Should DD2 have woken up to let DD1 in so she didn't have to drive 20 minutes to get a key?

[cocobutle]

DD2 is 18 and was at home in bed un well. Not sure what is wrong but she had been vomiting in the night, she hadn't been to sleep and finally fell asleep around 7am.

DD1 is 21 and was at a cafe with her boyfriend that is a small walk from our home. She needed to come in and get s couple of stuff, but didn't have a key on her. Her flat is a 20 minute drive away... so she just came and knocked on the door, she knew her sister was unwell.

Should DD have got up to let them in? It was at 10am.

Of course!!! It's only answering the door. I've been sicker than sick before where I struggled to walk up the stairs but I'd still let a family member in!

If she was awake then of course you should of let her in!

She may of course of been asleep and not heard the door

Did she know it was her sister at the door? If I was ill, had only fallen asleep a couple of hours before, and heard a knock at the door, I would ignore it too.

Well I think she should have if a) she actually woke up and b) she was physically able. She'd have been perfectly reasonable to grumble about it but a bit mean not to. Of course, it really depends how ill she was.

Yes she should have let her in.

Should DD have got up to let them in? It was at 10am.

Yes, she'd been vomiting a few hours earlier, that's all. It's not as if one of her legs fell off.

That versus a 40-min round drive; what a waste of fuel.

If I knew it was sister at the door I would have, if I was asleep and didn’t know who was at the door I would ignore it- it could have been a parcel for a neighbour or cold callers and she’d have dragged herself downstairs for nothing x

I think it depends how DD2 was feeling - if when DD1 knocked she was in bed feeling awful and chose to ignore it, or if she was fast asleep and didn’t hear it, then I think it was fine if she didn’t answer it. It doesn’t sound like DD1’s need to get inside was urgent so no harm done if she has to come back for the stuff another day. That said if DD2 was sat on the sofa watching TV feeling okay/ up and about and chose to ignore it even though she could have answered it I’d think that was unreasonable as answering the door only takes a minute if you’re already up.

Yes

Yes
Did she?

It depends on context as people say. If DD2 knew it was her sister and heard the knock then yes, if she was asleep or didn't know it was her sister then no.

No , if she fell asleep at seven it’s the equivalent of answering the door at 2am whilst ill.

Congratulations you must have a lovely life if this is your biggest worry!!

I don't think so. She was ill in bed, could have been asleep, didn't know who was at the door, not unreasonable to have ignored it.
If the sister knew she needed to collect some stuff, she should have remembered her key. If the other sister hadn't been ill, she couldn't have got in anyway.

Depends. Was she awake and did she hear the door? Did she know it was her sister at the door? It is possible she was either sound asleep and don't hear the door or she heard it but assumed it was someone random and didn't really feel well enough to answer it?

dd1 should have rung/text (and got a reply) to make sure dd2 was ok to open door and to give her a heads up/eta.

If that happened dd2 would have been prepared. Give dd1 a key?

yes obviously

Having said that, if the sister had phoned her to check she was awake and the ill sister knew it was her, then yes, she should have opened the door.
More info needed, really.

Was DD2 asleep. Was she aware who was at the door if I was poorly and not expecting anyone I’d ignore. However if DD1 sent a text saying “saying I’m outside let me in” then dd2 is bu.

FFS, i don't think the OP has said this is her biggest worry.

What I'm reading is that your older daughter, knowing her sister was poorly decided to come over and disturb her because she had forgotten her key.

Then she implies your younger daughter was selfish because she didn't drag her exhausted and poorly self out of bed .

It was her responsibility to remember her key or to pop round another time and her behaviour was rude, entitled and selfish.

Wow what a sarcastic response, no I actually have plenty of "serious" worries. However, this is Mumsnet, we can discuss anything we like.

I've got my eldest telling me how "it's ridiculous she can still live here and treat people like that" and honesty, I don't know where my opinion even lies to tell her. She's telling me she "won't bother coming around in the future"

She did hear the door knock but was half asleep and then just went back to sleep. Eldest has a key but didn't have it on her

Did DD1 know DD2 had been up all night and only just fallen asleep?

If she didn't, then she wasn't unreasonable to knock. If someone was just resting at home I would assume they could answer the door.
If she did, then she definitely shouldn't have disturbed her.

DD2 was not unreasonable not to answer the door when she was asleep, especially if she didn't know in advance.

Are there issues around dd1 not living there anymore? Is she jealous dd2 still does?

You don’t need to have an “opinion to tell her”. They were both in the wrong; DD1 for not taking her key with her; DD2 for not opening the door to her sister.

It’s done now; just tell them both they were equally wrong and that’s an end to it. I wouldn’t even justify “I won’t bother coming round any more” with any other answer than “Oh that would be a shame; anyway, cup of tea?”.