09:38

Apply for her passport today or as soon as possible - quietly - and leave it with family when it arrives. You only need one parent’s signature to do this.

This is an even better idea!

kaytee87 · 12/04/2019 09:38

@CanILeavenowplease I think I had to put both mine and DH details in but it was a while ago so can't quite remember

theWarOnPeace · 12/04/2019 09:41

I wouldn’t want my husband taking even my 8yo away for two weeks, and would feel anxious the whole time. It’s a case of not wanting to be separated from my child even, whereas you have additional circumstances in that he’s done something out of character, has money issues, family in a different country PLUS - your child is still a baby. For all of these reasons, it would be a hell no from me!

CanILeavenowplease · 12/04/2019 09:41

No. It is one parent only. You can, of course, put in both parent’s details but it isn’t necessary.

Amongstthetallgrass · 12/04/2019 09:41

Hell no.

Bibijayne · 12/04/2019 09:42

@CanILeavenowplease

Yes. But the parent needs to be British and able to pass on their citizenship. Guessing on the info we have, is that citizenship rights stem from mum.

However, you can now apply for a child's first passport online. So if he knows the info he can do it anyway.

CanILeavenowplease · 12/04/2019 09:45

OP - can you tell us which country? And are his parents from there or the UK? If from the UK, how settled are they? Has your ex ever suggested going to live there or mentioned better standard of living, education etc?

Flaverings · 12/04/2019 09:45

I doubt he would keep her theret because his life and job and everything is here

He could leave her there with family, such as a doting grandmother or auntie, he doesn't have to stay himself.

cuppycakey · 12/04/2019 09:49

Absolutely no way for all reasons mentioned above.

What country is it?

You need legal advice. You don't know this man as well as you thought you did.

frazzledasarock · 12/04/2019 09:53

I would get a prohibited steps order, mine prevents ex from removing the children from my care without my permission but I am allowed to take the dc out of the country so long as it is for less than thirty days.
The order remains in place till dc turn sixteen or if ex applies to have it dismissed and a judge removes it (latter has not happened as ex is a real threat to the dc).

Either parent can apply online for passports so long as they have parental responsibility.

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