Should DD2 have woken up to let DD1 in so she didn't have to drive 20 minutes to get a key?

[cocobutle]

DD2 is 18 and was at home in bed un well. Not sure what is wrong but she had been vomiting in the night, she hadn't been to sleep and finally fell asleep around 7am.

DD1 is 21 and was at a cafe with her boyfriend that is a small walk from our home. She needed to come in and get s couple of stuff, but didn't have a key on her. Her flat is a 20 minute drive away... so she just came and knocked on the door, she knew her sister was unwell.

Should DD have got up to let them in? It was at 10am.

Depends - how bad was your daughter? I've been ill recently twice where even contemplating the stairs was a challenge. If she felt that ill and was running on a couple of hours sleep then I think she wasn't being unreasonable.

Do your daughters get on normally? Did dd1 warn dd2 that it would be her?

Yes she should have got up. But maybe she didn’t hear the door or just couldn’t face getting up.

Your elder daughter needs to wind her neck in and stop being so dramatic. It’s a piffling annoyance in the grand scheme of things. If this was an item she needed immediately she should have brought her key. If it wasn’t, she didn’t need to drive home then back again right away did she?

She’s so annoyed because it’s her sister. Bet a mate would get more leeway!

(From one who is also an elder sister and may have had similar tantrums in the past )

So your dd heard a knock on the door while half asleep in bed, didn't know who it was so rolled over and went back to sleep. Completely reasonable.
I don't try and answer the door if I'm in bed (even just having a lie in).
If your dd knew it was her sister at the time, and woke up properly from the knocking, she should have let her in.
But ignoring what's she believed to be a random person knocking is completely reasonable.

If you're not well and don't hear the door properly, then you're not well and don't hear the door properly. It's just one of those things.
DD1 should have had her key on her. She needs to stop whinging.

Simples.
Eldest has a key so should have had it on her.
Youngest had been asleep for three hours while extremely ill and it was rude of eldest to expect her to get back up.
I'm assuming other people manage with sickness bugs but whether it's because of my chronic illnesses or not, I don't cope and would have struggled with this so much in youngest's position.
Eldest is being a brat. I hope youngest gets well soon.

Should DD2 have woken up

She did hear the door knock but was half asleep and then just went back to sleep.

DD1 should have knocked louder or phoned.

The key is here did she know it was her sister because it sounds like she didnt. Heard a random knock ignored and went to sleep (because she was ill). Given that she assumed her sister had a key and had not planned to drop in DD1 is overreacting

If I was sick in bed I would ignore the door if I assumed it was a delivery, sales etc. Unless she actually knew it was her sister I don't think SWBU.

Eldest should learn to remember her key.

Tbh if I was ill in bed and heard a knock on the door I would ignore it, unless I was specifically expecting someone.

I'd think it was a cold caller or canvasser or something.

I think your 21 year old is being a tad overdramatic. Her sister was sick and probably assumed that her sister had a key therefore whoever it was wasn't important enough or perhaps she was tired and didn't wake up fully. It's not the end of the world that she wasn't let in to grab a few bits. Also the world doesn't revolve around a healthy 21 year old who wants to grab some bits that no doubt could have been picked up another time. Or she could have been responsible and remembered her key!
I can't see a scenario where a sick person not answering the door is anything to grumble about here. Your 21 year old needs to stop making an argument where there isn't one.

OP you haven't answered if she knew it was her sister or not?

If I'm ill in bed ,half asleep after only a few hours sleep and hear a random knock at the door there's no way in hell I'd get up.

If she knew it was her sister then she should've got up but it's not clear that she did know. Plus if half asleep and tired the knock might've not really registered anyways.

If I was ill in bed after throwing up all night, I wouldn't get up to answer the door either! Your DD2 wasn't being rude - she was ill and exhausted and didn't realise her sister was downstairs.

Your DD1 is just pissed off because she forgot her key and had to drive 40 minutes to go and get it. That's not DD2's fault.

Did dd1 even know if anyone was home?

Your DD1 sounds very unsympathetic, as well as disorganised. I’ve got my mum’s door key on the same key ring as mine. No, if DD2 is sick in bed, I wouldn’t expect her to get up for the door. Was it an emergency?
What did DD1 need so urgently?

The real question is, did DD2 even KNOW it was her sister knocking at the door? As she's sick, if she even heard the knocking, she would have assumed it was unimportant. She probably would have expected her 21 year old sister to be responsible enough to remember her key.

Not waking up properly if you hear a ring/knock is easily done and not deliberate - particularly if you are tired or ill.

I was going to say that DD2 should have got up provided:

• She woke up and heard (and knew who was ringing!)
• She was able
• There's no backstory, or DD1 doesn't have form for similar occurrences

(Not suggesting this is the case, but eg I have a couple of relatives who take the piss constantly, if one of them woke me up whilst ill I'd be sorely tempted to pretend not to hear and leave them to it).

My sympathies were with DD1, and I'd presumed DD2 probably just slept through, but after the comments in your 2nd post any sympathy I had is gone!
Unless there's a backstory, I think DD1 is being out of order here

Did DD2 know it was her sister knocking?
Was she how I was when I was last vomiting- as in every time I moved I would spew up so laying still was my only option?

Did DD1 know that DD2 was definitely at home- it wouldn’t have been unreasonable for her to have been out at 10am would it?

Also DD2 probably assumed it wasn’t important. If she heard it but it didn’t fully wake her I’m guessing dd1 only knocked once and didn’t try to call her so assumed it couldn’t be important

Sorry but dd1 is in the wrong. She can’t expect her sister to be at home if she forgets her key.

Sounds like my Monday - the only thing that kept me awake longer than 10 minutes was more vomiting. At one point I woke up to find my hand was still on the water bottle I'd been reaching for when I fell asleep again. I'm still running a temp and have that fluey ache all over.

Tell your eldest to have some empathy?

They're both being ridiculous drama llamas. Don't be an audience for it, just leave them to it.

I don't think your DD2 was unreasonable now you've explained further. DD1 should have a key. If she forgot to key, how on earth was DD2 meant to know it was her? If I was horribly sick and half asleep and heard a knock on the door, there's no way in Hell I'd get up and go and open it. I'd assume it was someone I didn't know - maybe someone selling something? Or a neighbour popping by or something? If I didn't feel up to seeing strangers I'd not be getting up. Your DD1 sounds like she needs to grow up and stop being so dramatic. She forgot her key, it was her own problem, the 20 minute drive was hardly the end of the world for her

Did dd2 even know it was her sister at the door? If not then I'm not surprised she didn't get up.

Eldest has a key but didn't have it on her.

DD2 was not in the wrong. She had been asleep only 3 hours.
If somebody had been knocking me up, I'd have ignored them.

DD1 should make sure she has her key in future.

If she knew it was her sister she could have tried to drag herself to the door but if it was a random knock then understandable. Dd1 is very important and should have her servant carry her key next time

I would probably ignore the door if ill in bed and didn’t know it was a relative.

Your elder girl sounds a touch dramatic. Albeit not as much as @FFS12345 so every cloud...