Would you let a schizophrenic family member look after your DC?

[Februaryblooms]

Just that really. Would you?

Relative with this diagnosis has offered to help with childcare when I return to work after having our second baby.

In my case, it's an absolute no. I don't feel comfortable with it due to the unpredictable nature of the illness, their lack of experience with children and the amount of relapses they have.

But AIBU and discriminatory?

In the circumstances you describe, absolutely not. Being schizophrenic doesn't make anyone a bad person but it very much makes them a risk to be assessed in relation to caring for children. The safety and well-being (physical and emotional) of your children trumps everything. It's not in any way discriminatory to prioritise your children's welfare over being seen to be inclusive.

@mindutopia it's interesting that you seem to compare a child abuser and someone with a mental illness looking after your children. 😕

@Februaryblooms
I agree with others that in the circumstances you describe in later posts that the answer would be a no but I don't think your OP was very fair as the decision wouldn't be based on the actual situation, just on a diagnosis.

Not the person you have described.

Apologies for any offence caused by the wording of my OP.

I do agree it shouldn't be looked at as a blanket yes or no and should be looked at on an individual basis.

My perspective stems from the experience I have of this one individual alone and how their condition regularly fluctuates alongside regularly stopping their medication.

If they were stable and had been for many years my position would undoubtedly be very different.

No disrespect or distrust intended toward people with schizophrenia in general.

No way

I don't feel comfortable with it due to the unpredictable nature of the illness, their lack of experience with children and the amount of relapses they have

Given the factors listed above, of course YANBU to politely decline their offer.

That's not to say that no one with this diagnosis is capable of looking after DC or course. Schizophrenia is a serious condition but some people are able to function very well, both personally and professionally, with the right medication and support in place. I have met Doctors, Teachers and Solicitors with Schizophrenia. There are also plenty of parents with Schizophrenia who care for their own DC extremely well. Sadly though, there are others who will never be able to function at anywhere near that level, even with medication. If your relative suffers frequent relapses then it wouldn't be fair to them or the DC to rely on them for regular childcare. It would also put you in a difficult position if you had to find alternative childcare at the last minute due to them not feeling up to it, having to attend appointments or even, in the event of a relapse, having to go into hospital.
They also may not have considered when they made this offer (you mentioned they don't have much experience looking after children) that providing childcare can be stressful at times, and this might exacerbate their condition as stress has to be very carefully managed when someone has a psychotic illness.

You don't have to tell them the reason though. You could simply say that you've already made other arrangements.

" I don't feel comfortable with it due to the unpredictable nature of the illness, their lack of experience with children and the amount of relapses they have."

Even the bit I've highlighted would be enough for a big No from me.

In your specific case, an absolute NO. This person is not stable and can't be trusted caring for a child.

Absolutely not from what you have said.

Under the circumstances you have provided it would be a big 'no-no' for me. I wouldn't have lied to them either, I would have told them that, due to their regular relapses and non-compliance with medication, it would not be appropriate for them to undertake childcare.

As they end up relapsing regularly and require sectioning then they clearly lack insight into the triggers that cause them to relapse. It is often terrifying for an adult to witness a psychotic breakdown let alone a child.

No. A sibling has schizophrenia and hell would freeze over before I'd consider letting them be alone with my child let alone take care of them.

Past experience has shown that being stable is no guarantee that a lapse is imminent. We've never been able to predict a lapse that's required medical intervention.

Maybe others with the condition are different. But our experience says no.

With the details you have given, Yanbu. They are not managing their condition well enough.

OP you did not need to apologise for your initial post. You stated in it that the person has a lack of experience of children and has had "an amount of relapses." That doesn't sound like a blanket ban to me.

She doesn't appear to make any attempts to manage her triggers unfortunately.

For example, watching the news and reading about the royal family are massive triggers and a large part of her delusions are related to the queen and the royal family, but she actively seeks out literature and documentaries about them and insists on having the news on all day.

She also knows how unwell she becomes when she's off medication but regularly makes the decision to stop taking it because of the unpleasant side effects. I feel for her as the side effects can be unpleasant but at the same time the medication is vital to her remaining well.

A responsible person with a well managed condition who has been stable for some time and knew my child? Yes probably. Someone prone to relapses with an "unpredictable illness" and no experience of children? No definitely not

@feelingsinister

mindutopia is NOT comparing a child abuser to someone with MH issues. She is just saying no one is entitled to look after children and that, in her case, she wouldn't let the abuser in her family around her kids.

Don't try and read things that just aren't there and start jumping on people for no good reason.

Someone could equally comment on your username and read things that aren't there from that.

You're not being unreasonable OP because you're looking at the person's individual circumstances, and at present she doesn't appear able to cope with such a responsibility.

Sadly some other posts remind us how strong a stigma there is around mental illness. Learn to look at the individual not the label.

Actually the term schizophrenia isn't used in Mental Health Services any more; we tend to say psychosis and/or psychotic illness.

Not sure why you didn't just post the full history in your first post really; if you don't want a person who has a mental health condition to look after your child you don't have to justify it. I'd ask yourself though; if they saw what you'd written about them on public forum how would they feel about that?

If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. You don't need any explanation as to why not.

@BikeTart they probably wouldn't feel too great about themselves, which is why I'd never tell them that their illness and how they manage it is the reason I don't want them caring for my children.

I didn't think to elaborate in my first post as I didn't want it to be a long one, I should have though. Granted.

Once again no disrespect to people with mental health problems. I have had PND after having my DS so I'd be mortified if people thought I was being discriminatibe of mental health problems or stigmatising.

I know PND and psychosis are completely different btw, I'm just pointing out that in regards to my own mental health I'm not infallible and don't look down on others for their struggles.

Actually the term schizophrenia isn't used in Mental Health Services any more; we tend to say psychosis and/or psychotic illness.

This is not the case anywhere I've worked. Schizophrenia is still in the DSM. Psychosis is a symptom and the term "psychotic illness" is one that captures a range of diagnoses, of which schizophrenia is one (as are schizo-affective disorder, psychotic depression, mania with psychotic features etc).

@User457990033gYpovd7 That's how it read to me but they're completely different situations.

As for my username, it's from a song but feel free to clutch at straws to have a go at me with. 👍

Absolutely not.

my ex has schizophrenia and hobestly no he isnt safe.